Persistence

Her beautiful eyes put me into another world of translation. There was just no way to describe the place I was in every time I gazed at her. She was only three feet away from me and I still could not quite hear what she was saying. Her voice was as smooth and gentle as the wind blowing through her hair. The smile on her face made me smile back, but twice the size. I was lost in my euphoria. She seems to glow with such radiance. This radiance was her spirit, her free, energetic spirit. Always doing something. She laughs and then turns around towards the copse. Without the sun, her hair would not shine so beautifully. She skipped so happily, humming her favorite song towards her favorite bed of flowers. Roses. Purple Roses. Magnificent, they grow to her touch. She signals me to come and the wave of her hand reels me in like a fish on a hook. I fall next to her and she lay next to me. I can feel every blade of grass like I can feel every ounce of love from her. She laid her head on to my chest, to listen to the rhythm of a heart filled of love and happiness. We look at the rainbows formed by the mist of the mountains and the rays of the sun.
“Do you think this will last forever?” she asks me in her beautiful voice. I only wish I could tell her the truth.
“Of course it will. I love you.”
“I love you too.” The clouds seem to be spinning in a different direction.
“What’s wrong James?”
“The sky seems to move the wrong way.”
“How can it move the wrong way? The clouds can only move as wrong as you and I love each other.”
“I suppose you’re right.” We continued to look at the beautiful surrounding
Utopia; the blue-back mountains, perfect cerulean sky, the sound of birds singing songs of love, but my favorite, the most beautiful…was she. Suddenly, it grew quiet.
“It certainly got quiet fast,” she said as if was nothing, “wait, I hear something.”
“What do you hear?”
“I don’t know. It’s like a faint buzzing noise.”
“I hear it too.” I said as I positioned myself to hear it more clearly. The noise was getting louder and louder.
“I’m scared James. Don’t let go of me.”
“I won’t.” I wouldn’t ever let go of her. But then, everything was getting brighter as the sound grew louder. I would hold her closer and tighter. Then, she started to dissipate in my very arms. We both were confused, and scared, I tried to hold on but slowly I could no longer feel her in my arms and I was then left blinded in the light.

I rose out of bed in a cold sweat. A dream? Why such a dream again? I then proceeded to writing it in my journal. I write all my dreams like this in a journal, or the ones I can remember. I don’t know why, but I just do. I dream about her all the time. Just not so vivid like this one, and every time I dream, it gets better and better, but every time I wake, my heart beats faster and faster.
“Rena, why do I often dream of you?” I asked her as if she was listening. Then again, I ask a lot of things; when will you awaken? When will I see your beautiful eyes again? Are my dreams messages from you? I go through life everyday, thinking of her. And I get more miserable as time goes by. Time is not the healer of all things. Time does not heal. It thickens pain; it thickens pain so much that you eventually build a wall of numbness and you believe that time, has healed all. Believe me, time is the enemy.
Rena, my greatest love, in a possible eternity of sleep; I often wonder when she will wake up. Sometimes I visit her at the hospital, but the days grow farther apart, as I feel we are. I know she is fighting just for me, but I don’t know how much longer it will last; even the doctors are telling me they aren’t sure. Rena was in a car accident a couple months ago. Some guy, with a hit and run record, was caught under the influence of marijuana that side swiped her car from the other direction, forcing her into an inevitable collision course into a tree. I can’t despair. I remember when I told her what a wonderful night it will be, just her and I. That night, after a long month of night classes, she was coming over to celebrate with me her success in all of her classes. I was going to take her to somewhere special, she didn’t know where; she still doesn’t know I had that surprise, it’s almost as if the surprise was her death. I just only wish it doesn’t come to that. Rena doesn’t have any family left, just her mom, who is in a nursing home who thinks that a twenty-two year old guy is still too young to be in love. The doctors and I have decided not to tell her yet, we just might have to though.
I am visiting Rena at the hospital today. I don’t have any classes at school today; I usually spend my Thursdays going out to dinner with Rena. My apartment is so plain; she’s the only one that makes it light up when she walks in. My walls are naked without frames or decoration, the kitchen’s white paint makes the room feel pure when the sun shines through the window above the sink, which you can look below four stories and see the streets below. The whole apartment reeks of delicious incense, the living room only containing a broken-in love seat and a small coffee table with many stains and a twenty-inch television set. The faded blue carpet tells stories of laughter and fun, the naked apartment stands cold as I do. My bedroom is the only thing that expresses me. My bedroom expresses more of me than I can myself. Pictures I drew lay on my dressers, a large stereo system for my wide selection of music, my acoustic guitar (which I love to play contently), a queen sized bed which is never made and has a red comforter across my sheet-less mattress, and a small dresser next to my bed with the alarm clock and notes she use to write to me and then her picture facing towards the bed…so beautiful. I don’t desire much, but I know what I need to be happy.
I arrive at the hospital, and as soon as the automatic doors open, I instantly smell that hospital smell, like stench of sick people that haven’t bathed in days and all the disinfectant; then, bringing all those flashbacks of latex gloves snapping back on the wrists of doctors holding syringes, ready to engage the second most terrifying experience of your life. I approach the front desk and ask where I could find Rena.
“Room M66.” The desk lady said with a hint of pity for she knew what that letter M stood for. I guess that’s where people sleep for a long time.
There, her room. The doctor shows me in and there, as she lies, so innocently. How terrible it is to wake up every morning and see there are no messages on my answering machine, no arm around my stomach embracing me, no smell of crepes she sometimes surprised me with in the mornings, no sweet smile on her face as I looked at her, wanting to kiss her again.
“Rena…” a tear comes from my eye, followed by a long stream of them.
“I dreamt about you again. I miss you so much. I want to see you again. I drew another picture for you, I hope you like this one much more than the other one; I used your favorite colors, blue and purple. The doctors are getting worried about you, but I know you are surviving with me, so please don’t let go.” I held her hand for a bit and looked around at the monitors and all the machines she was hooked up to. It wasn’t fair to me; I took a look at the bandage around her head, where she had hit against the window and the steering wheel as the airbag failed to deploy. I want to get that guy in jail right now, I am going to visit him one day and tell him what he has done, burn his life to nothing, if it isn’t already. I’m sure he has done other things to deserve jail now, but why did it have to be until her? The repetitious beeping of the life machine always kept me on edge. Every time it beeps, I get that feeling of nausea and fear rushing into my head. I can feel her pulse from her hand. It greeted me warmly.
Thirty minutes have passed. I finally pulled myself back together enough as to where I am able to quench my thirst. I let go of her hand slowly and turn towards the door. I don’t know my way around the hospital, but I eventually I find an elevator and I take it to the basement level where I figure a handy cafeteria might be. I was right, there is the cafeteria door. I open it and see a few booths and tables along with some people satisfying their hunger. I grab a tray, the smell made me hungry so I thought why not grab a bit while I’m down here. Decisions were hard: PB&J, fresh fruit, cookies, brownies, cereal…and as I am saying in my head what there was, I came across the carrot cake, the cake that brought destiny together. The cake that brought me to Rena.
I remember like it was the other day. I was at a local Coney restaurant ordering a carrot cake for dessert after a good deserving meal from a long days work. The server came and brought me my delicious ultra-sized carrot cake with white frosting and a scrumptious looking bright orange carrot on top. Not a real carrot of course, it was also made of frosting. I didn’t have any clean forks, so I pulled out of my chair to go get one and little did I know that there was a waiter behind me. As soon as I pulled out my chair, I felt a kick and then a giant THUD! I turned around in embarrassment to see what I did. I saw the waiter lying on the ground and an empty plate. I quickly help him recover to his feet, and with a few apologies he gave me a smile and told me not to worry about it.
“Goodness! Look what you’ve done.” A mysterious female voice said to me. I look up and I see the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. Yes, it was Rena. I was speechless. I could not retain the movements of my jaw, and rather than having full collaborated sentences, I spoke in sketchy fragments. I snapped myself out of it asked if she was okay.
“Yes, I am fine. But that is my cake on the ground.” She said.
“Oh! I’m terribly sorry! Cake huh? Well, I was having cake and it looks pretty big enough to share,” I said chuckling. She replied with a giggle and,
“Oh, it is big enough is it? What kind of cake?”
“Carrot.”
“My favorite!”
“I like it too.” I said as I signaled her to sit with me.
“Sir, may I be of help?” I quickly jolted back from my flashback. A nice elderly looking lady had asked me.
“Yes, I’ll have some of those chips.” I grab a bottle of Dr. Pepper and continued to pay for my items. I find a table and start to start to think about the cake again.
The waiter that I had tripped on accident gladly brought me two forks. Rena and I ate the cake and talked quite a bit. Pretty soon after, we decided to take a walk. We came across a park and I was ecstatic to see the swings. Rena was laughing as though I was kidding when I said to go swinging with me. I started running towards the swing and she yelled out,
“Hey! Wait for me!” She raced behind me and I slid across the gravel and onto a swing. She sat on the one next to me. I started picking up speed quick, but she seemed to be having trouble.
“This is silly.” She said. I quickly jumped off and ran behind her and gave her a good push. She yelped and laughed as soon as she felt the uplifting tickle you get when you swing sometimes. I kept pushing her and she always laughed when she was on the swings. I always pushed her just so I could hear her laugh. From that point on, I believed we were meant to be together. A few more days we had hung out and not too long before I gave her our first kiss. On the park bench, drinking Slurpees, admiring the hot summer sunset. Neither of us was talking and I turned to her and she looked at me. We locked eyes; I could see her soul, a small blue flame, that moment seemed to last forever. We leaned towards each other and a perfect simultaneous kiss filled us up with overwhelming bliss.
I once again shift back into reality. I eat my chips and drink my milk and I tip my head back and almost doze off. I catch myself from falling asleep, but I then decide to close my eyes just for a little bit, a nap wouldn’t hurt. I set my watch alarm for thirty minutes. I quickly black out.
“James,” Rena said. “What are you whistling?”
“I don’t know, something I must have made up.”
“It’s catchy, I like it” she smiles. I look around at the sky, then to my right I see this house I don’t remember being there. An old, dilapidated house I have no recollection of seeing before. I get up to go check it out.
“Where are you going, James?” Rena asked me with a small pout.
“I’ll be right back I promise.” I then go towards the house. I open the door and it creaked as the door slowly opened. I turn behind me and see Rena laying back, pulling petals off of a flower. I step into the house and the inside was totally different than what it had looked from the outside: a blinding atmosphere of pure white walls, structured into an angle leaning towards this mysterious door at the end of the corridor with a weird patterned carpet helping the weird illusion lay across the floor. I run to the end, the optical illusion of the walls had me dizzy for a second. I stand in front of this, white door that you wouldn’t know was there, if it wasn’t for the sparkling silver doorknob. I turn the knob and I see inside.
“Rena!” I yelled as I ran back outside. “You have to come see this!” a big smile of curiosity jumped on her face. She quickly runs over to me.
“What is it?” she asks excitingly.
“Follow me” and I grab her hand and back into the house.
“Wow the inside is beautiful!” she said.
“But wait, you have to see this.” Then she was excited with anticipation. I took her towards the end.
“My heart is beating really fast!” Rena said with laughter and excitement. The walls were getting me dizzy again. While her hand was in mine, I felt her holding back. I turn around and she’s on her knees.
“Rena, what’s wrong?” I ask her.
“I don’t feel very--” Then she fell over to the ground.
“Rena! Wake up!” I kept saying to her. I stand up and look at the door. It was suddenly dark-blue. I open the door and it’s pitch black and I am pulled through.
I look at my watch to see how long my nap was.
“I swear my dreams just wont give up.” I said aloud. My watch was exactly one minute before my alarm was supposed to go off. Huh. Just in time I guess. I start to head back towards the elevator. Ooh, a vending machine. I take a peep. Nothing looks amazing to me after I ate that cake. Again, I walk to the elevator. I pass a clock, 7:14. I press the button and wait for the elevator. An old man with a blue, name-tagged jacket with a mop swings by whistling a familiar tune. It was quite irritating trying to figure out what song it was. I was whistling along with him and he nodded to me. I try to catch him to see if he could tell me, but he disappeared behind a rusty door. The elevator door then opens and I enter inside. Standing in the elevator, I am whistling the tune I just heard and suddenly knew the rest. I reached level two, and before I could take a step out of the door, three maybe four doctors run right by me and I jump back to avoid tripping any of them. I peep around the corner to see if it is clear, then it hits me…something is not right. My reflexes automatically carried me with the doctors, I was running right behind them in seconds. Running, all the sounds at once whiz through my ears from the rooms that had open doors. L21; crying children, TVs, L54; buzzing noises, talking, more TVs, L68, corner right turn, M Corridor and I can see the front desk, where there are doctors on phones and in a panic.
I can’t hear what they are saying; there are too many distractions. I continue towards race to my loved one’s room dodging obstacles and people. M25, short beeping noises, phone ringing, M45, please God no not her. Don’t be her room. M53; more beeping, I can see doctors turn into a room. No God, no! I can hear a faint long tone from those machines. I’m almost there, but then a nurse halts me a few feet in front of me. I stop and bend over catching my breath.
“Sir, I’m sorry, but you can’t come in here.”
“Please…my girlfriend is in there!” I can barely say without falling apart, just thinking of what could be happening.
“You are going to have to wait in the waiting area, I am really sorry, but it’s for your own good.” I walk towards the nearest chair down the hallway. I say to myself,
“God no. Not now, what’s happening! I want to see her. Don’t take her from me please! Not now! Not after all of this! I still think she can make it! I just know it!” I then collapse onto the chair where then a nurse or receptionist from behind the desk helps me onto the chair. She gives me a glass of water, and tissues. My tears right now could fill up more than this cup, but it made me relax.
“I haven’t left you, Rena. I’m still here,” I said to myself. Moments later some doctors come out of the room and walk towards me.
“Doctor! One of you, please tell me what happened with Rena?”
“Are you her boyfriend?”
“Yes”
“Well, sit down. I have some good news…” Oh, no! I didn’t want to hear this. “And some bad news.” I almost strain myself from trying not to cry, I couldn’t bear to hear what the bad news is. The doctor continues,
“The good news, she’s okay now.”
“But that bad news?”
“The bad news, she flat-lined, she is very lucky to come back. She has less than a 20% chance of making it, her will to live is strong, but I’m afraid it won’t bring her back. This wasn’t the first time either. We are going to let her go.” I look down to the floor as all reality slipped from my sanity. Tears were pouring all over the floor.
“You may stay the night if you want to.” I just can’t believe this.
A doctor finally lets me come into the room. The clock shows 9:58 and my eyes are sore from crying. Across from Rena's bed, a recliner chair, pillow and blanket wait for me steadily near a window with half-opened blinds. A few bouquets of flowers, nearly dead, stand on the little table on the left side of the chair against the wall. The flowers still had a wonderful scent to them. It took away the hospital smell. I pull a chair up next to Rena’s bed and take her hand once more. I sit there as long as I can with my eyes open, gazing at her. I don’t think I had blinked once for at least an hour. My eyes grew heavy and the moonlight was shining on the recliner as if it was telling me to got lay and sleep in the chair. I didn’t want to, I wanted to see my Rena.
“I’m still here Rena.” One last drop came from my eye as I lay my head on her bed.
“James.”
“Hey babe.”
“Have I ever told you how much I love you?”
“How much?” I love hearing this from her.
“So much I could die!”
“I would never let you die.”
“Oh, James! I love you! HeeHee!” her squeaky laughter made me smile and I grabbed and held her very tight as if I hadn’t seen her in such a long time. I was in my euphoria. I hear a bird singing. I look around to see where it is coming from. It is a beautiful song I hear. I finally catch my eye on a bird sitting atop of an old house. It looks vaguely familiar. I knew I had to check it out. Something wasn’t right.
“James? Where are you going?” Rena asks me.
“Don’t worry babe, I’ll be right back.”
“Why don’t I come with you?”
“If you would like.” She grabs my hand.
“It looks scary.” Rena told me as we approached the front door. The door was slightly ajar and I pushed it all the way open.
“Wow! Its beautiful!” Rena said with such surprise. I was smiling real wide when I saw a door at the end.
“Look Rena, a door. Let’s see what’s inside!”
“Okay!” Rena said with such ecstasy and joy. It was like the very time I pushed her on the swing. We walked fast with so much excitement it made us dizzy. I grab a sparkling silver doorknob and open the door. I couldn’t believe my eyes; it was the very restaurant we met in.
“Wow! Let’s go in!” Rena said. I looked at her eyes as she was peering through the doorway. They were glaring enormously. It must be the joy, but it made me happy. We walked inside.
“J-James?” Rena said to me, but she seemed to still be smiling.
I lift my head up to see Rena with her head turned towards me.
“Oh my God! RENA!” I scream with such joy to see Rena! She’s out of her coma! Tears pour out of my eyes as I lean over to hug her.
“Who are you?” she suddenly asks.
“It’s me, James.” I told her with a puzzled expression.
“I know, but how do I know you?”
“I…I’m your boyfriend.”
“Good lord! She’s awake!” a doctor yelled out loud as he entered the room.
“She doesn’t remember who I am.” I tell the doctor.
“Oh my Lord! This surely is a miracle! Don’t worry James, probably temporary amnesia. We need to take care of some things. Procedures. If all goes well, we can release her temporarily in a couple days.”
“Ok Doc. See you then.” I’m so glad. I can’t believe this. I knew she would come back, I just knew she would wake up. It’s like a dream!
The next two days, I wake up, more refreshed than ever. I had such a wonderful dream. I dreamt about Rena and I dancing under the moonlight the whole time. I write it in my dream journal. As soon as I’m done I get dressed and drive to the florist. I buy a dozen purple roses. Magnificent. I then drive to the hospital to see Rena. I ran inside and to the front desk to ask where Rena from M66 had been moved. B33. Wow I’m so excited! I ran through the hallways to B33. I knock on the door. The doctor opens up.
“James! Good news! Aside suffering from temporary amnesia, Rena is in perfect health. I have issued permission to release her today and I want you to take her to any familiar places that could help bring her memory back.” The doctor said. "But she needs to come back to finish the procedures and exams."
“Of course.” The doctor moves aside and lets me through to Rena.
“Are those for me?” Rena asks.
“They certainly are.”
“I love purple roses, they are my favorite!”
“I know. How’s about a little lunch, some carrot cake perhaps?”
‘I love carrot cake!” Rena exclaims.
Rena and I leave the hospital and go to the restaurant we first met at and telling he the story of what happened when we were there. I order some carrot cake and she had so much to say, about how long she’s been asleep, what has happened, had having these weird dreams she couldn’t quite remember. I don’t remember dreaming, I just couldn’t stop thinking about her and I didn’t care at this point. After cake we went for a walk to the park.
“I pushed you on the swings here.” I said to Rena.
“Race you there!” Rena says and dashing towards the swing set. I laugh and run after her. We get on the swings. I release a big sigh of happiness and look at Rena, who had a disappointed look on her face.
“Well aren’t you going to push me?” Rena said. I get out of my swing and go behind her. I push her, and again I hear her laugh.
“Hee Hee! Higher James!” It was like falling in love all over again. I have captured my euphoria.






THE END

Love is faith’s greatest strength.