On Writing

On Writing
Sitting here in front of my keyboard, staring at the white blank some thoughts come to me. For some the discipline of writing is difficult. They are easily lured by family, friends, the Internet and whatever else is available. They are drawn moths to the flame of distraction.
I suffer no such malady. I can block out all external distractions, tuning them down and out, rendering them unimportant. I’m great at that.
But that’s where my troubles begin.
For me the interior silence I have created begins to erode my ability to concentrate. Thoughts of guilt and selfishness creep in. That is the beginning, then the overwhelming thoughts of financial insecurity grip me, leaving me sitting in front of the screen not writing or even thinking about writing.
I need to make more money. I need a better job. If I wasn’t so selfish I could supply my familys needs better. Why don’t I have a new car, new furniture, new kitchen, new…
I’m paralyzed with thoughts of inadequacies.
The page stays blank, the timer ticks, nothing gets written.
Times up. The sound of my wife and daughter arguing over the bathroom begins to fill my ears.
Damn it! How am I supposed to write with all this noise!