Healing a broken heart

This is a thought process to help my broken heart from any more heartache. I needed a place to express my thoughts and feelings instead of keeping them all bottled up inside waiting to explode someday on some innocent bystander. Thank you for stopping by and I hope this may inspire someone else some day.

I recently found out a lot of secrets that were being kept. The only good secret there is, is that of a good surprise. This was not one of those secrets.

How can one person look another right in the eyes and lie. It boggles my mind. I thought that it was true, deep passionate love that we were in, guess again. How can this be true if he feels the urge to explore with other women. If he were truly happy he would never stray. Why do men do this? No matter how many questions I ask, I can never get a straight forward answer.

I know they still keep in contact. Maybe not as much but the fact remains they still keep in touch. I have tried to fill my head with ideas that this was just a one-time thing and that he will never do it again. I'm hoping I scared him enough to not stray again. But still, that feeling of what they talk about, what ideas he's putting in her head or vise versa. I have stuck in my head that he's only keeping me around till she's ready for him.

I fear that if I leave him that I have made the biggest mistake of my life. But then again I fear that if I stay around then I will be the fool. My past has been filled with liars, cheaters and abusers. I have a hard time trusting anyone. He tells me he loves me. He holds me close to him and makes love to me like no one I have ever met. I can see love in his eyes as he holds me tight and slowly makes love to me, but still he has lied straight to my face before.....is this all a lie? or is it all in my head?