The Selkie

         Adhamh MacKay looked out over the lonely lands before him. The gentle waves lapped against the shore from the Kyle of Tongue. Behind him stood the indomitable fortress of Castle Bharraich. The wind blew forlornly, as if it could feel the loneliness of castle and laird. The Sinclairs had been pushed back to the borders, but not without sacrifice. Many of his clan had been killed in the fighting.

         That was why he was so miserable. He hadn’t just lost warriors. He also lost his wife and beloved. Their marriage had been short. They were only wed a few months before the battles began. Adhamh’s eyes grew misty as he thought of what the healer had told him.

         Mildread sat him down on the bench in her hut. “I’m verra sorry lad. I ken how much you loved her.”

         “Aye Mildread. But at least we didna have any bairn to mourn her as well.” Adhamh lowered his head in despair.

         “Och, you poor lad. Taithleach…”

         “What? Taithleach what? What willna you tell me Mildread?” One look into the old healer’s eyes told him what he already feared. “Nay!” he roared and jumped up, refusing to believe it. “It canna be true.” Adhamh’s legs gave out and he crumpled to the floor, the cried racking his body. Mildread turned away from him out of respect. The tears of a laird were a private thing. Adhamh now new, not only had he lost his wife, but his unborn child as well.

         The past melted from his memory and the present reformed. As he looked over the kyle he made his vow. He would kill the laird of the Sinclairs. It was he who had taken his life and hope.

***

          The next morning, like everyone morning before, Adhamh reached over on the bed next to him. Only there was no Taithleach. Once again unshed tears stung his eyes. “Nay, this day will be different.” He had made his plans and now it was time to act. The Sinclairs had attacked him, so he would repay their brutality. The stronger men of his keep were gone, so he was on his own. But no matter. Even if he lost his life in the process, he would have his revenge.

         Adhamh wrapped in his plaid, keeping out the fierce autumn winds. Taking his pack, he slipped out of the keep. It was cowardly for the laird to sneak out. But the more questions he could avoid, the better it would be for his clan. The chill in the air seeped into his bones. All around him the land was dying, preparing for its winter slumber.

         In amidst the brown grass and fallen leaves a small green sprout struggled. Already though, its ends were turning brown. Aye, he knew how it felt. He too was preparing for his final struggle, before he left this world behind.

         Adhamh saddled his horse and crossed his clan’s lands, making his journey to the Sinclairs. He walked south, to the shores of the North Sea. It took naught but three days before the walls of Scrabster Castle loomed before him. Adhamh sniffed as he saw the poor defenses of the keep. Looking around, he also saw the devastation of the surrounding lands. No wonder they had attacked his people. The Sinclairs would never make it through the winter with their lack of resources.

         Even still, they had destroyed the one thing he cherished most. They would pay. For two days he scouted out the keep and finally found the perfect place to slip in. What happened after that was only a blur. A mixture of blood and screams surrounded him. Finally the darkness overcame and his body felt absolute release.

***

         As Adhamh woke to consciousness, he heard the gentle lapping of the waves and the playful sound of seals barking in the distance. A cold shiver crossed his body and he opened his eyes to see the water wash over him yet again. Confused, his gazed wandered over his surroundings. Was he dead?

         Suddenly his heart stopped and his breath caught in his chest. Out of the water rose the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. He was dead and had gone to heaven. Adhamh reached out, “Taithleach.” Taithleach turned to him with wide eyes, looked around frantically and then ran to the hills. “Nay,” he croaked. Adhamh lurched to his feet, then fell back down. His body writhed in agony as he finally felt the wounds from his battle. An anguished cry escaped Adhamh’s lips and he realized the truth. Nay, he wasn’t in heaven, but hell. He had sinned and now he must pay.

         Bradana peeked from her hiding spot in the trees. On the shore lay the man who had frightened her. He wasn’t moving, but a low moan came from him and his head was turned towards her. He saw her and his eyes rolled up. Another cry came from him and he turned away. But not before Bradana could see his eyes well up with tears.

         Her heart nearly broke as she looked at the beautiful injured man. She knew she had been foolish to shed her skin without first looking around. But the cool wind had felt so good on the bare human flesh, she simply ignored caution. Now the man had seen her and if she dove back into the water, he would know she was a selkie. Besides, in her fright she had lost her skin. Nay, she would tend to him and send him on his way.

         Bradana stepped cautiously towards him, half expecting him to spring up and grab her. When he did not, she moved forward more bravely. As she knelt beside him, he reached out a shaky hand and whispered, “Taithleach. You’ve come back. I have slain the Sinclair’s laird and avenged you. Do you forgive me?”

         Bradana gasped. This man had killed the laird who watched over her waters. Then his words became clear. He called her Taithleach and said he had avenged her. A shiver coursed through her body. She had once known a Taithleach. But her cousin had disappeared from the waters and never returned. Did this man know her? “Who are you lad?” her voice whispered across the air, as soft as the sound of the waves.

         “Do you not know me my love? I have come to join you in the afterlife. Please Taithleach. Tell me this heaven and you are no demon sent to torment me.” He tried to sit up, but the pain was too strong. Bradana’s eyes skimmed over him and saw his wounds were many, but not deep.

         “Nay,” she soothed. “I am no Taithleach, but Bradana. And you are not dead, just sorely wounded. I can heal those wounds, but you must tell me of my cousin Taithleach and why you killed my overlord, the Sinclair.”

         Adhamh stared at the lass, not knowing what was happening. Unable to move without unbearable pain, he only nodded and began his story. He told her of the battles, how Taithleach had died at the hand of the Sinclair himself and how she had been carrying his child. Adhamh saw Bradana’s eyes glisten, but she did not cry. She only moved her fingers and seaweed over his wounds. Like magick, the pain diminished and he was able to move a little more freely.

         He reached out and rubbed a strand of hair between his fingers. The damp locks shone almost silver in the morning light of dawn. Just like Taithleach’s. Her hair had been silvery grey as well. Her soft grey eyes looked at him and shimmered as the calm waters surrounding him. This lass had to be Taithleach. She was too special for another person to look and be so much like her. Adhamh refused to believe this creature was not his wife.

         Of course, it had all been a mistake. Oh, the Sinclairs had attacked. And they did deserve their punishment. But his wife had survived. She had hidden away and come out later. She must have followed him to these lands and saved him. The lass he buried hadn’t been his wife. But in all the confusion, his fears had made her seem as such.

         Feeling much stronger now, Adhamh rose on shaky legs. Almost all his pain was gone thanks to his love. He waited until he was steady, then scooped Taithleach into his arms and headed towards his horse. As he approached the tree, nearly a quarter mile from the keep, he saw his horse was still waiting patiently for his master.

         “Come now love,” he whispered, “We will return home.” Adhamh wrapped the lass in an extra kilt, then placed her on his steed and climbed up behind her. Her hair fluttered in the breeze and soft tendrils tickled his nose. Aye, this was his love. Even her scent of the waters was about her.

         Bradana did not react at first. The man had carried her away so quickly, she did not have a chance to escape. Now her plight was all too clear. She turned her head and saw her beloved sea growing smaller in the distance.

         “Nay!” she wailed. She struggled to release herself from his grip. Instead it only grew firmer. “Nay,” she repeated. “I am not your Taithleach. Please, let me go. I must return home.”

         “Hush,” Adhamh murmured. “You are just confused by all that happened. The Sinclairs will harm us no more. I will keep you safe.”

         She wasn’t sure how, but Bradana knew she had to escape. Otherwise she would never be able to find her skin and go back to her family.

         Every night they stopped to camp, Bradana would wait until Adhamh was asleep. Then she would try to run. But every time, he had woken and brought her back by his side, to sleep on his plaid. One night he had even tried to make love to her. When she fought him, Adhamh only kissed her chastely and told her he understood. The battles had been too fresh and she was still frightened. If only he understood why she was so scared.

***

         As castle Bharraich came into view a chill spread through Bradana. For nearly a week, she had been held from the waters. Now the kyle called to her, its waves whispering her name. “Bra…dana, Bra…dana…” The pain of being from her home grew even stronger.

         “We are home Taithleach. Let us start our love anew. We shall never be parted again.” Adhamh swung her off his horse and led her to the keep.

         At the gate waited Mildread. “Och m’lord. Your clan was terrible worried for you. You left with nary a word and we…” Her voice trailed off as she saw Bradana beside him. “Nay, tisna possible.”

         Adhamh walked up and embraced the old women. “Aye, but it is. I have found Taithleach and brought her home. Now she can have our bairn in peace.”

         Mildread looked again at the lass. It was Taithleach, but it wasn’t. The girl looked at her with pleading eyes. Nay, this was not Taithleach. When Mildread looked back to Adhamh, she could tell he not see the truth.

         “Lad,” she ventured cautiously. “This isna Taithleach. Your lass has left this world to a more peaceful place.”

         “Nay!” Adhamh denied vehemently. “This is my wife and I will not hear otherwise.”

         Again Mildread saw the pain and fear in the girl. Refusing to turn aside and let Adhamh force another’s ghost on the lass, she gripped his arm in her withered fingers. Before he could protest, Mildread led him to the clan’s burial grounds. Under the newest mound lay Taithleach. “Adhamh,” she forced him to look at the grave. “Taithleach lies there beneath the dirt. You were there when she was buried. You yourself placed the first handful of dirt. Doona make this lass take her place.”

         “Nay!” Again Adhamh rejected the truth. “Nay, my Taithleach has returned.” His voice grew a shade weaker as he tried to fight reality. “Nay,” his knees buckled underneath him. Collapsing, Adhamh slumped over the grave and roared in sheer agony. He could not deny it any longer. His Taithleach was gone and would never be back.

         Mildread stepped away and gave her laird his privacy. She moved back to the gates of the keep, where the lass remained. “Now you my dear,” she soothed. “You are verra much like our Taithleach, but your spirit isna the same. Who are you and where has Adhamh taken you from.”

         Bradana cried out in relief. Here was someone to help her. She fell to her knees and took the crone’s hand in her. “Please,” she begged. “I must return home. My family will be in great distress if I doona go back to them.”

         “And where is home lass?”

         “In the North Sea.” The old lady’s eyes bore deep into hers and she realized her error. “In the North Sea on a small island my family resides.”

         “I didna ken there was any land in the Sea for a family to live.” The women searched her eyes again. A very faint flicker of her own eyes showed the old woman knew something was different about her. Mildread composed herself and beckoned for the lass to rise. “Verra well. I will see what the laird can do to return you to your kin. But it will take time. He has had many demons to fight and his finding you just brought about the worst one. Once he has recovered, he will take you home. Until then, stay with us in the keep. You will be safe from him.”

         Bradana nodded, knowing this was her only option. Mildread led her inside the castle and rang for a servant. An equally old man hobbled towards them. This was the price of battle. It seemed only the old survived, as they did not go to the battlefield. Fearchar guided Bradana to her room. Mildread followed behind.

         When she arrived in her room and looked around, Bradana gasped. From her window she had the most beautiful view of the Kyle of Tongue. The dark waters surged against the shore and receded just as fiercely. Looking to the sky, Bradana could see a storm brewing. Her heart ached to go back to the waters and swim the foam and brave nature’s fury. Before she could stop herself, Bradana let out a long, soft wail.

         Mildread and Ferchar shared a knowing look. There was something strange about the lass. Mildread was almost certain now, what it was. From a small chest at the foot of the bed, Mildread pulled a gown that had been Taithleach’s. Placing on the bed, the two servants left the girl to her sorrow and went back to their tasks.

***

         That night, Bradana could hear a moan come from the room beside hers. It was low, but the agony was heart wrenching. She ventured out of her room and to the other door. Slowly opening the thick wood, she saw Adhamh on the edge of his bed, his head in his hands. “Taithleach,” he groaned. “How could I have lost you? You were my eudail. And now your form has taken the soul of another to taunt me. Can I never have peace?”

         Bradana began to step away, when she tripped over a loose stone. She let out a yelp as she fell to the floor.

         Adhamh jumped, startled to find her there. Moving quickly to her side, he knelt beside her. “Are you hurt? Wait Taithleach and I will get Mildread.”

         “Bradana,” she whispered.

         “What?” Adhamh reached out to help her.

         “My name is Bradana, not Taithleach.”

         Adhamh pulled his hand back as if he had been shocked. “Aye lass, ‘tis Bradana. Come now. I will return you to your room.” Adhamh lifted her easily into his arms and carried her back to her bed. Laying her down gently, he started to crawl into bed with her. Looking over at the lass, he remembered she wasn’t his wife and caught himself. “Sorry lass,” he muttered apologetically.

         “I understand,” she whispered. She had heard this man’s worst memories. Now she also knew what had happened to her cousin. Bradana remembered the day her cousin’s family found she was missing. The whole herd had searched for Taithleach. But she was never found. She had been an especially beloved member of the herd. The wailings could be heard over the North Sea for miles around. Now he had lost Taithleach as well. Adhamh left her and she fell into a fitful sleep.

***

         The next morning Bradana woke to the sound of metal being struck. She rose from the soft bed. It had been difficult to sleep. The feather mattress and fur coverings were too soft. She was used to feeling the cool night air blow over her as she huddled with her family on the rocks of the shore.

         Bradana followed the sound out the castle gate and to a small hut beyond. There stood Adhamh, tapping a hammer against a piece of copper. He hadn’t seen her yet, so Bradana quietly watched him. Adhamh’s features had softened with the love he put into his work. His skill was amazing. Slowly tapping and bending, flattening and twisting, Adhamh created a beautiful torque. At one end of the soft metal, he formed the image of a seal.

         Bradana’s gasp of recognition caused Adhamh to look up. “Och, Tait… Bradana,” his face was no longer soft, but empty like the unused metal around him. “I was just making a trinket. Here,” he held out the ornament to her, “you may have it if you wish.”

         She stepped forward to take the gift. Instead, Adhamh turned her about and placed it around her throat. “’Tis beautiful, but why a seal?”

         Adhamh’s face dropped as he remembered. “’Twas Taithleach’s favorite creature. She said they reminded her of home.”

         “Aye, it does me as well.”

         In the distance, Mildread looked out from her hut. She saw the two young ones and hoped, nay, prayed there was a chance. She wasn’t sure if he knew it yet, but Bradana was already creeping into his heart. Adhamh had placed the torque around her neck with the touch of a lover. It had only been one day, but was the way of the selkies. And Bradana, like Taithleach was one of the most gentle. Her whole spirit was of love. Mildread prayed, not for them to fall in love, but for Bradana to stay. It was also the way of the selkie to follow the call of the waters and return home.

***

         The days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months. Autumn was passing and soon the winter would be upon them. This was the time of year Bradana loved the most. The men would stay out of the sea and her family could rest and play in peace. Now her heart ached even more for the distant relatives.

         But something else held her back. Adhamh had changed. He no longer called her by his wife’s name, but her own. A tenderness belonging solely to her had entered his touch. But she wasn’t sure. She was not fully human and did not know if she could ever truly belong. Her secret was a big one and could some day destroy their happiness.

         Bredana walked along the shore, when she heard a voice crooning an age old ballad.

I am a man upon the land,
And I am a selkie in the sea.
And when I’m far and far from land,
My home it is in Sule Skerry.

         Bradana froze at the words. Looking at the singer, she saw it was Mildread. The old woman lifted her head and smiled. She nodded and smiled. “Aye lass, I ken the truth. But I willna tell.”

         The girl’s heart deflated as she sat beside the crone. “Then you will ken why I canna stay. It will never work. We are from different worlds.”

         “Och, but it has worked. Taithleach was one of your kind and she remained. She even had her skin. She used to don it and swim the kyle. It was one of those times I learned her secret. I came to gather seaweed and saw her shed her skin as she rose from the water.”

         “But Taithleach was different. She and Adhamh were in love and she carried his bairn.”

         “Nay,” Mildread reached out and patted the young lass’ cheek. “‘Twas no different. You are in love as well. And the bairn meant nothing. A selkie not truly happy will not stay because of her child. If the pull is strong enough, she will still return to the sea.”

         Bradana felt a small glimmer of hope return and looked longingly at the old woman. Mildread chuckled. “But if it will keep you here for the laird, I can find and give him your skin.”

         “Nay,” fear leapt to her throat. “You canna tell him my secret.”

         “And I willna.” Mildread’s face took on a serious expression. “It is your choice to make. I pray you make the right one.”

         Bredana heard Adhamh’s voice calling from the keep. Turning, she hurried to his side. “So here you are lass. ‘Tis time for supper. The cook has prepared fresh fish. Your favorite.” Adhamh led Bredana inside and the two spent another peaceful meal together.

***

         After supper, Adhamh rose suddenly and pulled Bredana to his solar. As she sat in one of the chairs, she noticed he was pacing. When he finally sat beside her, he fidgeted. Unable to bear it any longer, she asked. “What is that has you so worried?”

         “Nay, not…, aye, worried.” Adhamh rose from his seat and jerked Bradana to her feet. “I’m verra sorry lass, but I must.” Before she could respond, he took her face firmly in his hands and pressed his lips against hers.

         A slow tremor worked its way down from her mouth to her toes. Then it slowly made its way back up, finally settling in her heart and growing. It seemed like eons before Adhamh pulled away from her. In that time, Bradana realized she could not leave this man. This was the first kiss he had given her, but he had given it with all his heart. She could feel his love just as strongly as she felt her own.

         Pulling away, Adhamh saw the glazed look in her eyes and her swollen lips. Kneeling before her, Adhamh took her hand in his. “Please lass, my Bradana.” Her named rolled off his tongue. “Please stay and be my wife.”

         With her free hand, Bradana fingered the torque, still around her throat. She knew the answer immediately. She would never again find one such as Adhamh. The love he put into his work and life was unique. And the love he gave her was impossible to find elsewhere. “Aye,” she whispered. “I doona ken anything that would make me happier.” Adhamh swung her into his arms and left her breathless with his kisses.

         Later that night, after all had gone to bed, a wail rose up from the kyle. Bradana rose and walked to her bedroom window. The sight she beheld in the waters below, took her breath away. Swimming along the shore was her family.

         “Bradana,” they called. They beckoned to her and she once again felt the pull to return to them.

         From the crowd, rose her father. “Bradana,” he called again. “We have come to rescue you. We found your skin on the shores of home. We have searched the coast and now we have found you.” He held out her skin for her to see. “Now you are free and can return.”

         Bradana reached to her loved ones below then pulled back. In their primal language she replied. “I canna come home, for I am. I love the laird of this keep and we are to be wed. Please, please understand.”

         A shared wail rose as the herd felt the loss of another. Then her father spoke again. “Do you ken what you’re doing?”

         “Aye father, I do. I have thought hard and long, but this is my home now.” It hurt her to part from her family, but Bradana had a new one that needed her more.

         “Verra well. Then we will stand by your decision. We love you.” Her father swam back to the herd. She saw her mother and brothers. Her cousins and the rest of her kin. Slowly they pulled together and swam away from the shores, returning to their own home.

         Bradana remembered the tales she had heard the humans told. If you kept a selkie’s skin, you could hold her and force her to be a true wife. Bredana smiled to herself. But there was another way the humans did not know of. You could keep her forever, happily, if you held her heart as well.