The process

Beaten track I've walked before.
What if I don't want to anymore?
I'm tired of the same routine always,
It's all I can remember these days.
I want to stop or change it now,
But there's no book to tell me how.
So very tired but unable to sleep,
Too many promises I couldn't keep.
It's getting dark I'm so confused,
Behaviour that can't be excused.
Finding it hard to just get by,
No one asks or wonders why.
Everyone thinks I'm doing fine,
They don't know what's on the line.
Clinging to life only by a thread,
All night I lie awake in bed.
Wondering why I'm alive,
Why I bother to survive.
Whether death is all that bad,
Thinking of love I never had.
Feeling now the lowest of lows,
Slowly my resolution grows.
I get up prior to the sun,
And before dawn the deed is done.