My Sweetheart Elena

My Sweetheart Elena, by Big Tom Cat


Her name was Elena Dementieva. Yes, she was named after that famous human tennis star. And she was the sexiest little minx of a cat that I had ever seen. All soft white fur and green eyes, and a purr that never stopped. I had met her on the set of Napoleon Dynamite. Her human was part of the behind the scenes crew, and I? Well I was an alley cat, but I knew an opportunity when I saw it. And that spring I saw an opportunity with stars in her eyes. And while her human worked, I worked all the angles. I brought sweet Elena yummy donut pieces, and wonderfully smelly fish heads from a local restaurant. I lay in the dirt outside her human’s tiny trailer, and tried to look as pathetic and hungry as I could, and before long I was invited in.

Ah. It was heaven. Lauren Bacall and her handsome Bogey couldn’t have been any happier than the two of us. But as the spring came to a close, and the movie was wrapped up, the weather became a bit frosty. Well, that is the weather between us. I guess it was Elena’s way of saying goodbye. She knew that she would have to leave soon with her human, and go back home to Florida. Her human absolutely insisted that I could not go with them. And so as they prepared to go, I promised Elena that I would find her, one way or another. She slipped me a piece of paper with her human’s Yahoo address on it, and I quickly read and memorized it. Then she was gone. The last I saw of her was a dainty white paw waving from the window of her human’s car as it pulled out of the parking lot.

I was miserable. I wondered around the neighborhood searching trash cans, and sleeping in my old alley. One day I found a colorful brochure advertising a vacation to Grenada, and I wished I was there. But I could as easily go to Grenada as fly. Then one night as I lay under a table at the local bar, I heard the news on TV. Huge hurricanes were ravishing the coast of Florida. And the latest one, Hurricane Ivan, was headed directly for the home of my sweet Elena.

I had to find a way to get to her. But what could a cat do? Suddenly I had an idea. The vacation brochure had had a map in it. I could find a map. A map to my sweetheart’s home. I had heard some humans talking about a thing called Mapquest. I sneaked over to the computer on the bartender’s desk and started playing with the keys. No one was paying any attention to me, so I quickly typed in Google. Then I looked up Mapquest and typed in my sweetheart’s address. Before long, I had the exact directions.

I looked around me, but could see no one in the bar was even aware of me. Next I typed in Ebay. I quickly found just what I was looking for. Two train tickets from Hollywood to St. Pete. I laughed as I purchased them. The old bartender would certainly be surprised when they arrived. And I? I would be ready.

I went back to the trashcan where I had found the travel brochure. Tonight there was a whole stack of them. I dragged some back to the bar and put them up on the desk, where the bartender couldn’t miss them. Luck was with me. Before long, he was all ready to go on a vacation. Two days later, the tickets arrived. He seemed a bit surprised to get them, because, of course, he couldn’t remember ordering them. But then he often forgot things. Maybe he had ordered them, and had just forgotten. By Saturday we were on the train, and I was on my way to my beautiful Elena. As soon as that train pulled into the station, I was out of the there, and headed for my sweetheart’s home.

And just as the rain stopped I stepped up on her front porch. Elena saw me from the window and jumped up and down for joy. Then she ran to tell her human. Well boy, was her human surprised to see me standing on that doorstep when she opened the door. The next thing I knew, I was inside, and being dried and fed tuna, and given a soft bed in which to sleep. Elena’s human couldn’t get over how I had come all the way to Florida to find them, and she happily decided to keep me. And my sweet Elena? Well, all I can say is we are living happily ever after.

Purrs, Big Tom