Separation- Mommy4Life Contest Entry

When you are with me, love,
you are too close to see clearly
Great and warm and muzzily defined,
as much a part of myself as the world about.

Only when you leave do I know you
by your absence, like a tooth
Wincing, probing the bloody vacancy,
finding your edges by what causes me pain.

You:

The movies we saw together,
that we laughed and cried and laughed again
whose titles I turn from now in bitterness.

The excited barking of our dogs
which trails off, puzzled,
Why is the pack one less?

A head of wavy black hair, glimpsed afar
that stops my heart a moment, can it be?
But of course it is not you.

A stranger’s shy smile, so like yours,
those full lips tilted up faintly
eyes downcast. Not the tri-colored orbs I love.

Our restaurants, where the food is now ash
Our bookstore, where I cannot read a page
Our park, where I do not linger
Our house, as empty and abandoned as I.

But when you return –

I am whole again, the painful boundary gone,
sealed with our merged selves.
You frown, worried, as I laugh and kiss you
as overjoyed as the milling, leaping dogs.

“It was only a week
Only visiting family
You knew I was coming home.”

Ah, love, I can no more comprehend that
than can the three wagging their tails
who know no time, who cannot think
It is only a day more,
To them as to me, you are always gone forever.

Except that I remember the lack, the void,
the wincing touch of an empty place
that you fill when you are here.