five-letter words

June 23, 2005.

I remember reading somewhere that in Canada ten people commit suicide each day. Most suicide victims attempt suicide at least twenty times. That makes my wonder how many people commit suicide each day in the United States, and all over the world? And to add to that, how many people even think each day about committing suicide?
When all of this started, I never would have thought that I would end up in one of these categories.
So here I am. Sitting alone in the dark. Tears streaming down my pale, vacant face. Clothes covered in various dust and dirt. A gun in my hand. My forefinger toying with the trigger impatiently as I wait for the strength to do the one thing that has been polluting my mind for the past weeks. Creeping across my every thought like a parasite. Seeping into every feeling that I have managed to hold on to after all that has happened.
I have nothing left. Everyone that I care about has betrayed me. Every ounce of me is empty. My bones are hollowed out, my blood runs dry, and my heart is nothing more than a shriveled carcass in an endless desert of heat and nothingness.
I am utterly alone in every sense of the word. Alone. Another five-letter word. It has always been the five letter words take hold of me. Grasping onto me until all that I am is nothing, and all that I was is a distant memory.
This isn’t the way things were supposed to turn out. Right now I should be with Billy. Laughing, having fun, and just being with him. I just graduated high school less than a month ago. I should be getting ready for college. I shouldn’t be here. I am only eighteen.
The journey that led me to this place flashes across my mind as I lift the gun to my head, placing the barrel firmly against my left temple. I can already feel my arm beginning to shake.
I don’t want to die. I just don’t know if I can live anymore.

* * *

There were no more newscasters, no more traffic, and no more hectic excitement. The once sleepy town of Westbridge was finally back to normal.
It was just past sunset in the small town. Though the sky was still a bit purple from the setting sun, everyone had already returned to their homes. They had all settled in for the night.
The only sound that could be heard outside was the hum of the steady wind.

A single gunshot rang out through the air. Birds scattered in the trees, but soon settled. And eerie silence ran through the town once more. All was still.