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I should explain a little about this first... I wrote this after I left my husband, for reasons somewhat touched on in this poem, the rest is in my journal..... and then I found out so called "friends" were lying about me to other "friends" who believed them.... which will also be in my journal.... this sounds suicidal, but is not, just want to clear that up.... ok, here goes...

Everywhere I look, people are lying...
Day after day, I am constantly trying
To get away from the words that are said;
They're burning and churning inside of my head.
Running away from the constant confusion,
Wishing that I could find the conclusion.
I hate this life and who you want me to be;
I wish that you all would see me for me.
Everyday I want to curl up and die,
But I only show that at night when I cry.
To my face they say pretty, loving and smart;
When I walk away I'm an ugly bitch with no heart.
When will all of this madness end?
Coming from you, who I once called a "friend"
Running so much, but I can't get away...
Last night I dropped to my knees and I prayed.
Am I that horrible? Do you hate me that much?
You call me a tramp, a bitch and a slut.
All of this pain that I now hold inside...
It makes me want to kiss everyone goodbye.
All I want is to go and be free...
Where no angels have to watch over me.
I feel sad and alone, no friends to my name
As I watch you play this childish game.
Think of me as a wasted creation,
And when I am gone, just your imagination.
Day after day, time after time
The lies still come quick into your mind.
I feel so angry, hurt and confused...
My friendship has just been abused.
It's always my fault, in love and in life...
I'm even a failure as a wife.
But I'll live this life in spite of you all;
I know you would love to see me fall.
Do you really want me to pick up a knife
And shed my tears while I take my own life?
Or maybe for me to grab a gun,
And prove to you all that you have won.
Maybe if I died today,
Maybe then you all would pray.
Pray that you could take it back,
Wishing you had not been like that.
Maybe you'll wish you hadn't lied...
And want to take back all the tears that I've cried.
To my husband, who said he was true;
I'll love you forever, but I'm done with you.
You want to knock me around?
Pick me up, just to push me back down?
Do you think there's not a price to pay?
There is nothing that you can do or say
That will make me change my mind thsi time...
It's time for me to leave this life behind.
I'm sorry to those that truly care...
I'm sorry to those who have always been there.
I love you all, more than you know...
I love you all, but I have to go.
To all those who wronged me, some way or somehow,
Tell me, honestly, are you happy now?