What Have I Become?

What Have I Become?

When will my self loathing end?
When will my hatred end?
I never knew what it was like to hate.
I knew what it was like not to like myself.
A cheating wife and a cheating "friend of The WAY"
You both have blamed me but most are convinced
you knew I would break. Why did you hide?
Why did you run?
Who is the wolf? It is I you say.
If I am why did I give you more than you deserve
to squander like the prodigal?
I gave it to you out of Love and obedience.
I gave it because I believed it was right.
I see again I was wrong to believe in you or
in HIM. You both are wolves and not I. I am just lost in an illusion of what I dreamed. What I thought we wanted not just I. A dream of family and don't forget love. Love not base upon performance or conditions. I never pretended to be anything but me flawed and vulnerable. Why did you both seize upon this? Do you really believe this was just? Just like a prostitute that fails to perform. We only want your riches no matter how small. I will seize from you with out regret. I will take from you anything I can get. This is not me but you and your type.
You are just like the prostitute stole from me and was never really my friend. I will take a whore any day who at least is loyal to her truth for she is truly honest. I have only become who I was meant to be. What is this all for? Why? Is there really a purpose. I am just a little man and barely that.
What have I become?