God's son

“Jesus... what bloody time is it?”

“Six-thirty.”

“SIX-THIR...... what the hell are you waking me up at this hour for?”

“Well since you invented time I thought we should use it.”

This was the beginning of the sixth day in the hardest week God had ever had! His son, Jesus was intent on waking him no later than seven in the morning...every morning.

“Give me a break, go on, ten more minisets.”

“It’s minutes dad and no, we have a big day... Did you get started on that man thing we discussed yesterday?”

“uh... yeh its on the table over there.”

Jesus walked unenthusiastically over to the small table in no apparent position on the star on which him and his father were residing for the “creation week” as they liked to call it.

This was their ninth attempt at creating a working planet and so far, due to God’s lazy efforts and his silly ideas for life forms, all had failed in no more than, what we now know as two years.

Jesus stopped infront of the table and stared at the small model of what his father now called “man”.

A little rustically crafted piece sat unhappily on the table before Jesus. It had a mostly rectangular shape to it with two protrusions at the base and another two just below a small hairy ball which sat on top.

“What... is... that?” Jesus asked in a series of short gasps of terror.

“Oh, it’s not that bad...” Moaned God as he struggled to get a pair of tight silver pants on.

“It’s a copy of me!... you lazy bastard!” Jesus shrieked as his whole body started to shake.

“So,... get over it.”

“No, I wont,... every bloody planet. You mess it up by putting weird gasses, or deadly... crawly...things, and now you want to put a copy me down there? I dont think so dad. Listen, I’ve let you put that snake thing on this one but that’s where I draw the line.”

God slowly stood up and stomped over to the table where Jesus was standing, at the same time battling with the zipper on his pants.

“All I’m saying is, we only have one day to do this “man” bit right?”

“Right, but...”

“So I thought I’d just chuck you down there, you seem all right,... problem solved.”


Jesus’ eyes narrowed as he tried to hold in the frustration and rage he had stored from the last five days of the unbelievable stubbornness of his father.

“The nerve!!... where's H.G?"

"Oh please leave him out of this."

Now although H.G wasn't the most stable ghost, he did manage to find the most impressive hiding places. In this instance it took jesus three and a half hours just to locate him hidden in a glass of water. (mind you, water was only recently created) Jesus picked up the glass and rolled his eyes.

"H.G... I can see you. come out of there, I need you to talk to you."

H.G just sat huddled with his eyes tightly shut, pretending he hadn't noticed jesus.


"C'mon H.G... dads trying to create again."

Slowly, the form inside the glass unfolded and then with a pretty whisp of pink smoke turned into a slightly transparent man of about, what looked like, six hundred years old. He stared up at Jesus through solid, inch thick glasses and let out a small noise resembling a light bulb dying.


"Oh come on H.G we gotta go stop him, he's putting a replica of me down there!"

H.G just opened his mouth again letting the sound of a door closing jump out.

It took H.G and Jesus until six in the afternoon to find God on the other side of the star playing with a very, very large lizard with an incredibly poor excuse for arms. Jesus walked up next to God and folded his arms in a quick proud gesture of triumph.

"Dad, H.G is here and he wants to see the 'man' you claim you created."

Another unrecognizable sound came out of H.G as he ran over to a small figure on the floor just next to God. Picking it up, a huge smile crossed his face and a flood of sound erupted from somewhere around his head. Then as he held tightly to the replica of Jesus, H.G formed the first few words he had let out in a few centuries.

"nice one..."

Both God and Jesus stood frozen from what they had heard. Not only because H.G had spoken, but also out of sheer amazement. One frozen with rage, the other frozen with joy at the idea of getting away with the laziest idea of his existence.

"your bloody kidding?!" boomed Jesus during the biggest hissy-fit he had ever let go.

"Thanks H.G..." said God "...and don't worry son, I'll even let you go down on the planet one day..."

"I don't give a damn!!! why can't..."

"A damn..." interrupted God "...good idea we'll name it Adam" God looked at H.G who was trying to hold in a good deal of laughter.

H.G accidentally let out a giggle as Jesus stormed off towards the far side of the star. God just shrugged his shoulders and smiled back at H.G.

"So your talking now huh?"

A quiet "Yup" came from H.G's direction.

"So, wanna give me a hand with this new planet thingy?"

"Really, you gunna let me?" H.G's enthusiasm soared as he became aware of the possibility of creating something without the constant criticism of Jesus looming over him.

"yeah sure"

For the next while H.G and God discussed when they should get the planet up and running and where to put Adam on the planet. Because the two of them had alot of work to do, they gave themselves until six o'clock in the morning to finish.

During the night they created the small garden with a pond and a lovely fruit tree, then an assortment of animals and plants, and since Jesus was off sulking somewhere God took the liberty of adding a few "special" things, such as his new T-rex as he likes to call it and one of H.G's new favorites, the Dodo bird.


Sure enough as five thirty A.M rolled around they decided to call Jesus and show him all the glory of the new planet. He took one look and turned straight around and sulked off, unable to control the profanities escaping his lips.

After Jesus was out of sight God held Adam up just above the pond with a grin, and at exactly six dropped the poor boy in the water. Both God and H.G rolled in fits of laughter as they looked on at the flapping thrashing thing in the water.

After Adam had escaped the water and was resting on the bank of the pond, God looked proudly over at H.G who was now having a bit of trouble strapping something to his feet.

"What's that?" God asked in a confusing tone.
"They be tap shoes, thought i'd do a little jig to celebrate the finishin' of creation"

God just looked on bewildered as the transparent pink man explained what his new 'tap-dancing' was with a complicated series of jerks and swaggers.

"Well H.G, I can't say you don't have an imagination in that head of yours."

God was obviously saying this to be polite, meanwhile trying to work out how a six hundred year old ghost had the flexability of a twelve year old gymnast.

God tried to look impressed with every new tap, then just as he thought it was going to end H.G pulled God up by the arm and for the next half an hour shot around the star teaching God how to 'tap tippity tap' as an ode to earth.