Hot Flashes

Many children, I imagine, grow up with a sense of wonder and invincibility around their father. After all, as a child, your parents are so much bigger than you are, they’ve lived so much longer than you have, and they know so much more about the world than you do. When your father was once “Captain Zeus”, the penultimate superhero in the pantheon known as the Defenders of the Right, you tend to feel this just a bit more acutely than the average child.

I realize it seems hard to accept that someone like myself could have come from the gene pool of Captain Zeus and Star-Woman (who were voted, much to my chagrin, sexiest couple alive by People Magazine), but it’s true, I assure you. One would not know it to look at me, as I stand just less than five foot, ten inches, and have the muscle mass of a small dog. Nevertheless, I am Captain Zeus’s son, and this is my story.

I was born Alan Jacob Culver in the wee hours of clear night in February, a little over thirty years ago. I don’t intend to go into how much over thirty, so don’t bother asking. My childhood was anything but normal. I spent most of the week with my parents and my “extended family” as they battled villains both physical and ideological. Before my eighth birthday, I’d been kidnapped on seventeen different occasions. In every case it was by various factions who intended to use me as a bargaining chip against my father. And, in every case, they underestimated both my mother’s love for me, and just how dangerous she could be. I almost feel sorry for them, but I was never afraid of them.

It’s not due to an overdeveloped sense of courage that the monsters that my parents rescued me from never invoked fear in me, but rather it was a sense of impending destiny I felt. On the occasions that I was taken from my home I could not help but think “THIS is the time for me, it’s going to happen NOW.” I was, of course, referring to the moment when my super powers would activate. I was immensely disappointed time and time again when I would try to mind control an underling, or bend metal bars and nothing would happen.

As I grew older, I began to wonder if I would ever have powers of any sort. My friends, who were mostly the children of other members of the DotR, assured me that I would be “endowed” one day, as they themselves were. There was Jump-Boy, the son of Archimedes, who developed his powers when he was almost struck by a runaway horse and carriage in Central Park. I also heard these assurances from The Howitzer’s child, Bullet. His abilities came from the half-alien DNA of his mother, which manifested when he hit puberty.

In my experience, in seems three things are needed to realize a super power in an underage human. The first is a direct connection to existing super powered beings, most commonly by birth, but this is by no means a requisite. The second is a to have reached puberty (however that might be defined by modern biology), or at least to have turned thirteen years old. The third, and many times most important, element is the “trigger”. This is the event, whether traumatic, or simply aggrandized to an extreme, that (by definition) triggers the dormant abilities in a given “Endowed”.

Endowed are what the worldwide media has dubbed people like my parents and the rest of the DotR. Included in this term are the children of said organization’s members, but it did not include me, as I had not so much as glowed in the dark my entire life. As I entered my mid-teens, it occurred to me that even though I met all the criteria for my trigger, and then some, something else must have been missing. After all, I wasn’t super powered. I was an underweight shut-in, who was more likely to be seen playing chess by myself than soaring into action with my friends and family. When I turned 15, things changed and (as is often true with change) it wasn’t for the better.

My parents decided that their enemies were no longer targeting me, and that I also wasn’t likely to be one of the endowed anytime soon, so they transferred me off to my grandparents (likewise un-endowed) to live. I went to a normal high school, with all the other normals, and lived a normal life for a good while. No one at my school knew who I was. By that I mean they didn’t know who my parents were. They treated me like I was just a regular kid, which was pretty awful, as anyone who attended public schools must remember. I was the class freak, short and lanky with odd (and usually non-existent) social habits. I was bullied and tormented from dawn until dusk most days. I can’t tell you the number of times I wanted to invoke my father’s name just to get them to leave me alone. But I knew that would do more harm then good. It would just be something else to separate me from the normals, and that was the last thing I wanted to do.

Eventually, I did graduate from high school and move onto college. It was a state school, but my grades (like everything else about me) were mediocre at best, and so I qualified for very little academically. It was a good school though, with a broad range of degrees available, approachable and experienced professors, and newly renovated facilities (thanks to a generous, yet anonymous, grant from my parents). College was infinitely better to me than high school, and I finally had the chance to meet people interested in me for more than just finding out how many ice cubes they could stuff down my pants. It was also where I met Lilly for the first time.

I say met, but it was more like a collision of matter in a vacuum, creating a new form of plasma, or some such physics metaphor. In fact, it was IN physics that I first saw her. The professor had gone off on some bizarre tangent about acceleration formulas and how it related to Quanto-Man (a friend of my father’s, of course), and I could care less. I was preparing to consign myself to a nice restful nap, when the classroom door opened. In walked the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, and I’d had Lady Venus for a babysitter. I wish I had the capacity for poetry so that I could properly describe her. It’s like looking at the most beautiful sunset in the world and not having a voice. Suffice to say, I was in love with her the moment I first set eyes on her.

She came into the room, and made her way through the loosely organized student desks, complete with students, towards where I was sitting. As if fate was smiling on me, for the first time in my life, the only empty seat in the classroom was the one just to my left. After she made a quick scan of the room, it was to that seat that she proceeded, placing her bag on the floor between us. I caught her eye as she extracted her text and a small spiral notebook from the pack. She smiled at me, just a little, and my heart melted to nothing.

“Hello.” One word from her was almost enough to send me into an epileptic fit. I could not think of a response to her greeting. I stammered for a minute and then sputtered out,

“Nice weather, with the…um…there’s trees with colors. I mean-I, uh…crap.”

“I didn’t catch that last part.”

“I was nothing. I mean, it was nothing. I’m Alan.” At least I could still remember my name. My brain was still mostly intact. Her smile widened a bit, and I caught a glimpse of the white sheen of well-tended enamel.

“I’m Lilly. You’re an interesting fellow, Alan.” I understood then that this was one of those women who found a goofy, bumbling, well-intended guy far more attractive than a confident, personable, intelligent man. I was so in.

-----

Lilly and I spent the rest of the afternoon together after class was over. I wound up missing my next two lectures that day, but I didn’t regret it in the least. She was the most fun I’d ever had with another person. Hell, she was the most fun I’d ever had, period. We talked about everything under the sun, and even some things past the stars. She seemed to have this buoyant fascination with all things Endowed. We talked about the last fifty or so years since the first incarnation of the DotR. I couldn’t have been more uncomfortable.

I just wanted to tell her all about my family, their friends, and everything I’d seen and heard from the past two decades. It was against everything I’d been taught and what I knew was right to do, as most of the DotR maintained alternate identities to protect their families from the same thing that happened to me as a child. And, although every bit of evil from London to Peking knew who I was, my connection to my parents had been hidden from the world at large. To share who I was with anyone, even the most beautiful woman in the world, would mean putting my safety (not to mention my privacy) at risk.

More than that, it was the fact that she seemed to be amazed by all that the DotR could do, in terms of powers. Independent flight, super speed, invulnerability, and mental manipulation…these were just some of the abilities that she fawned over like a football fan naming their favorite players. I had never exhibited even a hint of Endowment in my entire life, and would likely not ever do so. How could I tell her who my parents were and then not have any powers of my own? Talk about humiliating.

We did discuss other things, to be sure, and my comfort level evened out. Things like future plans, and career choices came up that day. She was a Political Science major, and I was (at the time) undecided. She planned to move into politics directly after graduating, possibly joining a local campaign office or even applying to be in the employ of someone at the state level. She had her goals mapped out for the next fifteen years, all the way up to being a senator herself one day. I was blown away, to speak the truth. I’ve always had trouble planning what I’m going to do for a weekend, much less the rest of my life, but she had it all worked out.

She scared me with her decisiveness almost as much as she intrigued me.

“Doesn’t it bother you not leaving anything to chance? What about surprises?”

“I don’t like surprises. I think that everything we want is well within our own control, and all that we need to do to acquire it is to reach out at the right moment. It’s all a matter of timing.”

“I don’t believe in timing. I don’t like surprises either, but I don’t think you need to have everything figured in advance. It’s like my mother likes to say, “everything is written in the stars”.”

“Really? That’s one of Star Woman’s quotes. I’ve read them all. She’s so wise.”

“Mom’s usually are.”

“What did you say?” Well, I’d gone and done it. Despite my little internal argument, I’d gone ahead and let the cat out. I’d like to say it was an accident, a slip of the tongue, but it couldn’t have been more deliberate. I figured that she’d pick up on the quote, as it’s the most often used one among her fan clubs. She hadn’t missed my follow-up either, as I was quite clear when I said it. Suffice to say, she had a lot more questions for me after that.

I did my best to answer them all, without giving away any privileged information, such as the true identity of some of the members of the DotR. It was difficult, as I just wanted to share everything I knew with her. She was the most open person I’d ever met. She was also very understanding when I would tell her that there were some questions that I could simply not answer, as the truths were not mine to reveal. The most amazing part, to me, was that she seemed more interested in me, than in my parents, or the other members of the DotR. It was a little difficult for me to accept that the one person who had spent time at the DotR headquarters who had no manner of special powers could possibly fascinate this woman.

Even as I talked with her, I could feel my body warm up, like there was a lit oven within me, and it was radiating heat out of all of my pores. I had never felt such a way before. My heart was on fire, so to speak, and I loved it. I loved her, and it was rapidly growing apparent that she loved me as well. Not on that first day mind you, but in the days and weeks that followed. We spent every possible minute together that we could salvage. It never seemed enough to me. Of course, she was my first girlfriend, which goes a way towards explaining that obsessive nature of our relationship. It never occurred to me that it could be dangerous.

Despite the obvious attraction between the both of us, there was a limited amount of
physical expression of it, at first. We would hold hands, and I loved being close to her, but I had not the nerve yet to kiss her. It seemed foolish to me to postpone something I’d been waiting nineteen years for, but I was afraid of scaring her off. I knew that she’d had been with men before me, and I was terrified of my inexperience with the fairer sex tripping me up. When we finally did kiss, it was better than I ever could have imagined. She held her soft lips against mine for what seemed like both an eternity of paradise, and the briefest of seconds all at once. Again, I had that sensation of warmth within me, and I felt a bit dizzy.

We practiced this kissing thing many more times after that, and, I must say, I mastered the art of it. And, with more training, I eventually overcame my desire to fall to the ground in a satisfied heap afterwards. The only oddity I noticed was that I still continued to heat up while we kissed. I dismissed any concern I might have had with the thought that it was a normal part of intimacy. After all, I’d always heard of two people “generating heat”, why was this any different? It was at the close of the semester that I found out just how different it truly was.

Finals were fast approaching, and Lilly and I were doing our best to maintain an acceptable G.P.A. despite the volumes of time we spent together. The weather had begun to turn moderately colder, yet I rarely felt the chill when I was with her. We had picked a quiet night during the week to study for our physics exam, since we both shared the class. Initially, we were going to study in the lounge of the common area of her dorm, but there was an impromptu party occurring there, which forced us to change plans. Much to the detriment of our studies, we moved into her dorm itself.

Lilly’s roommate had left for the night to stay with her off-campus boyfriend, leaving the two of us by ourselves in the small room. It was not long before the textbooks and review sheets were forgotten. We were on the bed in no time at all. By this point we’d been dating for just about two and a half months, and we’d yet to go beyond first base. This was more due (again) to my inexperience and lack of confidence than anything else. Everything changed that night. Lilly’s patience with me had finally worn thin, I believe, so she moved things to the next level whether I was ready or not. As every man finds out when they get to a certain age, we’re all born ready to go to that level.

I’ll save the details for my letter to Penthouse, suffice to say it was (as with my first kiss) all that I had dreamed and more. I felt good in parts of my body that I didn’t even know could feel good. Through it all, I could feel two sensations more prominently than anything else. One was the exuberant joy I felt from being with (in every sense now) Lilly. The other was that same internal heat that seemed to grow in intensity ever so slowly. It was hardly noticeable at first, but it became more and more apparent that it wasn’t going to just go away as we became more involved with each other. I had not told Lilly about the hot flashes before, but she noticed it as well on this occasion. She first mentioned how warm I felt, but it began to become uncomfortable for her, and quickly started to be painful, forcing me to move away from her, rather than hurt her. Despite the rising temperature of my skin, I was not in any pain myself. I knew that the outer surface of my body was extremely hot to the touch now, but I felt oddly comfortable, like sitting next to a space heater on a frosty day.

This was it, I knew then. My power had finally made itself known. I’d found my trigger, and my power had found me. It had happened while I was having sex with Lilly. I should have known then that it wasn’t a good sign.

-----

And now, a conversation with my parents:

“Hey, dad.”
“Hey there! How’s my Little Zeus doing?”
“Dad…please don’t call me that.”
“Why? Does it bother you?”
“I’ve told you it does, dad.”
“What’s wrong with it? It’s just a nickname.”
“It just comes off as some sort of clichéd euphemism.”
“I’m not sure I understand.”
“Never mind. Just forget about it. Look, the reason I’m calling is…something’s happened and I wanted to talk to you about it.”
“Sure thing, son.”
“I’ve met a woman.”
“Really? That’s great son! So how are things?”
“Here’s the thing, my powers have activated.”
“That’s great too! This is just one heck of a year for you. When did this happen?”
“Last night when I was having sex with the woman I mentioned.”
“…”
“Dad? Dad, I-“
“I don’t think I can talk about this, son.”
“But you’re my father!”
“This isn’t something I’m really comfortable discussing.”
“Who am I supposed to talk to this about? We never had an opportunity for the whole ‘the birds and the bees’ talk. Around the time I hit puberty, you were busy dealing with that Pandora Epidemic thing. I just never really got that…that whole thing that kids are supposed to get from their parents and I could really use some of that right now.”
“What do you want me to say?”
“Anything! Do the ‘birds and the bees’ speech if you want!”
“Um…well, you see, men are like apples, and…uh…women are like oranges…”
“That’s all you have?”
“It’s all I have.”
“That’s a terrible analogy, dad.”
“Why don’t you go ask SSM about this? He knows a lot more than I do about everything. That’s why we have him write my speeches.”
“No offense to Super Smart Man, but he’s a computer. Literally. He just happens to have legs. I don’t need the mechanics of it. I’m nineteen. I’ve seen the Spice Channel. I know how things work. I’m trying to understand the why of it, if that makes any sense.”
“Not really.”
“What?”
“Ask your mother.”
“I’m asking YOU.”
“Hang on. Susan! Alan’s on the phone and he wants to talk to you!”
*-click-*
“Hello, dear.”
“Mom?”
“Yes? What can I do for you?”
“Well, I was just talking to dad about- dad? Are you still on the line? This concerns you as well.”
“Yes, I’m here too.”
“What’s this all about, Brian?”
“He’s talking about sex.”
“Sex? Oh, then you’ve met a girl! I hope. I mean- not that there’s anything wrong-“
“Yes, it’s a girl, mom.”
“Good. So how are things?”
“As I was telling dad, my powers manifested last night while she and I were together. I got really hot.”
“That’s more information than I needed, son.”
“I mean ‘touch things and they melt’ hot, dad.”
“You mean you burn things?”
“No, I just heat up, all over, and if I touch things they melt. One thing got so hot it lit on fire. But I don’t think that counts.”
“I’ve never heard of a power like that, dear. There are pyrokinetics. There are also full- and partial-form ‘pyratics’. Nothing that just involved heat and no active flame.”
“That’s just what happens. I’m trying to figure it out, same as you. I did have another question. After I got dressed last night, it happened again, with the heat. Why is it my clothes don’t burn or melt as well? I mean, this is all over my body we’re talking about.”
“You remember Dr. Disaster from several years ago? The villain with the ‘null-ray’?”
“The one that took your powers away for a week or so?”
“That’s the one, dear. After we stopped him, SSM dismantled the gun and reverse engineered the components to find out how it worked. He then miniaturized the process and made a nano-device that has been inserted in all the clothing we wear. It creates a dampening field that protects the fibers from both external-and, in your case, internal-stresses.”
“Ah. That’s ingenious. You didn’t put it in my underwear though, did you?”
“I’m afraid not, dear.”
“That would explain my pants being full of ash.”
“I think we’ve, yet again, gone past where I’m comfortable, Susan.”
“Brian, we have a responsibility as parents here. You know it wasn’t easy for him as a young boy. For goodness sake, he had to deal with the whole media blitz of that ‘sexiest couple’ thing when he was only a child, and we’re his mom and dad.”
“I’m still pretty conflicted about that one, mom.”
“See, Brian? This is what I mean.”
“Don’t we have to be in the Cube for training this afternoon? I thought I heard a report about the Doers of Doom being sighted somewhere in South America.”
“Brian, I would rather you stay and talk with our son.”
“I’m sorry…I’m just not good at this stuff. Give me a mountain to move, or a battleship to carry…just don’t, I mean, I can’t-“
“Fine. Go ahead and go, Brian. I can handle this.”
“Good.”
*-click-*
“Mom, I don’t mean to-“
“Don’t say another word about it, Alan. Your father has just had a hard time of it. After all, his father was never there for him, so he’s had no basis for comparison on how to raise a son. He does the best he can.”
“Why is he the spokesman? I’ve always wondered, since he’s, I mean, wouldn’t someone like Brain-Hive be a better choice? He’s so much, uh, you know, more there.”
“Sometimes being the one in charge is less about what you know, and more about what you look like. I do think you need to work on your tact a bit.”
“I guess I learned it from dad.”
“You father is a wonderful man, who does amazing things. He’s a great champion.”
“I just wish he could be a great father.”
“That’s enough.”
“…Sorry, mom. I’m just frustrated with this whole situation.”
“I can imagine. So who’s this young lady you’ve met?”
“Lilly. She’s beautiful, mom. I think I’m in love with her. She makes my hair stand on end, in a good way.”
“I’ve never heard you talk like this. I think it’s wonderful that you’re so happy.”
“I am. I just want to figure out what’s happening to me.”
“I wish I knew exactly what was going on. A late trigger like you had is very rare. I’ll confer with some of the others and see if we can work this out. Just be careful.”
“I will, mom.”
“I mean in every way.”
“I got it, mom. Thanks. There’s one other thing I always wondered about.”
“What’s that?”
“How is it possible to make a phone call to the DotR Citadel? I mean, it’s in an alternate dimension, right?”
“Well-“
“Actually, never mind. I’ve had enough explanations for one afternoon. I need to get to class.”
“Have a good day, dear. And, Alan?”
“Hm?”
“Tell Lilly I hope to meet her soon, and that I’m glad she makes you happy.”
“She’s a big fan of yours, you know.”
“That’s nice, dear. And if she ever breaks your heart, I’ll break her.”
“Ha! Okay, Star-Woman. Love ya.”
*-click-*
“Let her see if I’m kidding.”

-----

After the night before, I was certain that Lilly would do everything in her power to avoid me. Even with all that I had told her about who I was and where I came from, I knew that what had occurred was far too bizarre for her to handle. I was quite mistaken. Despite what had happened between us, Lilly did not seem to be the least been shaken about it.

“Are you okay, Alan?” I stared in disbelief at her.

“Am I alright? You’re the one that almost got second degree burns in unmentionable areas. I should be asking you the same thing. In fact, I am. I am asking you if you're okay.”

“I’m fine, hon. I like it rough.” She grinned wide, flashing her brilliant smile at me. It told me, before I even had to ask, that she was only joking. Nevertheless, I was not. I all but glared at her, until the smile began to fade and she answered me. She explained that she had a few light burn marks on her legs and stomach. She hadn’t told me so as to protect my feelings in the matter. She was correct in thinking that I would feel guilty for what had happened. It was my power, after all, that burned her. I couldn’t see how it wasn't my fault.

“I can’t imagine that everyone that gets Endowed has it easy. Some of their powers are pretty big and destructive. Take Blasto, for instance. I read that when she first got her powers, she blew up her house, and her cat was still inside at the time. It could always be worse.” She smiled again, more softly and reassuringly this time. And I’ll be damned if I didn’t start to feel a little better about things. She put everything in perspective for me. I hadn’t expected there to be bumps along the way to…wherever it was I was headed. I thought about that for a moment, about destiny and about purpose.

I had never once considered what my purpose might be. Not once in my entire life. I had been so concerned that I never had any powers; I never wondered what I would do with them if they ever showed up. Was I expected to follow in my father’s footsteps and join the DotR? I couldn’t see myself taking that path, not at that point in my life. The idea of it felt so confining and restrictive. How could I let myself be defined like that when I had yet to figure out who I really was as an individual? Now that I had perspective, I was starting to lose hope.
Lilly was there for me again.

“I’m not sure what I can do for you, but I’ll try and help you however I can.”

“Do or do not, there is no try.” I thought I was being cute, but the reference seemed lost on Lilly. She gave me a half-confused, half-offended look, as if I was actually attempting to present her with a demand of some sort. I quickly explained,

“It’s from Star Wars. One of Yoda’s lines.”

“Oh. I saw those movies once. I never really understood them.”

“You never understood it? It was about a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…during a time of civil war. Good versus evil, and all that.” She winked at me,

“I guess I always had trouble with the black and white outlook on things.” I dropped the point rather than go into what could easy be a daylong tirade on the importance of science fiction in modern society.

We had dinner that night, and I continued to have the hot flashes. They were coming fairly regularly now. I was getting a grasp of what it felt like when I began to heat up, allowing me a chance (however slim) of taking my bare skin away from anything that might suffer, like Lilly’s hand. That was the hardest part of it, I think. Not being able to touch this woman in front of me, no matter how much I wanted to. It was as if every time I thought of her, every time I wanted to hold her or kiss her, the heat within me would flare up. If it weren’t for the dampening field in my clothes, the chair I was in would have been dust.

It was so obvious to me at the moment, that I could have slapped my forehead in frustration. My powers were activating because of my proximity to Lilly. It was because of my attraction to her, my arousal in her presence that I was over-heating. My life had become a bad sitcom with super-powers. I excused myself and headed straight for the bathroom. The hot flash subsided almost to non-existent by the time I reached it. I tried to empty my mind of everything. I’d learned some meditative techniques from a shaman named Everclear who helped the DotR from time to time, and they usually cleaned me right up. It wasn’t working this time, and I found my thoughts continually drifting back to Lilly, which caused me to heat up again. There had to be a way to control this, to make this work. I wasn’t going to accept that I couldn’t touch the first woman I’d fallen in love with.

We finished dinner quickly, and left for the dorms. I tried to explain to Lilly what I’d figured out, but every time I looked into her eyes, I just babbled something about the color of them being my favorite. It was raining on the walk back, and, as I was standing next to her, the heat was causing the rain water to convert to steam as it struck my head or my hands. I could not hold her hand, or even walk very close to her, as the warmth of me was causing her to grimace in discomfort. I could only imagine what it felt like for her to be so close to a walking furnace.
As we approached her dorm, she was walking about fifteen feet apart from me. I wanted nothing more than to kiss her, or to wrap my arms tightly around her, but I couldn’t get near her without causing the air to practically boil around me.

“It’ll be okay, Alan. We’ll figure this out, and everything will work out.” Her words had lost some of their sincerity since that afternoon, but I tried to find comfort in them.

“I told my parents what happened. They’re on it right now, I hope.” At this, the color drained from her face. I looked as though I’d just told her that I’d run over her dog.

“You did what? Why would you do that? You didn’t tell me you did that. When did you do that?” She was speaking rapidly now, in a high-pitched slightly panicked voice. I was confused as to what I’d said to upset her.

“I called them this morning. I figured they’d know more about this than I could ever hope to. Maybe give me some-“ It became apparent to me why she was so upset. “Oh. I know this must be embarrassing for you, but I had to tell them, even about last night. But it’s cool, my folks won’t think any less of you or anything. I mean, the way I feel about you, they have to be happy for me. It’s their job.” Even with my “smile of charm” plastered across my face, I was unable to reassure her about what happened. I had talked to my parents about having sex with my girlfriend, not thinking about how she might feel about it. I apologized in every way I could think of that didn’t involve coming any nearer to her. She mumbled a good night to me, and headed to her room.

My dorm was across campus from her, and it was a long and lonely walk I took. This was easily the worst twenty-four hours of my life to date, even considering the fact that I spent an entire day lost in a hell-dimension once. The difference between that day and this one was an easy distinction to make. When I was in that hell (literally) I had only to wait calmly for my parents to come and find me, which they promptly did, rescuing me from any further harm I might be in danger of. There was no rescuing me from this hell, not by my parents at least. Even if they could solve the heat issue, I’d hurt Lilly’s feelings. That was my mess to clean up, but I had no idea how.

I called my mom again that night, to tell her what I’d come up with at dinner. She seemed very interested in Lilly after that, so I told her what I’d said outside her dorm.

“In all relationships, there are things that are said and done which can be painful. They can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven. I don’t think what you did was all that bad, and I think Lilly will come to see that as well.”

“I just don’t want to lose her, mom.” I heard her chuckle on the other end of the line.

“You aren’t going to lose her over something like this. You should lighten up a little about these things, dear. Life isn’t as tragic as you think it is.” I knew she was right, and it warmed me to hear what I should have already known from my mother. There was a knock at my door then. I told my mother that I would have to go, but I’d call her tomorrow. She bid me good night and promised to do everything she could to help me.

I had just hung up the phone, when it happened. I wasn’t sure what it was at first; I only knew that something was wrong. I felt like there was an itch in my stomach, actually inside my abdomen. Before I could consider how I could possibly scratch that, I started to get a headache. My temples throbbed, and my head pounded, as if my brain were trying to escape from it. All I could hear was the blood rushing in my ears. All the muscles in my legs and arms cramped up, and I vaguely remember falling to the floor of my room. I think I hit my head on the table, but I didn’t notice as it was a minor injury compared with the new levels of pain I was hitting.

I knew this had something to do with my power, and, as if on cue, the heat began to flare up at that exact moment. I watched as the metal of the chair leg I had unknowingly clutched began to warp and melt. I was heating up too much to be indoors. I knew I could easily burn the dorm building down if I didn’t get out soon, but I was unable to move. As suddenly as it started, it was over. I could still feel the heat, but it wasn’t nearly as bad now, and the muscle cramps and brain pounding had subsided as well.

I dragged myself to my feet, which was an effort all on it’s own. I knew that I had to call my parents and tell them what I’d just experienced, before it happened again, and probably killed me. My hand had just fallen on the phone when I realized there was someone else in the room with me. They must have come in when I was on the ground, as I hadn’t noticed anyone enter. I turned to see Lilly standing in the doorway, her hands held tightly together in front of her. She had her head down, and she was frowning, and I knew she’d seen all of what had just happened.

“I’m okay, hon. I know how it must have looked. Well I don’t really know-“ She looked up at me, and I saw that there was pain in her eyes.

“Why did you call them?” My hand slid from the phone, and I took a step towards her.

“My parents? Because I needed their help. I know I should have told you, but it didn’t come up.”

“Did you tell them about me? Of course you did. What did you tell them?”

“That…that I think I…love you.” I hadn’t said that to her before. It was a big step for me, and as much as I hoped that she would reciprocate, I didn’t expect her to.

“I…I wish you hadn’t said that Alan. It just makes this harder.” I’ve read books where the
author would use the word “his heart sunk”. I never understood what that line meant until that moment. I took another step forward, trying to swallow the lump building in my throat. It was taking a good deal of my effort not to shake.

“Makes…what…harder?”

“Alan, we need to talk.” I’d never had a girlfriend before, so I’d never been dumped before. If this was what it would feel like every time, I never wanted to date again.

“Are you breaking up with me?”

“Not exactly. It’s about your powers.” Now, I knew, even without knowing, that this was not the usual break-up talk.

“You mean, power. As in, just the one. I know it’s not something you’re used to, but I think you were right. I think we’ll figure it out.” Her expression had hardened somewhat, but I could still see hurt in her eyes. She moved a step towards me this time.

“No, you won’t. I don’t have time for that anymore. You shouldn’t have called your parents, it just makes things…complicated.”

“What are you talking about?” I took another step towards her, and then I saw that there were barely five steps between us. I wasn’t heating up, or burning, or anything. I couldn’t explain why, but I felt just fine. “Lilly! I’m close to you, and I’m not over-heating! I meant to tell you before, but I couldn’t figure out how. It’s-” I was about to cross the remaining distance to her in a single bound, when she raised one hand up towards my chest.

“I know, Alan. I know about all of it. That’s why I’m here.” At that she began to clench her hand into a fist, with her arm still extended towards me. I started to feel the itching and the thumping in my head again. The twisting in my arms and legs seemed even more excruciating than earlier. As I fell to my knees she lowered her arm to keep it pointed at my chest. “It’s like I said…” opening her hand I felt a wave of nausea, and a seizure began to rip through me.

“…We need to talk.” By the time I hit the floor hard, I was screaming from the pain.

-----

I lost consciousness after a few moments, and I’m not sure how long I was out for. When I came to, I was lying on the floor of my dorm still. Everything about me hurt. My skull was pulsing, and my chest felt like there was a vice grip tightened down on it. My skin itched all over, like I’d been rolling around in fiber glass insulation for an hour or two. The lamp light hurt my eyes, and I squinted against it. Even my teeth were sore. I couldn’t move anything below my neck, but I ruled out natural paralysis as I could still feel the pain there. I stayed rational and calm throughout those first seconds of waking; it was all I could do. If I had begun to panic, I would have thought about Lilly, and the pain would have been worse. As if on cue, I turned my head to my left and saw that she was in fact still in the room with me.

Her back was to me, and she was typing intently at the keyboard on my desk. I wasn’t sure what she was doing, so I tried, in futility, to sit up. Without even pausing with the computer or so much as glancing my way, she said,

“Don’t bother trying to move. I made sure you won’t be standing up for several hours. Truth be told, you shouldn’t even be awake yet, but you seem to be full of surprises.” She moved the mouse across the desk, and clicked the button on it twice. I saw the screen of the monitor flicker as a new window was opened, but I couldn’t make out what it was from the floor.

I tried to think back to what was going on. It was very fuzzy in my head, but I did remember Lilly doing something to me, quite clearly. Somehow, she had disabled me, and rendered me unconscious. I knew neither how nor, more importantly, why. There had a reason for all this. Something she could tell me that made sense, and answered every possible question I would have. If there was, she was not volunteering it. I lay on the floor for several minutes, before I tried using my voice. I had assumed that it was disabled as well, and was mildly startled to find it unaffected.

“What…what are you doing?” She continued typing, pausing only to click the mouse from time to time, but she answered me nonetheless,

“Checking my email.”

“For what?”

“You wouldn’t understand. I’m also going through your hard drive. I have to make sure it’s clean.” I blinked at her back, trying to read her body language, to try and gain any clue as to her meaning. She gave nothing away. I also continued to test every muscle in my body, to no avail.

“Clean? What do you mean?”

“I’m checking for any records you might have on the DotR, as well as anything you might have on me. The former will go into my files, the latter will be erased.”

“I appreciate you being so forthcoming. May I ask why?” At this, she ceased taping the keys or moving the mouse. Her head half-turned toward me and her eyes completed the distance to look down at me.

“You seem quite at ease with all that’s happened tonight. I would’ve expected you to be in some sort of denial induced catatonia. I underestimated you.”

“That you did. But it’s forgivable, since you don’t know what my life was like as a child. If I locked up every time something twisted happened, I’d be living in a padded room by now.” All I could think to do was to keep her talking, keep her occupied. I had no idea what she intended to do with me once she was finished with my computer. If what she said was true, and I couldn’t move for several more hours, than it would be up to someone else to help me.

It was also the only option I could really accept. If I simply laid there and stayed quiet, trying to piece together what was going on, I really would lock up. Lilly frowned a bit, her smooth face creasing at the edges. Her eyes turned to the floor and she said,

“Alan…you don’t have to be this way. Hiding behind yourself to protect your heart from the truth.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She sighed audibly, and pushed away from the desk. Standing, she moved over to where I lay prone.

“I know you’re upset. You must feel betrayed…heart-broken…confused. I didn’t want it to go like this, but you forced my hand when you brought your parents into it.”

“You don’t know anything. And I don’t know you.” Maybe it was the pain I was feeling, but I’d swear that I saw an expression of hurt cross her face at that remark. It was only there a second, replaced quickly by a look of stone, but I thought I saw it. She crouched down beside me, and put her hand on my shoulder. The pain eased a bit then. I also felt my foot twitch, although I couldn’t tell if that was under my control, or only as a reflex.

“Alan, hon, I realize that we no longer have a chance together. But I need you to understand, I never meant to hurt you. I was going to tell you everything when the time was right. I should have realized that you’d call your family when you powers manifested, so that was my error. But I’ve been caught off guard more than once in the last few months. I’m not used to that.”

“What do you want? Why are you doing this? What do want from me?” Her hand squeezed my shoulder slightly. The fingers on my left hand began to wiggle ever so little, and I was certain that was my doing. Whatever she had done to me, I was fighting it off.

“I want…I want you, Alan. I need what only you can give me.”

“We tried that last night, things didn’t work out so hot. Well…you know what I mean.”

“I’m not talking about carnal delight. I’m referring to your power, the Endowment you’ve been given. I need it.” I clenched my hand into a fist, and felt blood flowing in my hand again, warm and fast.

“What, do you need a space heater or something? I’m not exactly versatile.” Lilly stifled a laugh, taking the hand she had laid on my shoulder away to cover her face with. As she giggled, I felt my cheeks flush with anger. I was angry that she was laughing at me. She was laughing at my power. This was the one thing that I had been waiting literally all of my life for, and it was so very worthless, yet she found it all humorous. My face and chest grew warm with emotion, and my fist
clenched tighter.

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to laugh. It’s just that you have no idea what you are. What you’ll become. Your potential. The heat you exhibit now is only a taste of what’s to come.” I was rapidly becoming more confused, and I was getting angrier along with it.

“You aren’t making any sense. I have no potential. I’m nothing. My whole life has taught me that one thing above all else. I’ve been nothing, I am nothing, and I will be nothing. You’re wasting your time with me. Maybe you have me mixed up with someone else. I’m nobody.” I knew that she had either lied about, or greatly over estimated the stun that I was under. I could now freely move my legs, my arms seemed unfettered, and the pain was beginning to recede. It was quickly replaced with the heat of anger.

“I wish I could convince you of what I know, but the only thing that-AAAAAHH!” Lilly had placed her hand on face, in an intimate gesture, and let out a shriek almost immediately. She snatched her hand away from me, cradling it with the other. Her stone expression had transformed to one of astonished horror. She stood up and backed away as I rose to my feet. It was a little difficult at first, as if my legs and arms had been asleep for an hour or so, but I managed. “That’s not possible. You should have no motor control until…and your powers…the heat…I don’t understand.”

“What’s there to understand? You hurt me, I hurt you. I’m petty like that.” She raised her uninjured hand towards me, in the same gesture she had used before. I gritted my teeth, and steeled myself for the inevitable agony that would follow, but nothing happened. She tried again, lowering than raising her arm. Still nothing happened. Her astonishment was turning to frustration. She cursed her hand, and took another step back. I took a step forward, and felt my body heat up as I thought it might. She began to recoil from the heat, moving towards the door. “You don’t like this? Being the victim?”

Flinging the door into the hall open wide she stumbled through, a mild tone of panic in her voice.

“Alan, don’t do this. I want to help you. I want to-“

“Help me? How does knocking me unconscious help me? Or keeping me pinned to the floor? Can you explain that?” I expected her to try, to make an attempt to come up with some excuse for why she had attacked me in the first place. She didn’t. She merely looked at me standing in the doorway to my room, as if she were searching for something. I had the definite feeling that she was somehow inside my mind, moving through my thoughts. It was only a few seconds between my question, and her answer. It wasn’t the answer I was looking for.

“There it is.” With those three words, I felt a stabbing pain beneath my temples. It was as if someone were digging a pair of dull, rusted knives into my forehead. I grabbed at my head, and fought to stay on my feet. I failed miserably and dropped to me knees for the second time that night. But there was something different, something new this time. Whatever she had done to me the first time wasn’t working anymore, and she’d had to resort to a different method of attack. It was weaker, and not as focused. I knew this by the fact that I was still awake and aware. “Don’t fight me, Alan. This would be much simpler if you simply gave in.”

“But I’m…ERRRRHH…I’m just get-ERRRRHH!...getting warmed up.” It took almost all I had left in me, but I got back on my feet. I was fairly certain that my ears were bleeding now, and I had the headache equivalent of an F-5 tornado. I was not going to stay down. I was not going to be beaten. Not by my (as of recently) ex-girlfriend. I couldn’t give her the satisfaction.

“You can’t keep fighting me, Alan. You don’t have the strength. I’ll admit, you caught me off guard before, but it won’t happen again. Don’t make me destroy you.” I couldn’t help but laugh myself at that.

“You know…that’s also from…Star Wars. It’s one of…Vader’s lines.”

“Ah. You know, I should have been more specific with you before. It’s not that I didn’t understand those movies. I just didn’t like them…at all. I thought they were ridiculous, child-written drivel. They were just horrible films. Especially the ones with Harrison Ford in them.” I felt the anger come back again, more potent than ever. The heat within me began to boil up, and I started to walk straight towards her.

“You just insulted the Holy Trilogy. Oh, it’s on now.”

-----

Before I continue, I want to take a moment to address a point that may have seemed out of focus before. When I told Lilly that I thought I loved her, I meant it. Of course I did. You don’t go tossing those words around with no consideration of the consequences. At least when you’re a chronic romantic you don’t. It may have seemed hasty, or rushed, or incredibly unintelligent, but it has been in my nature to make poor choices when it comes to women. I’ve had many more experiences with the fairer sex since then, but they’ve generally worked out the same. As far as the heartbreak goes, not the trying to kill me part. Have yet to go through all that again.

It may seem equally sudden that I’m ready and willing to fight this woman whom I care for. Again, the nature of the beast that is myself is to circumvent pain by any means necessary. My heart was breaking to hear Lilly talk to me that way, but I couldn’t show it. That, and I’d spent enough time around my parents to know that when the villain strikes, you have to act fast. No time can be afforded to hesitation, doubt, or sorrow. You must be sure of your actions, and make them count. The alternative is simply defeat, which in most cases means death. Lilly was my enemy, and I had no choice but to win against her. I wish I could say that was the outcome in this case.

I continued to startle her, as I pushed back her attempts to dominate and degrade me. I’m not certain if she expected me to be weaker physically or emotionally, but I confounded her for several minutes. I also learned that she was susceptible to my heat. It wasn’t just a matter of discomfort; there was definite pain in her eyes whenever I managed to crank it up. Of course, I couldn’t control the heat with any regularity, which proved to be my downfall. Maybe there was a pattern she could discern in the hot flashes, I can’t say even now, but she started to gain an advantage over me.

We struggled with one another from one side of the dorm to the other, the force of our powers’ clashing blew the main door off it’s hinges, sending shattered glass from it down the main campus drive. A crowd began to gather quite rapidly after that. It seemed that my initial screams of pain when Lilly first came into my room, had caused someone to alert the campus police, and their presence had already started a minor commotion among the students hanging around the dorm. They all came looking for us when the door blew. But they went ducking for cover when a poorly aimed blast of heat from my body actually destroyed the windows in a campus patrol car.

“There are people here, Lilly. They could get hurt.”

“You still don’t understand, do you? You don’t realize how little they matter. This isn’t about them.”

“Of course it is. You may have a need for me, but that doesn’t mean dragging others into the crossfire. Let’s take this somewhere else. It’s the right thing to do.”

“Right? There is no right. Or wrong. No good or evil. There is only power. I can’t believe you don’t see it that way. All the times you told me how long you waited to get yours.”

“It was never about having power for me.”

“Wasn’t it?”

“No.” The rain outside had abated for the night it seemed, leaving a cool layer of moisture around the campus. In the space between Lilly and I, the air crackled with my heat, and what ever the energy was that she was controlling. We stood no more than fifteen feet apart, caught in a standoff. I held back out of genuine concern for my fellow students. I can only guess that she was waiting for me to act, so as not to be taken by surprise again. As before, in my dorm room, I tried to keep her talking, hoping an opportunity to move away from the crowded university grounds would present itself. “Is that what this is all about? Gaining power?”

“I already told you that. Weren’t you listening?”

“I’m sorry, I guess your unprovoked assault distracted me.” I glanced around quickly with my eyes, trying to locate all the loose normals nearby. Some were hiding behind benches and parked cars; others were standing right out in the open. But every one of them was looking at us. More to the point, they were staring at me. It was almost as if, Lilly wasn’t even there. Some of them wore expressions of horror, and confusion, which were also directed solely at myself. It frustrated me. How could they be afraid of me? Lilly was the villain here, not me. I was merely defending myself, and (more to the point) I was concerned for their well being where she could care less. They should have been frightened of her.

“They’ll never understand you like I do. They’ll never know you like I do.” She was doing it again, getting inside my head. I could feel it clearly this time. It was like a snake writhing in my thoughts, squeezing them here and there to see which ones were tender enough to devour.

“Who are you?”

“I am…I am dedicated to my future. I didn’t come to you to hurt you. I came to you to help you.”

“So you said. I did hear that.”

“But you still weren’t listening. I want you to come with me, Alan. I want you beside me while I pursue my destiny.” Something wasn’t making sense in this. I couldn’t quite see it, but I could feel the discrepancy in everything like some extra sense I’d never tapped into before.

“Let me guess, Pinky. You’re trying to take over the world. Wait, that would make me Pinky, wouldn’t it? Do you realize how ridiculous that sounds?”

“You’re the only one that sounds ridiculous. What I’m talking about is manifest. With your powers and my vision, we would easily be above all these…these people.” I had never in my life heard someone speak a word with such rancor. She didn’t dislike normals. She abhorred them.

“I know they can be difficult. They don’t always accept what they don’t understand.”

“Don’t understand? Have you ever heard the things they say about us? The two-faced lies, the antipathy, the out and out deceit? It makes me sick. Do you know what they say about your own mother, Alan?” I felt a heavy wind kick up around me, and the few leaves left on tree branches nearby were torn off and began to fly wildly about. There was a surge in the electricity in the air, and my hair stood up on its end. I would have been concerned that Lilly was about to attack me again if it wasn’t for the familiarity I had with such an occurrence. My mother had come to help.

“Just what do they say about me, child?” She came down straight between us, facing Lilly, gliding out of the black sky. Her arms were raised above her head, as if she were gripping an invisible ladder from above her. Lilly went white (pardon the pun) and began to shake a bit. It was obvious how much she both admired and feared my mother.

“What are you doing here, mom?” I tried to keep my tone even, but I’m afraid I was still on edge from both Lilly’s words and the people’s stares. Not to mention, as much as I appreciated her helping me when I was a child, this was my time to take care of myself. “I didn’t ask you to come. I can handle this.”

“I think this is beyond you, dear. You father and I were talking, and-“

“I said, I can handl-!”

“Listen to me!” I can’t recall a time before that when she raised her voice at me. She was never the one who disciplined me, it was always dad. But she had this incredible ability to tell me how disappointed she was when I did something wrong that caused me to rethink my behavior. It was far more potent than threats of time-outs and suspensions of privileges ever were. That gave me an idea how serious she felt this was, but something was still wrong here, I knew it. I also knew that my mom was unaware of it, and perhaps so was Lilly. “This is not the person you think she is. She has a wealth of power and age that you don’t even know about. This is something for the rest of us to handle.”

“You called in the DotR for this? A fight between me and my girlfriend?”

“She’s more than your girlfriend, and you don’t-“

“I know damn well what she is!” I have also never yelled at my mother before, but then I didn’t see her much when I was a teenager. In all fairness, what I had said was a bald-faced lie, but mom didn’t know that. By the startled look on Lilly’s face, she didn’t know it either. Everyone was looking at me still, in rapt silence. The crowd, it seemed, had grown in number as well. I took a long look around this time, seeing everyone more clearly. They still focused their attentions on me, with expressions of confusion mixed with fear. I needed to back up my words somehow, but I had no idea how to do that without lying more. I closed my eyes against the sound of the wind, and the muffled whispers of on-lookers. I closed my thoughts away from my frustration with my mother’s patronizing intervention. I closed my heart apart from the delusions of what I had hoped Lilly was, and concentrated on the reality. I tried to hear that voice that had spoken to me. The one that had told me that something was wrong in the first place. I listened intently to it, trying to capture it’s words and it’s meaning.

When I opened my eyes again, a few moments had passed, but nothing had changed about the scene in front of me. The air had dropped several degrees, but the hot flashes still burned within me. I took a deep breath, and pushed them back inside, fighting my rising temper as I began to walk around my mother. I spoke to her, but I was looking at Lilly the entire time.

“She’s afraid. Afraid of being alone, and afraid of not knowing what tomorrow will be for her. She’s never really known love before, and the thought of it has always caused her pain. The more I loved her, the more it hurt her. For her, it isn’t real. It can’t ever be real. She comes from a place that twists gifts against the giver. It’s all she knows. It’s all she can ever be.” I moved past my unspeaking mother, stepping slowly towards Lilly. She was no longer white, but she was still visibly shaking. I couldn’t tell if it was the cold air that was chilling her, or something else. The words I spoke came from my throat, but the thoughts that formed them weren’t entirely mine. I’ve never been able to explain that clearly to anyone that hasn’t experienced it themselves, but it felt like there was a teleprompter in my brain feeding me these facts and memories of someone else.

I saw Lilly as a little girl, alone in a large house. She was frightened, and crying. There were other shapes around her, exaggerated shadows, like nightmares, that surrounded her, and suffocated her. They shouted things at her about how she was different and strange, and would never be worthwhile. There were terrible things in those visions that I am loath to explore in my own memories. I saw her grow older, and insensate as years passed. I saw her troubled by many more shadows and voices of animosity. Throughout it all, I saw Lilly learning terrible lessons that were, in many ways, the opposite of what I had learned growing up.

Despite the fact that we were from two different worlds, I understood her with unrivaled
clarity.

“She doesn’t know what to make of me. Of someone that actually cares, unconditionally, for her. It confuses and confounds her.”

“She attacked you, didn’t she? She needs to be punished for that.” I turned to face my mother, who seemed so much smaller to me at that moment.

“I believe her when she says she never wanted to hurt me. She’s misguided, not evil. She’s not the monster you want her to be, mom.” At that she put her head down, like a scolded child. I was very much aware of the irony.

“I’m just trying to protect you, Alan. It’s for your best interests.”

“Lilly said that she wanted to help me too. I’m going to make my own choices and my own mistakes. For good or for bad, they’re mine to make.” Turning back towards Lilly, I said to her, “I don’t hate you for what you did, but I can’t forgive you for it either. Not yet.” I reached out and took her hand. She made to pull away, to avoid the heat of me, but there was none to burn her. I wasn’t even warm to the touch. The winter air had seeped into my skin and left me with cold hands. I held hers tightly and stared deep into her eyes. The part of her that had been so emotionless towards me before had retreated. The stone soul she had hid behind was gone. In its place was a young girl that I so desperately wanted to console. My resolve stood firm, though, as I told her to go. I told her to leave the college behind and start somewhere fresh, somewhere that no one knew her. “Go somewhere warm.”

I let go of her hand, and she walked away from me, back across campus towards her dorm. My mother waited until she was out of sight, and then stepped up behind me.

“You shouldn’t have let her go.” I spun back towards her again, and this time I wasn’t trying to hide my displeasure.

“Once again, it’s my choice to make.”

“She’s dangerous.”

“No, she’s not. Not anymore. I made sure of it.” She looked in my face, and (again, for the first time I can remember) her expression turned to one of amazement.

“You can do that?” I nodded, and said nothing more about it. I wasn’t completely sure what I had done, or how I did it. I just knew. It was going to be a while before the limits of my powers could be fully tested, but the time to start was still away into the future. I told my mom that I was going to finish up with my finals in the coming week, then go back home with them for the break. That spring, I would return to college and pick a major. I was thinking of something to do with counseling.

“When I do go back with you, I do not want to be bothered about my Endowment. I want to relax, and do nothing. No tests, no questions, nothing. Okay?” She nodded, understanding (I believe) that this was something I was very serious about.

“You really did love her, didn’t you?”

“This isn’t about her, mom. She’s just a girl.” Her hand rested on my cheek, and she smiled weakly,

“Of course, dear.” Her brows furrowed just a little, and she moved her hand to my forehead. “Are you feeling alright? You’re awfully warm, dear.” I mumbled that I was fine, and that I’d see her in a few days. Giving her a quick hug, I headed back into my dorm to start packing. I apologized to her later for my terseness, but I didn’t want to go on about Lilly just then. It was still so close to the surface.

I saw her go over to the campus police officer (still huddled behind a lamp post) and work on restitutions for the damages. It was a necessary part of the “business” we Endowed participate in. I thought it might feel strange to include myself in the same category as my parents and the DotR. But it was one of the few things that night that felt right.

I switched on the TV while I straightened up and packed away some clothes. It was going to be unusual going back to my old room at the DotR headquarters. Not because of my powers, or the changing relationship with my mother, or even that it was in another dimension. What made it unusual to me was that the last time I’d been in that room was before I left for high school. More than five years had passed, and, as my mother had told me, the room had remained relatively untouched. That meant that all the old memories of my life would be there. The photos, the notes, old sketches, toys…everything that I, the child, had left behind would there when I, the burgeoning adult, returned. And, on the weather channel, they reported that this was destined to be the coldest winter in history for the region, complete with chilling winds, biting frost, heavy snow, and temperatures below freezing. Only one word came to my mind:

“Good.”

-End-