"Kingsport"

It was my junior year in high school. It was Saturday and my friends Chris and Big House and I were on our way to Kingsport. Compared to our little town, Kingsport was huge. They’ve even got their own cattle auction house. Anyway, since I still had the mud grip tires on my truck, it was still early spring, we were taking Chris’s Mustang.

The three of us climbed in that tiny baby blue ‘Stang as we called it and were off on our big city adventure. Big House had to sit in the back because I called shotgun before he had a chance to open his mouth. Chris and I both laughed as he worked his way back there and once he got in it looked like he was wearing that little car. See Big House was a big ole boy. That’s how he got his nickname. His real name was Eric but we all called him Big House or just House for short because he was as big as a house. This yung’un was six feet three or four inches tall and about 350 lbs at 15 years old. He always wore overalls, work boots, and a flannel shirt. In the summer time his flannel shirt would have the sleeves cut out of it. He was the biggest hearted guy you could ever meet. He was the type of person that would go out of his way to avoid a conflict with anyone. That, combined with the facts that he was the youngest out of the group and the most gullible person we all knew, made him the target of most of our practical jokes. He took them all in stride though. God bless him.

It wasn’t long before we realized that it probably wasn’t a good idea to put House in the back seat. Going down Chris’s driveway the back wheels rubbed every time we hit a bump. We solved that problem though by having the big boy slide over and set in the very middle. Things would smooth out once we were on the highway.

Once we’re on our way we passed the time by swapping insults at each other.

“Mikey, your momma’s so fat when she walks across the floor the radio skips.”

“Oh yeah, well your momma’s so ugly she has to sneak up on a class of water.”

“House, you were so ugly when you were a baby your dad had to tie a pork chop around your neck just to get the dogs to play with you.”

“Chris, you were so ugly when you were born the doctor took one look at you and then slapped your mom.”

“Hey, get off my mom. I just got off yours……and I thing she gave me an rash.”

“Oh yeah, well why is your voice so deep? Are your tonsils bruised?”

“Well at least my mom ain’t on the cover of Drunk Whore magazine.”

“No, but she wants to be.”

It went on like that for about 30 minutes. When we finally reached Stone Drive at the outer edge of Kingsport there was a shiny black Camaro pulled over with the hood up. Being raised to always help someone when we could we pulled over to see what we could do. After we pulled up, this blonde that looked to be in her mid twenties got out of the car. She was wearing a pair of real short cutoff shorts and a white button down shirt tied at the waist with the sleeves cut out and cleavage spilling from the top. She was hotter than a two dollar pistol. Ever heard that saying “built like a brick shit house”? Well, her shit house was on lake front property. Anyhow, being the best mechanic out of the bunch I looked the engine over while my friends looked her over. I couldn’t see anything wrong and neither could they. So I told her, “I don’t know what it is wrong with it.”

“Well, could you guys help a girl out and take her to Shoney’s. My sister works there and I can ride home with her after work.” She answered.

“Sure thing, ma’am.”

“Call me Tammy.”

“Yes, ma’am. I mean Tammy, ma’am.”

Chris was always so smooth around the women.

Knowing there was no way I could sit in the back with Big House and Chris never let anybody drive the ‘Stang because you had to know the trick to how to get it started, we put Tammy in the back seat with House. We were all three virgins and this was the closest any of us had ever been to getting laid. I guess House was the closest by proximity.

Since Shoney’s was at the far end of Kingsport we had plenty of time for chit chat on the way. We all engaged in small talk and I noticed House hadn’t said anything in a while and I glanced back and he was staring out the window and his face seemed flushed. I started to say something when I noticed Tammy’s hand rubbing his thigh. I nudged Chris but he didn’t notice. He was to busy staring at her boobs in the mirror. So I nudged him again harder. This time he seen what I was talking about and got a big grin on his face.

The small talk continued. You know the stuff: where are you from?, what’s it like there?, how long have you had the Camaro?. That kind of meaningless conversation. Anyway, the longer she is with us the more friendly she gets with House and the more uncomfortable he gets. He’s trying his best to get away from her but there’s not much room to run in the back of the ‘Stang. She lays her head on his arm and he tries to shrug her off. She’s patting his leg and he wiggles his butt around in the seat. Chris and I are trying our best to keep from laughing out loud. Every now and then one of us would loose control and let out a tiny snicker. This whole time House is back there with his face against the window acting like he is afraid to even look at her.

We finally pull into Shoney’s and I get out and let her out. She thanks us and waves. Her ass was a pretty as two puppies playing under a blanket and Chris and I both enjoy watching it as she crosses the parking lot.

I get back in the car and we both turn around to see Big House mad as an old wet hen back there just fuming. Chris and I both burst out laughing so hard I’m afraid I’m going to pee my pants. The harder we laugh the madder he gets. When Chris finally catches his breath he asks him, “What’s the matter with you, boy. She was all over you and you didn’t do anything.”

“Stop it, it’s not funny!”

“Was you afraid she was going to hurt you or something.” I ask, still trying to catch my breath from laughing so hard.

“No!” Big House was pretty hot and his face was blood red.

“Well, what’s the matter then?”

House explained, “My momma told me that if I ever had sex before I got married I’d turn to stone and I already felt myself getting hard!”