Mental

CHAPTER 1

The year is 2004 around election time. My best friend and I are putting up signs for our local Democratic office. We hope to try and get as many people to vote against the president as we can. My friend, Cole Dagwood, is one of the biggest Democrats in town. It would be hard for Cole if he had to endure another four years of President Bush. I myself could really care less. I mainly do it for Cole.

Cole is by all means a big family man. He has two twin daughters and one son. Cole's family is mine, because I literally have none. My parents both died when I was a child in a terrible car crash. I was the only child. Luckily, an elderly woman who raised me adopted me. She gave me a comfortable life and worked hard to send me to the local college here in town. During my second year of college, she was diagnosed with breast cancer and died. She was all I had, and I was all she had, so she ended up leaving her last will and testimony to me. Without her, the house seemed too big and lonely, so I sold it. I used the money to finish college and move to the city, where I could finish my education at the State University. During my time at the university, I met Cole. We hit it right off at the beginning as best friends. I thought I was the luckiest guy in the world to hang out with someone as cool as Cole. Cole also met his wife, Tracy, while attending the university. They married right after graduation, and had their son shortly after that. Cole and I did everything together. I was his best man at the wedding, and we even looked for the same job, so that we could work together. Long and behold, we found one. Adams and Goldsmith, a small company in our hometown, Peytonville. Nine years later, here we are doing what Cole loves best, politics.

The day before the election was a busy a day. Cole and I took vacation time from work, so that we could devote all of our time to this election. Cole was a nervous wreck. According to some polls they showed on T.V. that Monday afternoon, the President was leading. Trying to calm down Cole, I told him "It's a bogus poll". He said, "Your right, what do they know anyways". We laughed about it, but I knew that didn't seem to help matters. I could still see the worry in his eyes. I also know, he didn't sleep that night because he was grouchy and snapping at everyone the next morning. He was not going to be at peace until this election was over.

That night, when the news finally came out, President Bush won. Cole was at my apartment when we heard the news. Tracy did not want him at the house because she knew if Bush won, Cole would be a wreck. She was right, he was. The only words he could mutter was "I'm going to sleep". I knew there was nothing I could do for him, so I just said "good night". When I awoke the next morning, I walked to the kitchen and made breakfast. About an hour later, Cole woke up. I asked him if he would be okay to go to work today. He told me no. He said, "I am not going back to work for a couple of more days, because I need to help clean up the election office". I told him to take care, and then I left for work.

When I arrived at work, I knew there were going to be people gloating and making fun, so in a sense, I was kind of glad Cole didn't come in. Cole and I were known to do our share of gloating in the past, so I knew we had it coming. After work, I left that day feeling as if it were an ordinary day. When I got home, the phone rang. It was Cole calling from the office. He said, "I'm sure those guys at work had something to say today". I said, "Yep, they did". Cole just laughed. He told me that he was going out and buy some dinner for the family after he got finished at the office. He sounded like he wanted to make up for last night.

After I got off the phone, I took a shower and then went to bed. About five hours later the phone rang again. I said "hello", and on the other end, all I heard was crying, with no answer. So, I said again, "hello, who is this, Tracy?" She finally spoke up and said, "Something terrible has happened, and he needs you". I replied, " Tracy, what is wrong, where are you?" She said, "You need to come to the hospital". I said, "Are you and the kids okay?" She said, "It's not us, it's Cole". I just stood there, motionless as she said the words, "He's dying". I dropped the phone and headed straight to the hospital.

On my way to the hospital, those words kept ringing in my head. I started screaming, "no, not him, Lord! Not him!" "Why do you keep taking everyone away from me, why? What have I done to you! What! Tell me!" Then I just calmed down, and said to myself, "he's okay, Tracy is just overacting like she always does, he's not dying". After that, I just cried the rest of the way to the hospital. When I got there, I ran inside and found them outside the door of his room, crying. I said, "Where is he! Where is he?" She just hugged me and said, "He is gone!" I said, "what, he's not gone, he can't be gone, NO!" The kids just stood there crying not knowing what to do. Then I just walked away, crying too.

His death was timed just right, just like all the other deaths that have happened around me. Coming home that night, he stopped and picked up dinner just like he said he would. About the time that he was going to get into his car, a carjacker came up behind him and shot him three times in the back. Then took his wallet and keys and drove off in his truck. The people inside the restaurant witnessed the whole thing and called the police. When the police arrived, Cole was still laying there in the parking lot bleeding to death. No one could identify who the carjacker was because he was wearing a mask and gloves and dressed totally in black. When Cole arrived at the hospital, he wasn't breathing and had lost too much blood. They pronounced him dead at 10:04 p.m. that night. The next day the police found the truck dumped in the Peytonville Lake. Since the cab of the truck had been totally submerged under water, no evidence could be found. Deep down inside, I know Cole is in heaven. The hard part is, I know I will never seem him again. My destiny is different.


CHAPTER 2

Three days later, we buried Cole. Tracy is still in shock and the children are still refusing to say goodbye to the most gentle man I have ever known. I have no idea what to do now. If it weren’t for Cole after my foster mother died, I would have not made it this far. He was my protector, now he is gone. I now feel burden by his family when they look at me, especially the children. They remind me of myself after my parents died, like they're wondering who will take care of them now. I cannot take care of them; I can barely take care of myself. They shouldn't look at me like that. I did not ask for this to happen. I keep putting the fault on God. I believe he keeps me from happiness. All I can do is pray for an answer to come one day.

Tracy and the children were well taken care of by our friends and family, that following Sunday. So, I decided to get away for a while and let my head clear. I went home and sat on the couch. After about 10 minutes, I went into a wild rage and trashed my apartment. My neighbors heard the commotion and were scared, so they called the police. After I finally calmed down, they showed up. When I opened the door, they saw my apartment and asked if everything was okay. I told them yes, and that I was rearranging my apartment. They told me to try and be a little more quiet, then they left. After that, I went into the bedroom and passed out on the bed.

The next morning I woke up, and looked around at what I did. I wasn't too pleased with myself. It's like it was another person that did this. All I could say was, "WHY! Why did I do this?" it seemed idiotic. But I knew I had to forget it, and get to work. It had been since Wednesday, when I was there last. It almost seemed that it had been a month. All I knew was that if I was going to get through this, I had to get back. So, I went, and when I got there, it seemed as if I had never been there before. The mood was different and everyone was scared to say anything about what happened the week before. When I clocked in, there was a big sign saying there was going to be a company meeting after lunch. I thought to myself, the last time we had a company meeting, there was a layoff. Come to think of it, every time there is a company meeting, there is a layoff. Maybe this is the reason why everyone seems different, because the thought of a layoff is a scary thing. Luckily, Cole and I have always dodged the dreadful layoff. But this time, Cole is not here. Should I worry, Cole never did worry about his job, why should I? The day seemed to drag forever until the news came, and when it did come, it was official. Layoffs would begin at the end of the week and would cover all areas of the company. It seemed the recession had finally reached us too, and there was nothing we could do about it. This was the worst November of my life. All I could do was struggle through the rest of the day until I could tell Tracy, as if she could take anymore bad news.

When the day ended, I headed straight to Tracy to tell her about the layoff. When I got there, I walked inside, and saw her arguing with someone on the phone. She was screaming, "Fired, what do you mean, fired!" Then she just hung up the phone when she saw me. I asked her, "What is wrong?" then she hung her head and said, "Cole was fired the Friday before last". Then I said, "Fired, what do you mean, fired!" Then she said, "His employment was terminated on October 29th". Then I just sit down in disbelief as she explained what she just heard. Then she started muttering, "this wasn't suppose to happen!" Then I told her, none of this was suppose to happen. Then I got up and walked outside mad. She just cried. After I calmed down, I went back inside and spoke to Tracy. I said to her, "that was why he was so ill Monday, it wasn't about the election, I just thought he was overacting". She said, "me too, he wouldn't talk civilized that weekend, he just yelled at me". Then I said, "he was just protecting you, he didn't want me or you and the kids to worry about him". She said, "Did you sense anything wrong at work, for them to fire him?" Then I said, "no, not at that time. I didn't sense anything, but today." She said, "what, tell me." Then I told her about the lay off at the end of the week. I said, "I never figured they would fire Cole, they could of at least waited for the lay off"! She said, "He must have done something, or I..., never mind". Then I said, "What, what possibly have you've done?" She said, "You’re right, forget I said anything". So, I told her I would find out something tomorrow at work. That whole evening, we were very quite around the children. We didn't see any need to alarm them also. After dinner, I went home.

The next morning, I woke up bound and determined to find out everything. At this point, I could care less if they fired me too. I just wanted to know what happened. As soon as I got to work, I clocked in and went straight to Human Resources. I asked them why Cole Dagwood was fired on October 29th. They kindly replied, "We are unable to release confidential material or information on terminated employees". So, after a heated argument, she finally directed me to Bobby Atwood's office. When I met Bobby, we set down and started to talk. The first thing I asked him was, "why did Adams and Goldsmith wait so long before they contacted Cole's wife"? He said, "no one ever contacted Cole's wife". I said, "someone from here contacted her yesterday". He said, "it wasn't from here, it had to be someone else". I just looked puzzled. Then I asked him, "Why was Cole fired"? He told me that Cole was fired for assaulting the floor manager. I said, "what? Cole hasn't ever assaulted anyone as long as I have known him". Bobby said, "We had no choice". I said, "The floor manager you’re speaking of is Donald Carter, right?" Then he said, "Yes, it is". Then I said, "what kind of investigation was done, and what exactly happened". Bobby told me that Cole punched Donald, and that there was a witness. I said, "who?" Then Bobby told me he witnessed the event, but he only saw the punch, not the conversation. Then I asked him, "what if he deserved it, how do you know?" Then he told me that he had to literally pull Cole off of Donald. After he said that, I just sit there in shock. I couldn't begin to wonder what would make Cole do this.

Right before I ended the conversation with Bobby, I asked him if I could see Donald. I wasn't too happy when I heard Bobby say, "Donald quit yesterday". At that point, I was confused; I didn't really know what to do. So, I asked him if he knew where I could find him. I really needed to talk with Donald. He said, "Donald lives over at Peytonville Lake apartments. I replied, "Peytonville Lake". He said, "yes". I told Bobby thanks and then left.

On my way out, I went to see my boss, Roger Drake. I asked him if I could take a couple of days off. He said, "I can't afford to let you go, you have been taking off too much time already!" Then I said, "That's because my friend died, give me a break!" Then he said, "That's not my problem". After that remark, I told him that I was leaving. He replied, "If you leave, you are fired!" Then I turned around and said, "We will talk later". He then continued to follow me out the door screaming at me in front of everyone. He was saying, "do you want lose your job, I will fire you". I finally got tired of this and turned around. I grabbed him by the throat and said, "Fire me then". After I let go of him, he seemed a little scared. Everyone was looking at me as if I had just killed the man. Before I walked away, I told him that I really needed some time, it is important. Then he cowardly said, "We will talk later". While I was walking out of the company, I was boiling red.

Driving in my car, on my way over to Peytonville Lake, all of this seemed too be linked together some how. There was so much that I was unaware about. I kept saying, "Cole used to tell me everything, why not this?" I felt betrayed but scared at the same time. All the things that have happened in the last two weeks just sit there in my head, while I tried to sort it all out. It almost seemed as if I didn't want to know what really happen. One thing for sure, it needed to end.


CHAPTER 3


When I arrived at Peytonville Lake Apartments, I went to the office. I asked the landlord, which apartment was Donald Carter's. She told me he lived in 12A. I told her thanks and then proceeded down to his apartment. I knocked on his door three times before he answered it. When he opened the door, he was on the telephone. He invited me in and then signaled me it would be a minute. I just stood there, while he took his call in the back room. I overheard him say, "Have you done it yet?" Then I heard him hang up.

When he finally came out, he looked a little worried. He kind of shrugged it off and asked me why I was there. I told him that I was a friend of Cole Dagwood's. He said, "Yeah, I know you". He continued to say, "I hate what happened to Cole, and especially what happened between us before he was killed". Then I told him, that's the reason I was there. I asked him, "Why did he attack you, what provoked him to do such a thing?" He said, "Cole came in that morning furious at me and he told me that I was trying to ruin his life". I said, "hold up, what?" He said, "Yeah, exactly what I said". I asked him, "Was they’re anything else said?" He said, "no, after that, he attacked me, then security dragged him out of the building, and that was the last time we saw each other". As we sit there and talked I couldn't imagine Cole doing this. I just wanted to stand up and call Donald a liar to his face. This wasn't the Cole I knew.

After Donald told me his side of the story, I left. He still seemed reluctant to answer some of my questions, but it was enough. With all that I knew I was sure Tracy would want to know. So, I headed there to tell her. When I got there, it was late, but she met me at the door wanting to know everything I found out. As I was telling her what I knew, she could hardly believe the things that they said Cole did. She just hung her head and cried. I didn't know what to do, so I just hugged her and told her everything would be okay. After that, I asked her, "Did the person who called yesterday, that told you Cole was fired, leave a name"? She looked at me strange and said, "no, they just said that they were calling from Adams and Goldsmith and wanted to inform me that my husband's employment had been terminated". I just sit back and said, "That's strange". She didn't say anything else. About an hour later, I left and went home.

When I got home, I noticed that my apartment had been broken into. As I slowly looked around my apartment to see if anything was missing, someone came up behind me, and hit me in the back of the head. It clearly knocked me out. About an hour later, I woke up. I was tied to a chair, and gagged. Not knowing whom this person was or what they wanted, I remained calm. I could tell it was a man, from his voice, but I could not tell what he looked like, because he was wearing a mask and gloves and dressed totally in black. He asked me one question, "what do you know about Cole Dagwood's death"? I knew he was serious because he had a gun aimed at my head. Then he said " I'm going to un-gag you, but if you do anything stupid or don't answer my question, I will put a bullet in your head". I nodded yes. I told him that Cole was my friend and that I had no idea who killed him. I pleaded with him that I just wanted to find out why Cole was fired from his job. That was all. Then he told me, to keep my nose clean or he would pay me another visit. I nodded yes again. Before he left, he told me not to make a sound for one hour, or he would come back and kill me. I nodded yes again.

After he left, I reached into my pocket for my pocketknife so I could cut the ropes. When I finally got free, it had been a good thirty minutes, so I quietly left my apartment and got in my car and drove straight back to Tracy and the kids. I was afraid if I was attacked, that maybe, that psycho might go after them too. When I got there, everything looked peaceful and quite, so I just sit there in my car all night, watching.

In the morning, I realized that they were safe, so I left. I went straight to the police office to report what happen. The police seemed concerned because that was the same description of the carjacker that killed Cole. They also seemed a little concerned about me, because I wasn't that shaken up over the conflict. They wanted to know if I needed some help. I just refused, then got up and walked out. I wasn't really sure what I was going to do about it, but I knew I had to do something.


When I got in my car, I decided that I have had enough. I was going back to see Donald. He was going to answer all of my questions this time. I don't care if I have to finish what Cole started. When I got there, I knocked on the door, but no one answered. I decided, that I was going to wait on him until he got back. So, I sit there for about twenty minutes, and then he showed up. I didn't park too close to his apartment because I didn't want him to think that I have been waiting on him. When he got out of his car, I noticed that he was wearing all black with gloves on, just like the guy last night. Only this time, he wasn't wearing a mask. At first, I wanted to leave and go tell the police, but if I did that, I would not find out what I wanted to know. So, I decided that I would confront him. I knew very well he had a gun, so, I needed to take him by surprise so that he didn't have a chance to shoot me. I went up to his door and stood to the side so he couldn't see me, then I knocked. He came to the door, opened it, and saw no one there. When he stuck his outside to see, I punched him square in the face. He fell straight back, and was dazed. I continued to beat him. While I was throwing punches and kicks, I swore at him. When he tried to get up and reach for his gun, I knocked him down again. I took out my pocketknife and put it to his throat. I told him, "I can forget about last night, but I can't forgive you for what you did to Cole". He said, "What, what do you mean". I said, "You know very well what I mean". He just sat there scared, saying, "Why are you doing this"? I said, "I know that was you last night". He said, "Whatever happen to you last night, that wasn't me". I said, "That's your gun isn't it"? He said, "yeah". I said, "that gun was pointed at my head last night, from a guy who looks exactly like you do right now, only without the mask". He said, "It wasn't me, I promise". Then I took the knife away from his throat and said, "If it wasn't you, then who was it"? Then he kicked the knife out of my hand and then got up and punched me. I went down. Then he said, "oh, I remember now, didn't I tell you to keep your nose clean". About that time he reached over and grabbed his gun while I rushed toward him. He got off a shot but missed me. We struggled for the gun. Then another shot went off. He fell to the floor as the bullet went into his stomach. As he lay there bleeding to death, he told me it was too late. I said, "What do you mean too late". He said, "It's being done at this very moment". "What", I screamed. He said, "us". I said, "I don't understand, tell me what you mean, us". Then he finally said, "Tracy....". After that, he died. I just stood there with blood on my hands, scared of what I was thinking. I ran outside, jumped in my car and headed straight to Tracy and the kids. This isn't how I wanted it to end.



CHAPTER 4



When I arrived at their house, everything still seemed calm, but I wasn't going to take a chance. I had to know if they were okay. I ran up to the door, and it was locked. I took a look inside through the window and saw Brian, Cole's son, lying on the floor, bleeding. In panic, I reached in my pocket and got the key and opened the door. The house was a mess, and it looked as though there was a fight. I bent down to see about Brian, and he was still alive, but his head was bleeding. I was almost scared to call out for Tracy, because the person that did this might still be here. So I went over to the phone and dialed 911. After I notified the police, I began to look around quietly until I heard crying in the bathroom. I tried to open the door but it was locked too. I yelled "Tracy, is that you"? She didn't answer. I said, "Is there someone in there with you, are you hurt, are the girls okay"? She still did not answer. Then I said, "Whoever you are, I have called the police on you, and your friend Donald is dead, it's over"! As soon as I said that, the door swung open and Tracy came storming out, attacking me. She said, "what did you do, what did you do to him"! I threw her off and said, "have you gone mad, what is wrong with you"! She just kept screaming at me. I thought she was mentally insane because of what happened here. As soon as I started walking towards the bathroom she got in front of me and said, "If you destroyed us, I will kill you too". I said, "us". Then I said, "Tracy, what have you done, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE"! I threw her to the side and stepped inside the bathroom. I about collapsed when I saw that horrid sight. Cole's two daughters, Bailey and Bethy, were floating lifeless in the bathtub. I turned away in fright, and puked.


When I walked out of the bathroom in disbelief, I was barley standing. It felt like someone had just stabbed me through the heart. About that time, Tracy ran back to the bedroom, and I knew what she was going to do. That's were Cole kept his gun. She closed the door before I got there. I just kicked it in. She already had the gun in her hands. At that moment, I didn't care if I lived or died. I rushed her, and then she pulled the trigger. The bullet hit me in the shoulder, but I managed to knock the gun out of her hands. As we both went for the gun, she told me that I ruined her life. I grabbed the gun first and then hit her in the head with it. She went down. She said, "We loved each other, this life needed to end." I said, "Your crazy, you killed your children, how could you do that, are you heartless"? She said, "After this was over, we were going to be free". I said, "this isn't right, you don't deserve to live". She said, "You can't kill me, you called the police, remember". I said, "Yeah, I do". Then I said, "see you in hell" as I pulled the trigger. The bullet went straight into her head, and she collapsed, dead.

As I stood there bleeding, with a gun in my hand, I realized, my life was pointless. I raised the gun to my head and was going to pull the trigger. Then I heard Brian. He needed me. I dropped the gun and ran in the living room to comfort him. About that time, the police came through the front door. Their eyes were horrified just like mine, when they saw two-year-old Bailey and Bethy, dead in the bathtub. As they took Brian to the hospital, they kept me there. I could see that they had their doubts about my story. I was afraid, if Brian didn't tell them what really happen here, they would pin this on me.

After they finished questioning me, I was finally taken to the hospital too. My arm felt as if it had just fallen off. I wished on my way there, that we would crash and that I would be killed. I did not want to live. If it wouldn't for Brian, I would of shot myself then. He was all I could think about. It seemed that none of the past mattered anymore, just Brian.

When we arrived at the hospital, I was taken to the emergency room and detained there until further questioning. I felt as if I was the one who killed everybody. It all seemed as if it was my fault it happen. I kept asking everyone if Brian was all right. I just wanted to know. Finally, a nurse came in to check on my shoulder and told me that he was talking but they were worried about a blood clot on his brain. After that, I sit there for another two hours before I got any more information.

Then, a detective came in and talked with me. He told me everything they found out about Tracy and Donald. He said, "If I had to put money on it, they were going to set you up my friend". I looked at him and said, "I cannot believe these people, they were sick". He said, "No, they were in love". I said, "That has to be the reason why Cole attacked Donald, he found out about them and didn't tell me or Tracy". He said, "Oh, Tracy found out alright, when Donald told her". I said, "That's why he got killed not too long after that, they had a plan". He said, "I guess Cole thought he could handle it, but he just didn't realize how serious it was". I told him that, "I think I walked in on two of their conversations, and he was probably forcing her to do what she did". He just said, "She probably would of done anything that man told her to do". After he said that, I got sick and changed the subject. I asked him about Brian. He told me that Brian was in stable condition and that he told the police everything. He told them that he fought with his mother until she hit him in the head with a wooden bat. After that, he was unaware of anything else. The detective also told me that I was free to go because he knew that the district attorney would never get a conviction. They both deserved what they got and it would be considered self-defense in any court. Then he told me that Brian was asking for me. I told him thanks and then headed towards Brian. When I got to Brian's room, he was crying. I went up to him and told him not to worry, that I would not let anything else happen to him. He just reached up and wanted me to hug him. Then, he asked me, what made his mother do what she did. I said, "some people change for the good and some for the bad, your mother changed for the bad". He left it at that. I stayed by his side the rest of the night. I decided that I was not going to leave this 9-year-old boy ever again. He was my responsibility now. He was all I had left.

That morning, nurses and doctors surrounding Brian woke me up. Brian was having a seizure. They asked me to leave the room. About thirty-minutes later, one of the doctors came out to speak with me. They said that Brian just had a terrible seizure due to the massive blood clot on his brain. He told me that there was nothing he could do for Brian, that he was brain dead. At that moment, I fell to the floor. The doctor bent down and motioned for a nurse to come. The doctor told me that I could leave him on life support or they could disconnect, and Brian would go peacefully. I just sit there on the cold hospital floor crying, "why"! The doctor and nurse helped me up and sit me in a chair. They were talking to me, but I could not hear what they were saying anymore. Something in my head shut off. All reason left. I just stood up and said, "Do what's best". I walked in were they were standing and leaned over and kissed Brian on the forehead. I whispered to him, "I'm sorry". Then I walked out.

As I was leaving the hospital, I started thinking to myself it's over. I was at ground zero for the third time, and there was nothing for me to do now. I got into my car and drove back to my apartment. When I got there, I opened the door and went inside. Everything was still a mess from the incident with Donald. Everything looked worthless now. Money, power or fame could not rid me of this feeling. I felt as if I would die at that very moment. I was ready for it. I even prayed for death. I was at an end.

I sit there on the bed, and thought. I have failed at everything I have ever done. Was there anything that I could possibly change? Could I possibly do something good before I die? The only thing I knew about that I didn't like and could possibly change was coming tomorrow. As I lay down, I then realized there was something to look forward to. My destiny.


CHAPTER 5


The following day, Friday, I woke up. I was feeling something that I had never felt before. It was peace. My mind was clear and I knew exactly what I had to do. I got up, put my clothes on and left. I went back over to Cole's place. In Cole's garage there was a shotgun he never told Tracy about. He only told me. He wanted me to use it, if the time ever came. I decided that the time had come. I wondered how I would use it, because my arm was in a sling. It was num, and I could hardly move it. Then I thought, after this was over, my arm would not be an issue. Nothing would be an issue. I would be free of this feeling, and everything that has happened would be no more. So, I grabbed the gun and the ammo, and then I left.

It seemed nothing inside of me was fighting to change my direction. My purpose was clear. You didn't have to be a fortuneteller to know my fate. It was obvious. I was going to stop the injustice and then pay for my crime that I had to commit to succeed. It was the perfect plan. While I smiled, I drove to Adams and Goldsmith.

When I got there, the security guard stopped me in my car at the gate. He told me that I could not enter because I was fired Tuesday. I just smiled at him and said, "I knew that I would probably be fired for what I did". He said, "I'm sorry". I said, "I'm sorry too". Then I picked up the gun, and aimed it at him through the window. He stumbled back in fright, and screamed while I pulled the trigger. I got out of my car and went inside the security office and locked down the gate and all the doors, except for the front door. I stared down at his lifeless body and felt nothing as I walked out.

It was in the early morning and work had just started so I knew that the layoffs would begin soon. I walked up the ramp to the front door and went inside. As I walked in the front lobby, people just ducked underneath their desk when they saw the shotgun. I told them all to get up. I said, "If you try and do anything stupid, I will shoot you". They just stood there, scared. Then I ordered them to move out onto the main floor. As I passed by each office, I would find another person hiding. I was relentless. I kept screaming, "move". They were all frightened. I finally gathered up at least 20 people on my way out to the main floor.

When we got out to the floor, I demanded that everyone gather in the middle. I blocked the way to the only exit. I informed them that I didn't plan on leaving alive, so don't try anything, or they would come with me. I could see that they were about 75 people standing there. I told them that I need the list of the people that were going to be laid off today. Then my former boss, Roger, came out of the crowd. He said, "Are you crazy, have you gone loony tunes, what do you plan to accomplish from this"? I pointed the gun at him, and said, "I told you we would talk later". Then I pulled the trigger. He fell back, dead. Everyone just screamed. Then, I said, "We will not have any more outbursts". Then a man came walking up with the list, and handed it to me while his hands were shaking nervously. I said, "thank you". He nodded and then returned back into the crowd. I said, "there are twenty names on this list, when I call out your name you are free to go". Everyone just looked at each other in amazement. As I called out the names, they would slowly come forward, look back and then run out the door. There was a few that decided to stay. I stepped up closer and said, "I will not tolerate any hero's". I demanded they leave too or they would be shot. Then they finally left. I looked down at the faces that remained. I thought to myself, I used to work with these people and I had relationships with them, but today they are strangers. They seemed like I had never met them before. I said to them, "I am not playing God here, I could really care less about this place, I just didn't know where else to go". I continued to say, "I have no quarrel with you people, I used to call you friends, but all I feel now is suffering". I wanted to let them go at that very moment, I didn't want to kill anymore. I wanted peace.

As I sit there watching over them not knowing what to do next, the telephone rang. I told one of them to answer it, because it was annoying me. One of the ladies quickly got up and answered the phone. She said, "it's the police", as she smiled. I said, "What do they want"? She said, "They want to know what your demands are". I said, "Tell them I have no demands and that this incident will soon be over". She told them and then I told her to hang up the phone. They didn't ever call back, so I figured they knew I was serious. I did not want to die by their hands; I wanted to face myself to see what I had become. So, I decided to let everyone go, except for one. I told Bobby Atwood to stay behind. I could see that he wasn't surprised. We stood there as they all exited the room.

I told Bobby that I was sorry that it had to come to this. Bobby asked me, "Are you going to kill me"? I said, "No, I need a witness". He said, "then drop the gun and we can end this". I said, "It already has ended". He said, "I know what happen, and it would be awful for anyone to bear, but...". I interrupted him by pointing the gun at him and told him not to mention anything from the past". Then I said, "This is all about the future". He said, "You didn't save their jobs". I said, "I know, I did this to prove a point". I continued to say, "Those people right now are not thinking about their jobs, they are thinking about something more important". He said, "what"? I said, "They have family's at home to go to, they can find another job, they can't find another family". He said, "You've ruined some lives today too". I said, "maybe so, but I still gave them something to be thankful for". Then I said, "Those people will cherish the rest of this day and be thankful, thankful that they are still alive". Then Bobby said, "your mental". I said, "Yes, I am". Then I said, "go, leave me, your free to go". He gave me a look that said, don't. I just turned my back to him and walked towards the men's room.

When I opened the door and went inside, I walked toward the sink. I bent down and splashed some water on my face and looked at myself in the mirror. It was the first time I looked in the mirror today, and I noticed something. I noticed my true self. It was a monster staring back at me. It was almost frightening. The only thing that came to mind was the words that I told Brian the night before he died. The words, "some people change for the good and some for the bad". I realized then, that I had changed for the bad. I did the same thing that Tracy did. I wanted to be rid of my life just as she did. I now understand why she did it. I am the same monster, a monster that must be eliminated. I am the plague on humanity and I am evil in the flesh. I am selfish. After I realized what I had become, I put the barrel of the shotgun in my mouth. I faced myself in the mirror, and said, "good riddance". Then, I pulled the trigger.


THE END