Night Before Christmas (Parody)

The Night Before Xmas (Revised)

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house,
not a creature was stirring as I plugged in the mouse;

The cables were strung to the printer with care
in hopes that some printing soon would be there;

The keyboard was nestled in front of the bed
while visions of great manuscripts danced through my head;

And Mamma in her `kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had dreams of a computer that would fit in our lap,

When out of the surge protector there arose such a flame,
I sprang from my chair to see what was to blame.

Away to the outlet I flew like a flash,
Pulled out the plug and beat out the ash.

A trip to the store for a new power bar
Through huge snow banks in our 4-wheel drive car.

When what to my wondering eyes did I see,
But a bubble jet printer and a new game for me,

With a high speed print driver so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment that it would do the trick.

More rapid than eagles the pages would fly,
And my name on the page where the title said "by.."

Now dashing! Now prancing! Now, running with glee!
I made it home `fore my spouse sent the dogs after me!

To the top of the desk went the brand new track ball,
the new CD-Rom, the fax/modem and all!

As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
the pages from the new printer would mount to the sky.,

So up to the desk top the new programs they flew,
With the spreadsheets, wordprocessors and spell checkers, too.

And then in a moment I heard the sound
of heads rubbing metal as the hard disk spun `round.

As I did a quick reset (Ctrl-Alt-Delete),
I had visions of data dribbling out on my feet..

The noise, I determined, did not mean disaster,
It only meant "Use caution, backup the disk faster";

A bundle of joy I setup that Christmas eve
for our sleeping cherubs it is sure to please.

A computer, how merry, how thoughtful and nice!
The kids will thank Santa and Mommie, twice!

With hot sticky hands they'll gum up the works,
while playing mindless games written by jerks;

They'll spend endless hours trying to find
the answer to riddles that will mess up their minds;

Once in a while they will give me a turn,
but only on occasions when the have else to learn.

They'll waste all their childhood "surfing the net".
And I'll laugh as I watch them get their feet wet;

A wink of my eye and a nod of my head.
Soon me and Ma will be all cozy in bed.

My kids will have a computer to help them learn.
And I'll start sharing and give them a turn,

I may not like sharing but sharing I'll do.
I'll even give lessons and maybe take a few, too,

Its not quite yet morning and the kids are out of sight.
My last chance on the keyboard.....

"HapPy ChristmaS tO all, aNd t0 aLL a GooD Night."

As published in the Peninsula Press 12/96