Used Again

Don't comment about the strange and erratic meter in this one. Its suppose to be that way. Want to know why? Because thats how I am feeling. Cheated, used, confused, alone, lost.. Dirty

Here I am again
In a place I know too well
Once again I curse myself
As I sit in my private hell

I listened to his pretty words
I believed the lines he said,
"I just don't want commitment now,
who knows what lies ahead?
In the next year I may be moving very far away
I do not want to leave you
With a broken heart and pain."

So we enjoyed the time togheter
I tried to pull him close.
He whispered things like
"You are more than a friend."
When we were all alone.

I should have known not to believe
The words he whispered in bed with me
But willingly I closed my eyes
And prayed it was the truth.
The road I walk is long and hard
And I am tired of walking alone.

"Its been along time since we last talked,"
He just said to me today.
I apologized I have been busy with school
and with my family.
"But thats okay he answered
I doubt my girl friend would approve."

I did not know just what to say
The pain was overwhelming.
The shock numbed some but not enough
and could not stop my tears from falling.

I smile though I want to cry
I can not let him see
How much pain and suffering
His thoughtless words caused me.

I should have known and yet I did
I just chose to ignore
Clinging to a fading hope
That this guy could be more.

Now here I am my tale is told
And once again I am alone
Crying in my endless night
Cursing him who stole my light.

I lost my hope
I lost my heart
I lost my self respect
I lost my sense of worth
And soon with any luck
I will lose my life.

Here I am again
In a place I know too well
Once again I curse myself
As I sit in my private hell.