plea

plea.

Am I alone in this world?
If not why do I suffer the pain I do?
I feel like I am paying for something I did wrong.
But If I were wouldn’t the pain be over now?
It’s not a physical pain,
It can’t be explained,
But its there,
The dull ache.
Sometimes I think about giving up.
Can’t tell my friends,
They have their own.
I wonder, is some of theirs mine?
Do I pick it up and load it on?
I wonder do they see me as an attention seeker?
Is my pain true?
They say doubt is only skin deep,
Then why is mine to the bone?
But my friends hurt,
So I must be strong.
All this hurt is so thick,
I wonder, do I need a knife to get through?
I’m glad my friends are there for me.
But I wont bother them with my problems.
I’ll hide them under a laugh and a smile.
No one will know.
They’ll go away eventually,
Besides they have their own.
So I while away my time,
Pretending to be something I’m not,
Helping where I’m needed.
It becomes easier after a while,
I’ve had a lot of practice.
All they see is a shy young girl,
Not knowing what’s underneath.
Unimportant because she is snubbed by the popular.
They have no idea how I feel,
What I cover,
Why I am the way I am
The reason I feel there is no need for them.
I feel so disconnected from the world,
So left out of life.
Don’t they feel the same?
Wont tell my friends
They have their own.
Love is wicked.
It takes your heart and fills it with warmth,
Then smashes it in to a thousand pieces on a cold floor.
But then if so isn’t love frail?
Dead as soon as you stop feeding the fire of pain?
Insecure so it breaks your heart,
Makes you hurt,
Makes you love,
The one you’ll never get.
Shan’t bother my friends
They have their own.
I’ll hold it inside,
And when they hurt I’ll take that too.
Make them laugh,
Make them smile.
I carry on as if nothings wrong.
I feel as if I’m falling,
But don’t bother them.
I can cope; I’m strong!
They like sharp objects,
The colour red appeals.
I can’t be being a very good friend,
I shall take more of their pain,
(Push mine aside)
Make them laugh again
Sacrifice an hour for five minutes.
Do I know what its like?
They cant know why I am the way I am.
Even I don’t.
I can’t remember.
I’ve blocked it,
But it’s starting to come back.
I feel useless.
My helps not working,
The pain’s still there,
They still play with glass.
I just want to be with my best friend,
Some one who I don’t need to hide from,
Some one who knows nothing yet knows no lies,
Some one who is happy not knowing,
Some one to trust.
Why can't my parents see that?
Won’t say any thing to my friends,
They have their own.
I wonder what would happen if my knife slipped.
Would it cut out the bone deep pain?
Maybe these tears will stop,
Maybe the pain will go.
I hate my friends for the way I care.
But to be without them,
That would be worse.
I can’t be to blame,
But why does my whole being tell me I am?
Why do I feel guiltier when it’s not my fault?
The pain presses on everything I do.
Maybe HE could help.
But I’m not going to ask.
Had guy problems before.
Don’t want to go through that again.
Anyway he wouldn’t feel the same.
He’d laugh, he not in my league.
The nice ones never are.
That’s love for you,
Wicked and frail.
Here we go again,
Brambles do the same.
I feel as though I’m annoying,
That no one likes me really.
I just don’t understand.
I cant take all this.
But my friends have their own.
I want to run away from this all.
But they need my help.
The pressures to great,
Too many lies and so much pain.
This is my plea; I’ve tried one before,
It ended up in the bin,
Five words in.
Help!
I’m drowning out here.


Who am I?
do u count?
am i needed?
Really?