Sleep

Deep in the night when all is still
save the noise of silence,
sleep eludes me.
As I await the peace of dreamless sleep,
my mind recoils on yesteryear
and chasms in my mind open wider
Revealing all the long forgotten aches.
Somewhere in the darkness
a light begins to glow
and show forth warmth, which
At this time I no longer feel exists.
The veils of my thoughts are rent apart
Revealing all that I had so carefully hidden.

Even awake the nightmares come,
Not about past vengences and hatreds
But about those things
That could so easily happen.

Why do,I torture myself ?
Why can I not just close my eyes
And drift into unconciousness
To awake on the morrow, refreshed ?

I concentrate my thoughts
On the higher being that has created me.
I feel no rest.
Has He forgotten me in my hour of need ?

Pains flash through my body
In response to my distorted mind.
Frustrations,
Anger with myself
Increase with every wakening breath.
Familiar objects surround but do not comfort
They are of no importance.

I am seeking……………….What ?
I do not yet know
I need…………………………..What ?
I do not yet know
I want…………………..……..What ?
I do not yet know

My whole being is tired
The night is long
And time creeps on
Oh ! how slowly.

When dawn eventually opens
The eyes of the world
I am grateful
I am no longer the odd one out.

Even before the sun begins
Its long journey across the sky
The animals and birds sense
The beginning of a new day.
I join with their chorus
To give thanks.

The daylight hours will be filled with doings,
What will happen when night draws in ?
Will I sleep this night,
Or will darkness go hand in hand with despondency
Reflecting my inability to accept God's gift
Of physical refreshment in sleep ?