Hopes For A Better Life

I live my life to help others in need,
life is about loving, caring - not fighting, bitterness and greed

Day by day I try to make people happy and bring to their faces a smile,
those I help are unaware that my own life is filled with loneliness, denial

If only they knew how I felt; someway, somehow...

I compliment them about their personality, their smile and sometimes their hair,
but all my efforts go unnoticed, they don't even seem to care.

I have a secret life, one which I do not wish to share
with deep and disturbing emotions I do not dare to bare.

I have gone through depressing times when my self esteem was low,
If I had gone through with what I was thinking, would I go

...to Heaven or that dark and evil place down below?

But I overcame my darkest moments and I came out with a new lease on life,
was I going to miss the opportunity of having children and a loving wife?

One great relationship has been and gone - now I feel alone,
How can I go on living? I continue to whine and moan,

There is no one that loves me. I have given up trying,
feeling of happiness and love have been replaced by thoughts of loneliness and dying.

I have given up on life, there is no use for me here
But dying without knowing what true love is; that's my greatest fear

If I died tomorrow, would anyone even cry?
What's the difference of living this life or the alternative choice to die?

I feel lost, confused and depressed; even slight thoughts of suicide,
but these thoughts cannot escape; there's nowhere to run and hide

Why can't people love me? What's wrong with me?
I can give what any woman wants, although I have little success or money.

But looks should not be important, for I have a kind and sensitive heart,
Why judge on looks? When women look for guys, I don't even get a start.

That is why I am lonely, upset and somewhat sad,
when I find what true love is, I will be feeling much more than "just glad"

For I need companionship; someone to hug and be there with me,

Why doesn't anyone care?

All I want in life is to feel loved and happy.