Country Lovin': Chapter Nineteen

She had called Jessie's house, but she had gotten the answering machine. She closed her eyes as she heard the sound of his voice on the machine. It made the thought of leaving so much more unbearable.

"Jessie, hi. This is me, Valene. I just...I just wanted to say hello, and good bye. My flight leaves in four hours, so I have to get going. I just...I couldn't leave without saying good bye. I hope the rest of your life is happy, if I can't see you again. Good bye Jessie."

She hung up the phone, her eyes filled with tears. She wiped them quickly and then wiped them onto her jean shorts. She was not going to cry over a man. No, she was not going to do it. But, she couldn't help it. Jessie didn't deserve this.

Valene was all alone in the house which a week ago had been filled with the cheery voice of her Aunt Kitty. No one was here to see her off, to tell her that they loved her. Her suitcases were waiting at the bottom of the stairs. She wasn't sure if she could even sell the place. Yes, no one lived in it, but it was theirs, it was Aunt Kitty's.

Taking one last look around the house, she made her way outside, into the hot summer heat. The sun bore down upon her. She carried her suitcases to the trunk of her car, and shoved them each into it, then slammed the trunk lid down.

She locked the door to the house, after checking and making sure everything was locked and tightly secured. Then she made her way over to the car and slid into the driver's side seat.

Never before had she found it so hard to leave a place. Valene knew she was going to miss Jessie more than anything. She had fallen hard for him, but she knew that she wasn't good enough for him. He was this hearty, thoughtful, kind man who did things for people. She was a cold, selfish, mean-hearted bitch who did nothing for no one. She was insecure and she knew that does wonders for relationships. She didn't want to put Jessie through it. She knew this was the best.

She closed her eyes and leaned her forehead against the steering wheel. Opening her eyes finally, she started up the car, and pulled out of the driveway. She needed to go, and go quickly. Anymore time she spent here, the harder and harder it would be to leave.

As Valene drove towards the city, towards the airport, she thought of being held by Jessie and how completely at home she felt. She felt as if time had stopped, and nothing else existed by him and her. A smile slowly spread to her face, without her actually knowing it was happening.

She kept thinking of him. How he smiled, how he laughed, how he made her feel, how his voice sounded like silk to her ears. She shook the thoughts away once she noticed mentally she was thinking of him. Tears formed in her eyes and her hands slowly began to shake.

o o o o o

Jessie pulled into the driveway. He hopped out of the car, and prayed that Valene hadn't already left. He didn't see her rental car in the drive way, but still, he hoped. He wanted to stop her. He had gotten her message and was hoping that he'd somehow stop her from leaving.

His heart sank and broke when he grabbed the doorknob and it didn't turn. It was locked. He felt his heart break as a sharp stab of pain spread from his chest. As soon as the hurt came, it left and was replaced with anger. He wanted to punch something. And punch that something really hard.

He was angry at Valene and he was angry at himself. Angry at her for leaving when he loved her so much and knew that she loved him, and angry at himself because he let her go. She slipped through his fingers and he didn't stop her.

He turned away from the house and he wanted to do something to vent his anger. So, he kicked the side of his truck over and over until he was overcome with a sudden urge to just cry. He controlled his emotions. He tried very hard not to let anyone, even himself, show how he was feeling. He leaned against the bed of the truck and pressed his forehead to the truck. He wanted her back. He couldn't let her go. She made him feel different, and the way he felt about her wouldn't go away. It could never go away. It was something different. Something he had never once ever felt before.

Jessie jumped into his truck and turned the ignition. He put it in reverse and sped out of the drive way. He had to get to Valene. He had to get her back. Somehow, he had to get her back.

o o o o o

Valene closed her eyes as she heard the seat belt button click off. She removed her seat belt and turned and looked out the window. Her heart felt as if it had been torn from her chest and was being crushed by a press.

She needed to stop this, she pointed out to herself. It was mandatory that she did so. Jessie was back behind her. Soon he'd be half a country away, and she needed to move on. She knew that it was unwise to fall in love with him before she had, and she had gone and done it anyway, even when she knew it would never last. He was a Texan, and she was a New Yorker. It was plain as that. Her life was in New York and his was in Texas.

She reached for her small handbag and pulled out a book she had planned on reading over her vacation, and never had. She looked at the cover. It was a myster novel that had caught her attention while she had been browsing through a bookstore, and had bought it. Now, it suddenly didn't seem to appealing. She shoved it back into her handbag.

The harder she seemed to try to put Jessie out of her mind, the stronger it seemed to become that it was evident he wasn't going to just disappear. He had meant something to her and she was running away from it. She had never felt this feeling before. No one had loved her the way Jessie did, and she had always desired this, but now, she was running away from it. Running away from what she has desired most in her life.

It depressed her that she had to. She didn't know why she was going back to New York City. There was nothing for her there. She could always change jobs, she would definitely love it more out on the farm with Jessie then she would in a cramped apartment building in the city.

She knew that she would be much happier back with Jessie. Why she was pushing forward, towards New York City, she didn't know. Could it be she was afraid that this dream relationship she had with him wouldn't last, so to prevent pain, she was going to cause herself pain by running away? It didn't make sense, she knew, but yet she was afraid.

As she felt herself dosing off, she pictured Jessie in her mind, remembered how it felt from his kisses, how her heart raced, how it felt like sharp touches of electricity shot through her body underneath his touches, his caresses. She fell asleep with a smile on her face.

o o o o o

She kicked the door open after she unlocked it, luggage in hand. It smelled different, it felt different, it even looked different to her, then from when she was last inside it.

She walked over to her couch and tossed the luggage down beside it. She tossed the keys onto the coffee table and plopped herself down on the couch and sank her face into her hands. She suddenly didn't feel at home. She felt outside. She felt like she had just broken into someone else's house.

Valene groaned and kicked off her shoes. This wasn't fair. She thought she was doing the right thing...and now she wished she hadn't even left and was still in the arms of Jessie, where she knew she belonged. How could she go back? Why would he want her now?

She got up and walked into the kitchen and started brewing a pot of coffee. She decided it was a better time now to just take a shower and wash away the memories. It seemed only best.

The shower hadn't helped her any. If it had changed anything, it made the memories, the images, more intense. She was driving herself nuts. This hadn't helped her any. It only seemed to make things worse. All she wanted to do was do what was best for everyone else, Jess included. But what about what is best for you? What about what makes you happy? She ignored the voice in her head. It wasn't helping her decision on this either.

She walked over to the window which over looked the boulevard below and pressed her forehead against the glass. This was so not even fair. She had done nothing wrong, and yet here she was more miserable then she had ever remember being. Of course, she had never once in her life felt compelled to just wanting to jump out the window either.

It didn't take her long to know she had made a mistake. The thing was, she was too afraid to go back. She was afraid he wouldn't love her, that he would just shut the door in her face. It wasn't like she didn't deserve it. She had given up on the both of them because she was afraid of what she had felt. Afraid she'd get entangled in an impossible web and then when he'd cut the strings, it would be impossible for her to get free. She didn't want to fall in love only to find out that it would never become what she wanted it to.

She groaned, this was not what she wanted in life. If her father knew about this, he'd be turning in his grave. Her mother too. Then her eyes teared as she thought of her mother. She sank down onto her couch and clasped her two hands together. Her mother would probably be strangling herself in her grave. Valene knew she had to be a major disappointment. She couldn't do anything right. She kept on messing things up, making things worse when she thought things were going right. What was wrong with her?

"Country Lovin': Chapter Twenty"