Veggies On Parade

POTATO: (fixes his eye-patch) Citizens of the refrigerator, we have gathered today to discuss our strategy of escape. So, any suggestions?

CARROT: I suggest we go out through the door.

POTATO: Yes that sounds like the quickest route.

CARROT: We have to do it quickly; my skin's starting to get flaky.

POTATO: Yeah I think it's something with the lighting. Refrigerators never have quality lighting.

TURNIP: I heard the woman is going to steam the Brussels sprouts tomorrow.

POTATO: Aw, not the sprouts, those guys are cute. Just look at 'em. All look up to the sack of Brussels-sprouts on the top shelf.

POTATO: Well, you can't really see them right now, but I'm sure that if we could see them they'd be really cute. Just look at the picture. Now how can you cook a face like that?

TURNIP: Cucumber, you spend the most time with the woman, can she possibly cook those little guys? Cucumber is huddled in the far back corner, clinging to the wall of the refrigerator and shivering uncontrollably.

CUCUMBER: You'd be surprised at some of the things she can do.....

POTATO: All right, well let's get to the bottom of things-

CUCUMBER: (hostile) What's that supposed to mean?

POTATO: Nothing…..I just meant-

CUCUMBER: Look, we talked it out and decided that we didn't want to ruin our friendship.

TURNIP: Is it true she has a birthmark on her stomach that looks like Joe Pesci?

POTATO: Guys, can we please get back to the topic at hand?

CARROT: All right, here's the plan. Turnip, you watch the beets and make sure they don't wander off. Cucumber, we'll have to use you for bait.

CUCUMBER: Bait for what?

CARROT: We'll have to figure that out later, we don't have time to work out the details. Where's Squash? SQUASH: Right here, sir.

CARROT: Where the hell have you been?

SQUASH: .........

CARROT: (gasps) You've been following Apple around, haven't you!

SQUASH: She never actually filed the restraining order, she just threatened to...

CARROT: God dammit, Squash! You've already gotten in enough heat with the fruit group, you don't need to dig yourself any deeper!

SQUASH: All right, I'm gonna settle this once and for all, I wasn't making any kind of sexual reference when I said "hey, Cherry, what's up?". How was I supposed to know she had heard that before?

CARROT: All right, Squash, you just sit down and don't offend an entire nation of food products.

MANGO: Hi guys, how are you doing today?

CARROT: (to potato) Oh man, this guy's such a fruit…

POTATO: Mango, hi, we were just…..

SQUASH: Discussing our escape plan.

CARROT: God dammit, Squash!

MANGO: Really?

POTATO: No, we were just- I can't do this…

CARROT: It's all right, Potato. You held out for a good thirty seconds. And in this carrot's opinion, that was a damn good thirty seconds.

MANGO: Why didn't you invite the fruit? We want to get out too.

POTATO: Well, yeah…..but we don't really want you guys to get out. You see my reasoning on this, buddy?

MANGO: Yeah, I guess you DO have a point there…..

POTATO: Good, I'm glad you see it my way. Now make like Banana and split.

BANANA: Oh ahaaa, ahaaa, funny! Why do you people say that and then act like they're the first ones to say it?! Look at me, do I look split to you? Suddenly Banana splits in half and falls over. Pause. Pause. Pause.

BANANA: Oh I bet this makes things sooo much more convenient for you, doesn't it, Potato!

CARROT: Men! Please! We must remain on topic! Now, Cabbage, you have experience with refrigerator escapes, right?

CABBAGE: (really grungy) Yes, sir.

POTATO: Then what are you doing in a refrigerator? Pause. Pause. Pause.

CABBAGE: Well, in my experiences, we never planned out what to do once we got out. And since we had no where else to go, we went back inside.

CARROT: All right…….so, how did you get out?

CABBAGE: We opened the door. It makes exiting a lot easier.

CARROT: (groans) How did you open the door, Cabbage?

CABBAGE: We pushed. You can't pull from the inside. There's no handle.

CARROT: Yeah, we all came to that conclusion when we were looking for a handle and couldn't find one.

POTATO: Okay. So…….we'll just- push.

CARROT: I'm down with that.

POTATO: All right, everyone against the door. All the vegetables file along the broad of the refrigerator door.

POTATO: Okay…….now…….push.

The vegetables begin pushing against the refrigerator door until it eventually swings open. The vegetables manage to hop out to freedom, which would seem to be somewhat of a drudgery considering they have no legs. Hooting and cheering, the vegetables begin to leglessly hop away…….until the woman walks in and puts them back in the refrigerator.