SONIC FABLES

SONIC FABLES: AN EXHAUSTIVE INVESTIGATION INTO CUSTOMER CENSUS FLUCTUATION

INTRODUCTION

In the normal course of operation at the site of a Sonic Drive-In fast food facility, the customer census fluctuates in uneven, erratic and random sequences. This phenomenon is reflected to the staff of the store by monitors that display orders. The screen will not hold more that five recorded orders, but the switchboard operator can take a great many more than the monitor will show.
This means that there may be orders waiting off the screen. When there are orders, the employees go into rapid and efficient action. Their goal is to produce high quality food in minimum time without cursing or causing injury to each other.

Reliable prediction of high customer census would help the staff and employees to meet their stated goals. This study offers five theories to explain, if not actually predict, this strange occurence.

DISCUSSION

The Flying Flock Theory is a duck model. Ducks migrate in flocks with a strong leader. All the ducks follow the leader. When the leader spots a lake with food and cover for rest, it dives down, and all the other ducks follow. Here they can enjoy a shake or a burger on the patio to restore themselves for the rest of the flight. (The migratory aspect of the Flying Flock Theory will be addressed below.)

The Trotting Flock Theory is a turkey model. Turkeys scratch aimlessly on the ground, gobble-gobble, and trot all day while Sonic customers go to work, gossip and run errands. When one responds to food depravation and begins a search for sustenance, all the other turkeys follow.

The Grazing Herd Theory is a bovine model. Cattle follow migration patterns. The domestic breeds move from one area to another in a pasture or other enclosure drinking from available sources, chewing their cuds, and nursing their young. Sonic customers drink cherry limeades, munch cheese tots, and collect Wacky Pack toys for their children. Wild cattle, as well as birds and some other species, participate in the movement from place to place much as domestic cattle do. In Africa this annual migration involves millions of animals and covers thousands of miles. It begins when animals move decisively in response to internal promptings, perhaps related to the time of day or season of the year. This model may forecast the great American Sonic Migration, following the Sonic Trail coast to coast and border to border.

Ninth Wave Theory is an Earth rhythm model. Ocean waves lap the shore with increasing stength until the power peaks on the ninth wave. This theory is descriptive of a period when there is one order on the screen, then nothing, then two, then nothing, then three, and so on until it crests and covers the screen and wraps around. The the screen is blank again until the pattern repeats itself ending in a crushing Tsunami.

The Drum Major Theory is a parade model. This theory proposes that a smartly dressed drum major lives at the traffic light during Sonic's hours of operation. He bears a commanding presence and carries a bull horn. Sonic customers are directed to the right hand lane while large trucks and military convoys are waved on. He also carries a walkie-talkie to communicate with his assistant who organizes traffic from the opposite direction.

CONCLUSION

The benefit of this study is to give employees a name that is descriptive of customer inflow since it is impossible to control it or even predict it accurately.

The crew stocks all stations and prepares for business at the beginning of the shift. If the rush is sudden and continuous, the employees may all together shout, "Hurry up! Get the Flying Flock out of here."

If the customers stare at the ground and gobble a lot, the cry may be, "Get the Trotting Flock out of here."

If carhops note slow and deliberate chewing accompanied by a bovinity of expression, they may return to the fountain and report, "The cows are coming to the barn." If, on the other hand, they note an unusual urgency and frantic quality in the mood and temper of the customers, they may simply shout, "Migration!"

The kitchen crew is sensitive to the rhythms of the Ninth Wave. They cook buns, meat and fries in ever increasing volume, each time supposing they are ready for the next wave. Finally, the screen is blank and they restock frantically to be ready when the next series starts. The crew leader may then inform the rest of the staff, "Surf's up!"

The preceding theories assume random selection and lack of malice. However, the Drum Major Theory is unique. He may have spies or surveillance equipment installed in the facility.
He is aware of every employee who is late or absent. He waits until some disaster strikes when the staff is unable to respond in their normal, efficient manner to direct long, impatient lines of hungry customers to the lot. He hopes to overwhelm the facility's capacity. The manager may be seen at the window with binoculars trying to catch a glimpse of the resplendent Drum Major. If successful, the cry goes up, "Forward Sonic!"

It is assumed that this study is applicable to other enterprises. The initial data which prompted the investigation supports inclusion of most fast food establishments, however that must be proven by repeated studies. We have received reports that grocery stores and department stores also are similarly affected. The most uunsuspected application that has been reported is in relation to garage and yard sales. This deserves further research.