The Cat

The Cat

         A long time ago when the world was younger and I was younger too, I found myself out on a highway in the middle of nowhere, my last ride for the day having driven off into the sunset.
I'd come a long way, and still had a long way to go. Hitch-hiking alone up the Alaska highway seemed like a good idea at the time, but it was slow going with long waits in between rides. Often folks picked me up going from town to town, so I tended to be looking for the next ride at least somewhere close to civilization. However, this was not the case now. My transportation had darted off down a rare side-road, and left me behind where that lonely little road crossed the main highway. I stood looking north, where I was bound...then I turned and looked south, where I had come from. There wasn't a soul on that road but me. Although the forest on either side of the highway was full of sounds, it was strangely quiet.

         The late-afternoon sun was slanting through the trees from the west, beginning to cast long shadows. The air smelled dusty and green, and clean...so clean. In Northern British Columbia two hundred miles from the Yukon the air tends to smell that way. There isn't much of anything around to pollute it. What was it uncle Bob used to tell me? Up here you could drink from most any stream you found...the water was safe. No...that wasn't it. Then his words came back to me. "Don't ever get stuck on the Alaska Highway after dark." That was it. Well...I'd laughed at him.......then.


         I looked at my wristwatch. It was coming on supper time, and that far north I had maybe two hours of daylight left, late summer as it was. For the first time, I felt a subtle little shiver run down my back, as I thought about sundown and how lonely that highway felt. I decided to just walk along the side of the road, rather than stand and wait. I hitched my backpack into a more comfortable position, and winced as I felt the scars of old mosquito bites on top of aging sunburn. The pack-strap chafed my skin. I wondered where I'd end up that night, and listened to the noisy silence of the forest on both sides of me, as I trudged up the shoulder of the highway.

         Of course I sang, and talked to myself. Back into my consciousness crept a sneaky little suspicion that I was more alone than felt healthy...but I shrugged it off, and kept walking. It may have been my imagination, but it seemed that the forest was growing closer to the road, and the shoulder was getting narrower all the time. I peered into the forest. The undergrowth was thick, already shaded with a gathering gloom that suggested in there was an eternal twilight. I felt no desire to explore it, or know of the goings-on within the trees and tangled foliage. It seemed impenetrable, gloomy, forbidding....and dangerous.

          As time went by I found myself pondering the nature of various beasts that might be found in a forest so far away from civilization. Of course I thought of bears. Walking along, I created mental lists of all the critters that inhabit northern woods, and no small number of them would have been an entertaining sight. Nothing was on view, however. The world seemed curiously void of animal life. Birds, there were plenty. Crows cawed incessantly. There were magpies, Canada Jays, lots of chickadees, and once or twice I spotted either an eagle or a hawk, way up high where I couldn't make out any markings, but the way they soared told me that they were a large bird of prey.

         Then came a sound seemingly out of nowhere, and a long way off. I realized how quiet were my surroundings, that I could hear it from that distance, so far away. It was an engine. It seemed to take forever,almost reluctant to come any closer. At first I couldn't tell from what direction, and then I could. It was coming from up ahead of me, heading south, worse luck...back toward where I had come from. Finally, I caught the glint of a sparkle up ahead, and the engine noise burst upon me almost at the same time. It was an eighteen-wheeler, and it was doing good speed. The big truck was by me in a flash, and as it passed me, I realized that the glint I had noticed were headlights. Then it dawned on me how much darker it was, how long the shadows had grown. A blast of air accompanied the roar of the big engine, and I shivered...not only because of the chill air. Instantly it felt a whole lot later than it had a minute ago. I trudged on, listening to the sound of the engine fade. It sounded like it was being swallowed into an eternal emptiness, darkness, alone......eaten alive....

         Now as I walked, every two or three minutes I turned and walked backward a few steps, looking south, looking for a sight or a sound, a sign of something human, a car, a truck, anything that rolled....to take me out of there. I finally stopped and unpacked my map. I wanted to know exactly where I was. Peering intently in the deepening twilight I realized how much darker it now was. I could hardly make it out. Between all the crinkles and the folds, I could just barely determine that I was miles from nowhere. The nearest town north of me was perhaps forty miles. The nearest town south of me was further than that. I knew that this far north roadside gas stations were few and far between. Perhaps there'd be some kind of lodge? Perhaps a motel? Or if I were lucky, maybe the house of someone who craved wilderness and solitude, but wouldn't mind extending a bit of hospitality to a young and foolish traveler.

         I couldn't get the thought out of my mind, as I folded my map and put it away. What if no-one comes? What if there are no rides? I wasn't carrying a tent, and had very little camping gear. Well, I could always build a fire, erect a lean-to...use some of that boy scout stuff that I hadn't forgotten. Still...I wasn't in the mood for that kind of adventure. I felt a hunger in the pit of my stomach for the welcome relief of human company. It just felt too lonesome on that highway. It was strange, because all my short life I'd always welcomed the sweet solitude of wilderness. But it had never felt like this before. This was different, a crushing presence that did not bring with it a sense of peace and serenity. As the minutes slipped by something oppressive and heavy with an inherent sense of danger, began to steal into my consciousness. Slowly it grew, although I tried to keep it at bay, and concentrate on positive thoughts. I was just being silly after all. I was just an urban kid, full of Indian tales and folklore. I was a big boy now. I could handle it. Whistle up a tune, and think about supper. Think about Alaska way up the highway, ahead of me.

         How long had it been since that truck went by? Forty minutes? An hour? Why was no-one on the road? Was it a conspiracy? Where was everyone? Where were the tourists? Where were all those happy campers come to discover the great northland, the beauty of the wilderness, the unspoiled and untouched endless stretches of forest that renews and cleanses our urban sensibilities? (Well...that was why I was here!) Wishing for a little less sweet solitude and a little more human blight upon the landscape. I just wanted a ride. Where were they all? Already stopped for the night. No-one wanted to drive that highway in the dark. Even within the shelter of a vehicle, the immensity of the country howled at you through the windshield, pressed in from all sides....as if there were some kind of malevolent presence out there, intent on feeding itself upon your fear. That silly but all too human fear....

         Then came a sound...a sweet sound...oh such a lovely holy wonderful beautiful and gorgeous sound...the sound of an engine. I listened carefully, and then I knew it was going my way. It blossomed like a rose, arriving like the wings of an angel, and I turned in hopeful expectation facing south. I rearranged my posture, looking like the wholesome young adventurer I knew I was, and prepared to stick out my thumb. I thought to myself....they'll stop. Of course they'll stop. They'll know it's getting late, and no-one else is on the road. They'll just naturally respond to my sorry plight, and take pity on me. They'll pick me up and wing me away from this place, and drop me off in the next town, at least. Of course they will.

         Then I saw the headlights. I could spot them easily now...it was much darker. What was it? A truck? A car?...........It was a Winnebago. I snapped to attention. I threw out my thumb. I rearranged my face into a wholesome and healthy grin. I looked just like Paul Bunyon. The winnie swooped down upon me, thundering like a mighty beast. I smiled bravely....as it roared by. They didn't stop.
They didn't even slow down. It was like I wasn't even there. I was a ghost. I felt invisible.
My stomach clenched as I listened to that Winnebago lumber on up the highway. I watched the tail-lights disappear into the gloom, and when they were gone for good, the engine noise quickly followed, swallowed up by the land. It was then that I noticed how much more quiet the forest was. The air was still. Evening was descending. Beyond the shoulder of the road, the darkness within the trees was beoming solid and forbidding. I shivered. I wondered aloud to myselft if sasquatches really existed. I laughed out loud at myself, but my laugh sounded a little too hollow and empty in my ears.

         What to do? Keep on going. Hope for the best. Stop and build a fire? I couldn't walk to the next town. My back pack felt like it weighed a thousand pounds. I was tired...hungry....sore....
and just a little bit scared. Of what? I tried to laugh it off. But I couldn't. Then I thought about that, as I trudged on. I pondered it. What was the big deal? I'm out in the middle of nowhere, and there's no traffic, and I can't get a ride. I'll just keep walking. That's all.

         But that wasn't all. What was it? That feeling that kept nagging at me, that little wink of a notion in the back of my mind....slowly growing into something....something that felt like it needed to be held at bay, kept under control.


         In a flash it came to me. The great howling lonely solitude....the emptiness....the gathering twilight.....the fadiing of the daylight....the darkness of the descending night.
It all felt lonesome. It was supposed to feel lonely. But the problem was..........I wasn't alone.

         Instantly all my senses were alive, and working in a fever. I stopped. I held my breath and looked all around me. I peered into the pitch darkness of the woods on both sides of the road. I looked up the road, and then turned and looked down the highway. Nothing. The hair stood up on the back of my neck, and suddenly it was hard to breathe. I shivered violently and broke into a sweat at the same time. My stomach heaved.


I was being watched.


{It seemed like an eternity went by before I breathed again. I sucked the cold evening air into my lungs and tried to calm myself down. My legs felt like rubber, powerless to move. I had to move. Mechanically I started to walk, as my mind raced. Was it my imagination? Was it some trick of the woods? I felt my throat close up as I realized it was no trick. Those signals don't play tricks....I knew that. Someone was watching me. Blood pounded in my ears and my heart thumped like a drum in my chest. My eyes dimmed...and the twighlight seemed instantly darker. It felt as though I could actually see the darkness grow by the second.

         Still trying to convince myself I was just being foolish, I thought........I need a weapon. A stick. A staff. There's one. I picked it up. No good....too light, too brittle. Another....too short, too heavy. And then.....one just right....my height....the thickness of an axe handle....good to grip.....good weight.....
Who could be out here on this road at this time of the......night. Now it felt like night. I could still see....but wasn't that a star overhead? Was it really now that dark? What's the time? I checked my watch. Christ! This dark so early? Who's watching me? Who..........?

         Then it hit me like a freight train. It wasn't who..........It wasn't a "who" at all. No. It was..........."what". I knew in my bones I was right. Needle points ran up my spine, as I dragged the cold air into me, choking on it.
This something that was watching me......from........where?.......was looking at me with a cold calculating detachment, and had been looking for some time. I knew that too.
Suddenly my mind became calm and settled. My thoughts crystallized into clear and precise shapes.....cool and transparent as mountain spring water. I thought.....I'm not just being watched. No.


I'm being stalked.


I'm being stalked by something that thinks I'm a pretty tasty bit of dinner. I'm being scrutinzed by something with evil intent, and yet, no more evil than the way I'd look at a piece of steak. I'm being weighed and measured and analyzed.......every single thing that I'm doing.............


         Then I realized that I was moving fast. I was not running. I knew without knowing that I should not run. I was just walking very very quickly. As I realized this, I began to move even faster....absolutely as fast as I could move without running. Where was it? My eyes stabbed the darkness within the trees, on both sides of the road. I couldn't see a thing. Up and down the road.........nothing. Was it on my right? On my left? How far away? How close? Where?
And then........a bone-chilling thought....what was it? How big?
I gripped my staff, my weapon. I did not at all feel reasured by it. Like a mantra I repeated to myself.......a ride, a ride.....my kingdom for a ride. The nightfall gathered around me like the silence of a tomb. I was alone with this thing.
Completely. Utterly.


         And then.............there it was. In front of me. Perhaps fifty yards ahead. Half a football field. Long and lean and remarkably low to the ground. That snakelike twitching tail. Perfectly in profile it was. It had moved out from the trees into the middle of the road, stopped, and slowly turned its head towards me, silently and smoothly, every inch of it emanating a sense of power, prowess......the perfect hunter.......the perfect man-hunter.


A mountain lion.


         My brain went dizzy. Oh God.....a bloody mountain lion. A cougar. A puma. All of its names whizzed around inside me. Death by any other name. Claws and fangs. A perfect killing machine.


         I stood still. Should I back up? And go where? Should I yell? Wave my stick? Scream and act ferocious? Build a fire? Yes! But how? Would it charge? My mind raced. My knees turned to jelly. Stand up! Don't fall! Oh my God! It's just standing there, twitching that awful tail. Staring at me. What am I going to do? What if it........


         Then it walked off into the woods.....on the left side of the road. It moved slowly and methodically, as if it had all the time in the world. Gracefully even. It slid into the gloom like a whale into water, like a hand into a glove.....and was gone. I watched the side of the road where it had disappeared like a hawk.....like a mouse watching a.......cat.
Now what? Should I stand still? Should I go back? Hell......I can't turn my back on it. It's coming toward me. I know it is. It's moving through the trees, hidden. I can't see it but it can see me. How close now? Slowly I inched closer to the right shoulder of the road. Instantly I had a thought. Does it have a mate? Do they hunt in pairs? Oh God.......


         Blindly, hardly knowing what I was doing, in a dead numb fever of crazy fear, I discovered that I was building a fire. Like waking from a dream....it bloomed upon my consciousness that it was already built. On the shoulder of the road I had gathered sticks, and hurriedly thrown them into a pile, and on that pile was emptied the contents of a tin of lighter fluid....ignited by my lighter. The blaze suddenly leaped up, and startled me into a wakefulness and watchfulness unlike any I had ever known. The light from the fire cast mad dancing shadows against the forest backdrop. A blood-red light from the flames leaped and chased against a darkness that looked almost complete. In a frenzy I gathered more wood....all that I could find within a short reach. I threw it on the fire and as the flames shot skyward I watched the other side of the road, never taking my eyes off it. My eyes swept up and down, from the place the big cat disappeared, down as far as the firelight would illuminate the southern stretch of the highway. Time stood still. I stood still, panting, sweating, shaking.......waiting.


         Then from out of the woods below me it came, in exactly the same manner....slowly, methodically....moving with ease and assurance. The same distance away....or was it a little bit closer? When it turned its head, the eyes flashed in the firelight, demonically. I thought...oh no, it's going to.........and then it did. It moved into the forest on my side of the road. It was circling me. Instantly I backed into the middle of the highway, but still close to the fire, watching the woods, gripping my staff tightly. Using the staff like a rake, I began to feverishly drag the burning embers out into the middle of the highway, never taking my eyes off the shadows within the trees.....looking.......for the tell-tale burning embers of its eyes. I blinked. My eyes stung, from the smoke......from tears....
I held that staff like a baseball bat, like a baseball player itching to hit a home run, like the pitch was already on its way, like there were two strikes and that third one was coming across the heart of the plate........

         Out of the corner of my eye I caught a quick deft movement. There. Up above on the road. A shadow. Like the time it first appeared....moving out into the road. Only this time closer. How close? Forty yards now? Maybe thirty-five? Thirty?
I glanced down at the fire. I needed more wood. I reached down, never taking my eyes off the cat, and picked up a burning stick. Using the stick as a torch, I waved it above my head and then held it out so I could see. I gathered wood like a madman....anything that I could find within easy reach, anything that looked like it would burn. The cat remained motionless, except for its tail. It stood there watching me gather my wood and toss it on the fire. Sparks spiralled up. Twigs snapped and crackled. It was a cheerful sound, but cheerless now. Then the cat walked into the forest again as it had done before, and I began to pile more wood onto the fire, until I had a roaring inferno blazing, a giant bonfire that cast its light up and down the highway, and even penetrated a few trees deep into the forest itself. I stood on the far side of the fire away from the cat's side of the road, watching, waiting, and absently picking up more sticks close by and throwing them on the fire, building it up. I wanted it huge....as if to light up the world. I felt like I could happily burn the entire forest down. Darkness was my deadly enemy......if I couldn't see this thing, how could I defend against it? The fire would keep it at bay...wouldn't it? Of course it would. All animals were afraid of fire....weren't they? I stood watching the firelight play on shadows within the trees, casting a blood red pall. Shadows danced like demons, devils. The heat from the fire scorched me. I didn't care. I couldn't feel it.
What was that! Were those its eyes?




         The cat tricked me. I was expecting it to do as it had done before. But it didn't. The pattern was broken. Instead of circling around to the south side of me.....it came back out onto the road above me. It came out closer still, and this time it did not walk out sideways, in profile.



It came out facing me, walking directly towards me. I saw its eyes reflecting the flames, yellow, like the flames....malevolent, evil, deadly. I could see it clearly now. I could see the colour of it, the shape of it. I watched its big paws gripping the ground. The long tail swinging slowly from side to side. I saw its muscles tense, as if to spring. I screamed like a madman, and threw a smouldering stick at it, burning my hand, but hardly feeling it.
It was then that I heard its voice. It screamed back at me. A sound strangely human, but unearthly. A sound like all the primal hunger of life, crying to be fed, demanding to be fed. It would not be denied.

That sound... haunted my soul and banished all thought and reason. Dry ice was born in my heart. The fist of fear pounded my breath deep into the roots of hell. My terror sweat quivered in its nostrils, delicately twitching. The beauty of death glowed deep within its eyes. A flash of white...fangs gleaming in the firelight.

I threw another stick, and then another, and another. None found their mark, or came anywhere close to it. I threw wildly, yelling, howling, crying. Why won't it run? Why isn't it scared? Why isn't the blasted thing afraid of fire?

         I stood on the far side of my inferno, watching it watching me. Was it coming closer still? I couldn't tell. My mind went blank. My body felt numb. I was exhausted. A great gathering dark despair roared down upon me out of the night, as I stood and faced the cat. I was sure it was inching up, slowly, gathering itself for a spring. I gripped my staff in anticipation.
A sudden calm wafted through my consciousness, preparing me for this final showdown.

         Then I heard it. So softly at first. So far, far away. Was it my imagination? My ears playing tricks on me? No! There it was! The sound of an engine. Oh.....the lord love ya......hurry the hell up......for gawdsakes! Was that?......yes! The cat heard it too. It shifted slightly back towards the edge of the road. The sound grew and grew and grew. How I loved that sound. Such a wonderful sound. Of course they'll stop. How can they not stop?.....whoever they are. This bloody great fire I've got strewn all over the road...they'll see it. They'll wonder. They'll see it in plenty of time to react, to slow down......But watch the cat. Don't turn around. Don't turn your back on it.

         There they were. Those beautiful headlights...flashing behind me. I never took my eyes off the cat. For one brief moment the high beams glared upon it and then I saw it revealed as bright as daylight. The tawny yellow-brown coat. It was big. It was huge. Like the shadow of my death. And then it was gone. In one single bound it was within the trees, moving like a nightmare, and away. Only then I turned to look. A blessed eighteen-wheeler was bearing down on me, gearing down, and blasting its air-horn at my fire. When the big truck stopped no more than three feet away from me, my legs finally gave out and I crumpled to the ground. The last think I remembered was that it was a lucky thing I hadn't taken my back-pack off. It broke my fall.