The Importance of Self Care

I learned the importance of self care and not allowing self care to become selfish

I am taking a week off of work, I have 7 full days off starting Saturday. I took that week because our church is celebrating its 45th Anniversary with a conference. The guest preacher chose a very interesting topic to preach a series on, he chose Peace of Mind.
This peaks my interest. Both my husband and I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, I was diagnosed more recently than him, mine is trauma and caregiver related, I also have clinical depression and ADHD.
I learned that King David, a man after Gods own Heart, suffered from PTSD. The book of Psalms is amazing, its basically the Bible just for dealing with PTSD. Davids writings are raw, the only filter is the translators but even so, you can feel his pain, his confusion, sleepless nights. During COVID I learned the importance of "self care"

I was raised in a conservative Christian home. I was raised to help others, to sacrifice myself to help others, to give, give, give and expect nothing in return. Work for others, love others, help, serve, build up another person. I was raised to be what my parents were taught a Christian was. I don't blame anyone but my parents were taught wrong. I'm sure the preacher who taught them was taught wrong and so the cycle goes. I was raised to be a people pleaser and I was, every sense of the word, a people pleaser. I bent over backwards for people who would later turn their backs on me, reject me in the harshest way possible.

"Self-care" is not "Selfish" When you are flying somewhere and the cabin loses pressure those little cup-like oxygen masks come down from a compartment above your head. Your are instructed preflight to put your mask on before helping someone else put theirs on. This way you already have oxygen, you can not help someone else if you are not breathing. That is what self-care is, it's putting on your oxygen mask so you can help others put theirs on. I am sure there are times when self-care is selfish one can swing far left or far right, too much and you are never there for those who depend on you so you become undependable and too little so you burn out and hurt yourself just so someone notices you. Everyone has their own cup of self-care, the cups look different. You may require only a shower, warm bed, nice, new, keyboard every now and then and some 80s music, cup of tea for writing a blog once or twice a month. Maybe you just need mom to call you and remind you that she is proud of you. You may desire to visit the salon every few weeks to get your hair touched up. Some people like to fish, some like to take a weekend camping trip, maybe get a hotel for the weekend for the quiet, girls trip once a year, some save up for these wonderfully elaborate vacations. Although it looks different, self care is important. If all we did was serve others while no one served us, we'd get burned out and become useless.

Self care for me looks like my daily Bible devotions, making my bed, taking the camper out for a weekend, Audible with a puzzle or Diamond Dots, video game with my son, my hair done once a year (wish I could afford that one more) and a Sunday at church. Sometimes I love taking the car out for a drive and blasting the radio or playing Beat Saber and throwing my arms around as hard as I can without hurting myself. I look like a complete goofball to my husband with my arms flailing everywhere but I rock at Beat Saber. We had an All Staff meeting the other day and I became so overwhelmed with all of the State mandated information that I came home, put on my head set and turned Spotify all the up on 90s punk radio, had All American Rejects blasting in my ear. Within about 45 minuets I could think again and turned the radio off.

This is honestly how I handle the PTSD and ADHD. The ADHD makes my thoughts race like Secretariat on a track in circles and the PTSD makes me paranoid like the race will never end, I will be running forever. Music and movement together gives me the sensory input I need, literally dancing it out. If I am overwhelmed, listening to music as loud as my thoughts and as chaotic is a total zen affect. I avoid music with curse words. I have to be carful about language in music because my mind races so much I will swear in my head or get stuck on a suggestive thought.

Does my choice of music affect my love of the Lord, does listening to that music mean I cant love or serve the Lord like I should? As a conservative Baptist I used to think that yes, if I listen to "bad music" I will nullify anything I am trying to do for God. I don't recommend my treatment plan for everyone. Like I said, we are all different, what works for me might not work for you. My older kids (19 and 15) do something similar for their ADHD racing minds but they use instrumental game music, sound tracks from video games. Its like club music, no lyrics and they also do Beat Saber for the ADHD movements. After trying this treatment method for a few months I can honestly say that NO, the music doesn't affect how I think about the Lord and I am still faithful in my daily devotions and at least livestreaming church if I can't physically be there. I am not a fan of the music, I am a fan of the chaos and I use it as a tool. I don't have an addictive personality, I still prefer spiritual music over any other and primarily listen to Godly music.

I refuse to take mental health medications. I take meds for migraines because I get them chronically, blood pressure because my BP caused a stroke last year and Ibuprofen for the aches and pains of getting older. It's none of my business if you, dear reader, take a medication for your mental health, thats between you and your Doctor. I am not giving medical advice. I am just relating what works for me.

I had today off of work and todays self care looked like my Bible and Max McLean on Spotify reading Ezekiel while I followed along then a 4hr cleaning spree on our SUV followed by lots of laundry and picking the kids up from school for a lite supper and Dr.Who (Matt Smith of course. We stick to Eccleston, Tennant, Smith and Capaldi with some Tom Baker thrown in here and there) before the kids go to bed and blogging now. Tomorrow I have to work so it will be devotions, journaling, laundry, lunch, Tribunal Justice on Prime and work then when I get home at 10pm the latest episode of Apothecary Diaries would have dropped on Crunchyroll and my husband and I will watch that together after sending the kiddos to bed, its Friday night so they will stay up to wait for me to get home. I self care as much as possible. Life is hard, working out in the world is hard. Yes, I have responsibilities, appointments, its grad season here in a couple weeks so I have a lot happening next month and my alone times about to go away with summer break but self care is important ,we need to take time out every day to remind ourselves that we matter, what we do matters, who we are matters, we are not robots, not put on this earth just to make others happy. Its nice when we can but not worth risking our own health over.

Last thing. I am listening to a book on Audible right now that I highly recommend. Its called The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk. Its about the effects of trauma on the physical body. Very very informational read. I am on Chapter 5.

Tonight this is what I know and thank you for allowing me to share.