Proofreading in Hell

Miles rubbed his eyes. It was getting late, and the glare from the computer screen was getting to him, but the proofreading needed to be done tonight. Fortunately, this was the last article. Unfortunately, it was by Alek Robinson, one of the worst offenders when it came to word choice. Miles had no idea how this idiot had ever become a professional writer, but it was clear he had slept through most of his grade school English classes. He sighed and got back to it.

“The Panthers have given a contract extension to Morris, so it’s clear they couldn’t bare the thought of losing.,.”

“Bare the thought? Seriously? The only thing bare is your brain.”

“When asked, the coach eluded to the fact…”

“Eluded? What fact was he trying to avoid?”

“They are trying to find a comprise between the two alternatives…”

“Could you use a dictionary every now and then? Or would that COMPROMISE your principals?”

“They need to get there players to their facility…”

“Really? A fifty-fifty chance to get it right, and you still managed to use the wrong words.”

“The bear facts are…”

“Augh! I can’t bear it!” Miles started to giggle, then stopped himself. He was getting punchy. Best to just gut it out and push on through.

“The lesions of loyal Panther fans…”

“Wow, they must have some serious STDs.”

“The effect on the season…”

“It’s affect…no, wait, you actually got that one right. Amazing.”

“…will lead to contusion on what should be done.”

“And we’re back to confusion on which word to use.”

Miles finally came to the end of the article. He saved his work and sent it off to the editor. He got up and stretched his back.

“I need to get some sleep,” he thought, as he headed for the door. “All this is really starting to affect my brain.”

He stopped, shook his head, then kept going.