Pizza Plight

Words: 874

23 and Me does genetic testing

"See?" Jill said. "All it takes is a sample of your saliva."

"So I have to literally spit on them," Emily retorted. "No, thank you."

"Listen, Emily," Jill's tone was betraying impatience, "you'll know once and for all. Better to find out, isn't it?"

"Maybe I don't want to find out."

Jill sighed. Then, she shrugged, picked up her handbag, gave Emily a quick peck on the cheek to show there were no hard feelings, and left the room.

Emily picked the pamphlet up from the table where Jill had left it. 23 and Me does genetic testing she mouthed, as she read. All it took was a sample of her saliva ...

Emily frowned. She chewed on her lower lip. Then, she picked up the pamphlet, grabbed her handbag and marched out the door herself, slamming it behind her.

#########

"I'm so proud of you."

"Thanks, Jill," Emily replied. "I'm rather proud of me, too."

"So now, you know."

"But what am I going to do now? Why did this have to happen just when my life was toddling along nicely?"

"Maybe because you have to do more than toddle along. It's your destiny."

"It's my DNA. Humans have 23 pairs of chromosomes in our genetic makeup and this is what my chromosomes hold."

"My goodness, Emily, do you realise what this means?" Jill said suddenly. "I mean, we can throw parties at the palace!"

"Whoa! Hold on. I don't think the queen would like the pair of us inviting our friends to trash her palace."

"We wouldn't trash it. We'd behave ourselves with a great deal of nobility. We're your friends after all, princess. Or should I say Your Highness?"

"Listen, it can't be true. I mean, this might be the one percent of the time this test is wrong."

"No, the one percent of the time it was wrong is already done, that's why they say 99% accurate. You're in that 99%"

The land-line shrilled out suddenly.

"Who can that be? Tele-marketing? At this hour? Hello? Who is this speaking, please? Who? From where? For real? Yes, she's here. Emily's here. Emily - take ..."

"Hello?"

"Miss Emily Sylvia Gladstone?"

"How did you know my middle name? I've never revealed it anywhere. No tele-marketer would know it."

"Ah, but the palace has access to more resources than any tele-marketer, Your Highness. We were informed of the results of your genetic test and we have verified it with the available records. It all adds up. The palace is sure. Sure enough to invite you to tea tomorrow."

"Emily!" Jill exclaimed. She took the receiver from her friend's limp hand and clamped it to her ear.

"Hello, Your Highness?" the voice at the other end was saying.

"Listen, this is her friend Jill. I think Emily's going to faint. Sorry, but I have to hang up to hold her."

Jill steadied Emily, who didn't faint after all. She sat there, looking straight ahead, sweat pouring down her face. Jill watched her for a few minutes and then said, "I'll get you some water or maybe coffee, be right back."

She went to the pantry and was about to take up a cup to fill from the dispenser when there came a loud rap at the door. Jill gave a start, then took a deep breath, filled the cup with hot water, added the coffee powder and sugar, and stirred it in.

The rap-rap at the door grew more insistent as Jill almost ran to Emily and handed her the cup. Then, she went to the door. "Who is it?" she called out, without opening it.

"The Palace Doctor, Your Highness," came the reply. "We tracked you down at this studio. If you are feeling faint, you should have attention."

Jill opened the door a crack and peeped out. A doctor stood there, and two guards, complete with red uniforms and big black headgear. She opened the door a bit wider to let them in, and pointed at Emily.

The doctor went immediately to Emily and knocked the cup out of her hand. "Your Highness, you must not drink coffee at a time like this, it'll increase the acidity in your system."

"But I always drink coffee when I'm stressed," Emily protested.

"Not any more," the doctor said, sternly. "You will now be under the care of a medical team and must only eat what they advise you to. No coffee."

"I hope they advise pizza," Emily said. "I'm going to throw a big pizza party for my friends as soon as I get declared, or whatever it is I get."

"No pizza. It is classified as junk food and, as such, isn't permitted."

"But listen, I'm the princess, you have to follow my orders ..."

"Even the King and Queen follow doctor's orders, Your Highness, with all due respect. I'm the one person who has the highest authority."

Jill spoke up. "Emily, you'll be living in a palace!"

"But I don't want a palace, I want pizza!"

"It's the price you pay for being royal, Your Highness," one of the guards said, with a bow.

"I told you I should've never had that test done! Now I can't have coffee or pizza!"