death bed

                   whats the point of living with fear of not making it to the end if you don't want to



when you lie in your death bed, no matter what you accomplish you will always have the fear of not doing it, that it is what you were living for yet you could never do it but everything, the fear of never accomplishing that one thing you always chased, in your bed, taking your last breaths, all you can think of is "what if I did it". That lie of accomplishing everything before you die haunts you forever, even in your death bed. The fear, the pain, the void in your chest, it will never fill. Never.
Was it all a lie? Or was it the truth? Or was it you convincing yourself its going to be worth it at the end even though you knew it never was what you wanted, or was it your stupid attempt to fill the void with the wrong pieces, the wrong piece did make the void bigger, yet you were a fool to believe it is what you want, no surprises, you recall every chance you got to do that one thing when you lay in your death bed, the thought of it haunts more than it happening haunts you,
In your death bed, a million secrets you will take to your grave, unknown, yet known to the void in your chest, but no one will know. You will slowly drift off to the end, begging for another chance to fix and do what you always wanted to but you pass away, never finishing your deed, you die with the thought of the life you could have had but you never did anything about it.
And slowly, before even realizing and finishing your last thought, you drift towards the oblivion, forever, for good.
-Barlowe, Rylee