Just Desserts. Puddings. Sweets.

Dear, beloved, darling, adored, precious, cherished Editor,

Please find enclosed a manuscript (document, parchment) containing my debut, first, launch, premier novel. I have worked, toiled, laboured, slogged very very hard to conceive and write this unique, distinctive, unequalled tome and I hope you'll give me a hefty advance for it. The advance needs to be large, enormous, gigantic because that is the size of the mansion I need to find peace to pen the sequel. This chateau will give me the much-needed space I require and need and desire.

As for what the novel is about, and who the target audience is, I guess it's self-evident, obvious, apparent, manifest and conspicuous once you read it that it is for, indeed, everyone in the world. That is, it'll find a universal audience. It is an all-embracing theme that'll be a hit globally. You'll find people queuing up internationally. It'll hit the headlines worldwide.

The manuscript is enclosed. I haven't put a stamp on the envelope as I know you'll be only to glad to pay the recipient-due at your end. It's a small price to pay for a masterpiece, a magnum opus, a jewel.

Very truly, sincerely, profoundly and wholeheartedly yours,
Writer Magnifiquo

Having typed this covering letter, Writer Magnifiquo sat back and sighed. It had been difficult, holding the thesaurus open and typing at the same time, but he had managed it. The feat (achievement, accomplishment, triumph) had left him exhausted, though.

Never mind, he consoled himself. The payment for the manuscript would be in the bank by next week at most, and then he could look at villas. He was particularly interested in villas with enclosed patios for the writing desk he was soon going to purchase, buy, acquire.

Eagerly, he checked his bank details. Had the advance been credited? Had it? Had it?

A week went by. Two. Two-and-a-half.

Writer Magnifiquo was wondering whether to type out a reminder when it happened.

His bank balance went up.

The manuscript had been accepted! The advance had arrived!

There was a letter in the mail, too.

With some modifications, the publishers were pleased to represent him, would he please sign the enclosed contract and agree to appear at all promotional events? Writer Magnifiquo had always known this was coming, but he was pleased nonetheless. He signed and dispatched the contract without reading it, and went to shop for new outfits in order to look spruce at the promotional events.

He showed up at the first promotional event an hour early.

"Ah, it's good you're early, Mr. Magnifiquo," the publisher's representative said, smoothly. "It'll give you time to get into costume."

"I'm in costume," he replied.

"No, no, the costume according to your contract. Here, Kiran, take Mr. Magnifiquo to the changing room and give him his costume. Tell the make-up guys to rally round."

He was a jester. a clown, a buffoon. It said so in his contract in no uncertain terms. Either he played the part of forfeited the money and paid up a penalty.

The event was for students of creative writing. It was a how-to event by a famous writer.

And an infamous writer.

The infamous, notorious writer was Writer Magnifiquo. He wasn't the how-to. He was the living example of how-NOT-to.

The event was a great hit.

Famous and Infamous made a superb duo, and soon they were booked round the clock. Writer Magnifiquo bought his mansion, but he didn't spend much time in it, he was so busy touring with the event.

But he was glad. Contented. Joyful. merry, delighted and untroubled. He lived happily ever after.

PROMPT ▼

Tomorrow, January 18, is a day near and dear to many writers' hearts: Thesaurus Day! Open in new Window. Write a story or poem about a writer who overuses a thesaurus.