Reaching Out

Rose stumbled out of the closing rift. Her ears felt like they were stuffed with cotton, the screams of the palace ringing in her mind. Her mind replayed it over and over again. Her father’s cruel words. The look of betrayal upon Renny’s face. Her aunt’s loving and comforting words before she’s choking over her blood, begging for Rose to flee, her once bright and warm eyes now filled with fear. Moon and her crazed smile. Echo and his look of careful indifference, not stopping her as she flees through the rift.
Rose walked.
One foot in front of another.
She dimly heard Cammy worriedly calling out to her.
Her legs were made of lead, shaky and heavy.
Her mind wandered with each step.
Stupid.
“You’re a parasite.”
She’s back in the human world.
Stupid.
“I could never love you.”
Stonecreek.
Stupid.
“Murderer.”
The park.
Stupid.
“You took the only thing I could ever love.”
The woodchips crunched under her feet as she walked to the swings, taking a seat, her hands tightly gripping the metal chains. A soft body landed on her lap.
Stupid.
“Your mother is dead because of you.”
Tears fell from her eyes.
By the gods, why was she so stupid?
“...Rose?”
She glanced down into her lap, looking down at the dog pixie who looked up at her. She had soft white fur, like a sentient cotton ball, though most cotton balls don’t have shining pearl-like eyes. Cammy, her pixie.
“Rose, are you okay?”
“What do you think?” Her words were sharp as a knife, one hand yanking away from the chains to rub harshly at her face. “Do I look okay to you?”
Cammy’s small ears pressed back, her tiny tail pressing between her legs. “No…sorry.”
Rose sighed, feeling bad. Even now, she was still horrible. Her father was right. “...it’s not like it matters anyways…nothing you can do about it…”
She could feel Cammy’s worried gaze cast upon her but she paid no mind to it. Gods, even thinking about Cammy made her feel guilty. She practically forced the pixie to her side. Revealing her crystal too early all because her father wanted her to. They spent so much of their time fighting when they were first paired. It’s a wonder how Cammy had put up with her and how she even cared about the pitiful twelve-year-old that she was.
Gods.
Twelve years. Wasted. Running and running only to slam face-first into a wall. Ignoring the warnings of all who tried to warn her. Auntie Aryan. Aonami. Orva. Isha. Serenity. Cammy. Kendran. And even that mean jerk Hoshiko.
She was so stupid.
She ignored all the warning signs.
Every.
Single.
One.
“Can I join you?”
Rose was snapped out of her thoughts by a soft voice. Looking over, she was met with a warm smile and gentle blue eyes. Orva. Like a sunflower, her soft golden blonde hair was framed beautifully by the setting sun. She seemed ethereal. An angel of Theauri. Made to bring peace and hope to the pitiful souls that filled the lands of Tranzia.
Rose looked away, focusing on her feet, digging into the dirt under her heel. “I don’t care. Not like I can do much to stop you.”
There was the soft squealing creak of Orva sitting by her. The swings were old and rusted, just like the rest of the dirty park. Normally Rose wouldn’t even dare glance at such a disgusting place but now the old and dingy simplicity of it helped soothe her thoughts. The whole place did. Stonecreek simply seemed like that. It felt insulting. The soft breeze, not-too-hot temperature, and the gently setting sun casting a warm hue over everything. Everything was perfect except for her. It was like a slap in the face for her foul mood. Why can’t it rain like it does in the books? When the main character is down and hates everything about their life, crying in the rain so that no one other than the gods would see how pitiful and depressing they were in the moment.
“It’s not your fault,” Orva spoke up after a long silence, the wind carrying her voice to Rose. “Your father used you.”
“I’m not upset about that!” Rose snapped, glaring over at Orva. “I’m not some pitiful child who needs to be comforted!”
“But you are.” Despite Rose’s sharp words, Orva kept her voice gentle. “You’re only twelve Rose. Your father wasn’t right for using you. You’re right to be mad and hurt.”
“What do you even know about me?!” Rose snapped, jolting from her seat on the swings to yell about her problems at the other girl. “How could you know how I’m feeling?! My pain?! What do you know?! You have everything! A loving family! Friends! A good reputation and relationships! Nobody hates you! You’re Orva!”
Rose heaves, her hands clenched so tight her nails draw blood from her palms. Her heart thuds against her chest, a wild animal raging to be free. Tears ran down her face, like a spilled glass of water, drenching and infecting everything they touched. She was a mess. A pitiful mess. Gods, she really might as well just give up on every-
Suddenly there were arms wrapped tightly around her, soft golden blonde hair tickling her nose. Orva was soft. Orva was warm. Her embrace surrounded Rose like the finest blanket. Softer and gentler than the finest make kaira silk. “You’re right. I can’t fully understand you. But I know the feeling, I know it so well. Chasing after your parent’s love. Their approval. Just want them to be proud of you. But nothing you do is enough. Even when you throw yourself away to achieve it.” Her voice reminded Rose of the floating seeds of a dandelion, gently swaying and letting themselves be guided by the wind. So soft and gentle, that one bad breeze could send them spiraling. Yet they keep going.
Rose was frozen in her spot. Words failing her. Her hands trembled, hovering around Orva before they shakily wrapped themselves around her, seeking her warmth. They threaded into her silky hair, clinging while Rose pressed her face against Orva’s shoulder. The comforting scent of strawberries filled her nose as she stood there.
Then she sobbed.
Her voice was loud as she wailed.
She was hurt.
Gods it hurts.
Why?
Why her?
She screamed.
It's not fair!
It's not fair!
Why can't she be happy?!
Why can't he love her?!
She did everything!
She would’ve done anything!
So why?!
Why her?!
Did the gods like seeing her suffer?!
Was she the joke of this miserable story?!
While everyone else spent their time laughing and singing she was stuck here dancing for the gods’ cruel entertainment! She hates it!
It's not fair!
It’s not fair…!
It’s not fair…
It’s not…fair…
Orva gently guides Rose away from the swings and to the shade of a nearby tree, her arms still gently around one of her shoulders. Rose’s sobs were slowing down and getting quieter and quieter, her mind clearing some after the burst of emotions. She slumped down against the tree, pulling her knees up to her chest as she sniffled softly. When Cammy floated over to gently nudge her face, Rose couldn’t help but pull the small dog pixie into her hold, cuddling her close.
Rose couldn’t care less about her image anymore. After all, Orva literally just saw her sobbing her eyes out and now Rose did not doubt that her face was probably blotchy and red, wet from her tears. So she cuddled Cammy like she was a baby with her favorite plush. Her fur was soft and gentle against Rose’s burning face, the cool grass brushing against her ankles and the wind causing her to shiver.
She jolts when she feels something wrap around her shoulders, the smell of spicy cinnamon filling her nose. Looking over, she finds a golden yellow and orange cloak draped over her shoulders like a blanket. It shimmered in the setting sun and felt like butter between her fingers though the glint of the clasp in the sun caught her eye.
The symbol of Solravi.
This was a mage’s cloak.
Not just any mage’s cloak.
A high mage’s.
She jolts as she whips around to see someone she wasn’t expecting.
Sunstone. Emperor of Heliosia. Dethroned and forced to flee by Midnight. Her father.
She cringed, expecting hatred, rage, fury, disdain. His golden eyes sharpened, slitting with draconic rage. Just like another golden gaze that she hated thinking about.
But it didn’t come.
Hesitantly peering up, she found soft eyes, gently glimmering with worry. Nowhere in those eyes did she find what she was so used to. Nothing. Instead, his eyes reflected the sun, shining with…care.
“...Emperor…Sunstone…?” She winced at the sound of her voice, she sounded like a pitiful sick child.
His eyes somehow soften more. “Just Sunstone. Are you alright Rose?”
That only confused her more. What was going on? She looked between Orva and Sunstone. She doesn’t get it. Why were they here? Why would they be here? They have no reason to. No reason to bother with her. They have far more reasons not to! Wait…
“...How…How did you guys find me…?”
They pause like they hadn’t expected that question. They look at each other before Sunstone takes a breath as he speaks up.
“Orva was worried,” He first says, clearly trying to think how to say best what he has in mind. “So she came and asked me for help. We weren’t sure if you’d pop back up here after returning to Midnight, so we simply looked around before Benny felt the disturbance of a Rift.”
When his name is said, Rose takes notice of the bear pixie in Orva’s hair for the first time since she arrived. She meets his red gaze as he waves to her, and she awkwardly waves back. She looks back to Orva.
“You were worried about me?”
She nods, “Aonami is too.”
Rose isn’t sure how to describe the feeling that builds in her chest. Anger? Jealousy? Greed? It didn’t feel bad like she was used to. No. It felt like it was swelling. It felt like it was warm. It reminded her of how she felt when her aunt used to fuss over her. She felt…worth it.
“...why?”
They seem confused.
“Why do you care about me?” Rose stared down at the sharp blades of grass poking her. “I used you. Betrayed you all.” She thought back to Hoshiko’s- no, Pyrite’s hateful glare as she ran through the portal with Renny like she knew this would happen all along. She tried not to think of the look on Aonami’s face. Even now, Aonami still cares? “Why don’t you hate me?”
They’re both quiet for a long while before Orva speaks. “...I…I won’t lie…I was hurt. I don’t think any of us weren’t. But…deep down…I knew this would happen.”
That stung. A lot. Rose glares at the ground. “Great to know that even in the beginning I was untrustworthy.”
Orva jolts, looking at her with wide eyes, panic in her voice. “That’s-! That’s not what I meant!”
“Then what did you mean Orva?” Rose shoved down the guilt filling her as she snapped at the girl. She really was only proving her father’s points.
She feels a hand on her shoulder. Looking up, she was met by Sunstone’s wise gaze. “Take a moment and breathe. Allow her to speak.”
Despite herself, she nods. Her chest heaves as she takes deep breaths, her lungs straining with each one. While she does so, Orva continues.
“What…What I mean was, I knew you would, because I knew where you were coming from. I knew that, similar to me, you’d need to get burned before you realize what’s wrong.”
Rose is quiet for a long while as she processes Orva’s words.
After a bit, Sunstone speaks up. “No matter what happens, we’ll need to get Renny back. Whatever Midnight has planned, it can’t be good.” He turns to Orva. “Can you handle getting back on your own?” Orva seems nervous as she looks between Sunstone and Rose. He seems to sense her unspoken worries. “Don’t worry about Rose. I can handle it.”
Orva pauses a bit before nodding. “Alright.” She turns to Rose and gently hugs her. “Think about what I said, and trust me when I say that while you did the wrong thing, you were led on by a bad person. It’s his fault.” With that Orva let go and stood up, gently brushing off her dress as she waved to them, silently leaving the park.
The two of them were left in somehow both comfortable and uncomfortable silence. She didn’t even know that was possible. She was definitely used to uncomfortable silences, not really comfortable ones, but both? Not at all. She jolts when he sits down next to her, speaking softly. Cammy presses closer into her hands to try and soothe her seemingly.
“Do you know of my mother?” He asks, his gaze cast upon birds fluttering about in the distance.
It was impossible not to. The late Empress of Heliosia would probably go down in Umbratin’s history as probably the biggest enemy of the nation. Though in Heliosia it would probably be something different. Their greatest leader. The half-dragon general. Brought the fiery lands of Kaida under Heliosian rule and with that, the aid of the dragons. Only ever defeated once: when she was assassinated in her sleep. It was the war that she started long before Rose was born that marked the tension and hatred between the lands of Heliosia and Umbratin, soon dragging in Selenursa as well through her partnership with their late Emperor. Empress Yellow Jasper, The White Flame that Burns the Shadow.
“...It’d be hard not to…” She said softly after a long while. She’s never been a fan of the late empress but she didn’t want to say that to her son’s face, especially seeing as it was Rose’s father who ordered her assassination. The assassination that left both Sunstone and his twin sister, Moonstone, orphans.
“What do you think of her?”
Crap.
Rose shrugged, “I don’t know. I wasn’t really alive during her rule.” Or even alive while she was. “I know my father doesn’t like her. She was a powerful warrior I suppose, and an even stronger wielder.”
Sunstone hums as he nods. “She was. I’d even say she was probably the greatest warrior since the Wrath of the Gods. But do you know what she wasn’t?”
Rose looked up in curiosity at him. That question could range to pretty much anything. She knew that the late empress wasn’t known for her kindness. Certainly wasn’t known for her empathy. Let alone the idea of mercy. If anything, she was more so known for the opposite of all of those. Rose shakes her head after a bit.
“She wasn’t a good mother.”
Rose pauses.
Huh?
Sunstone chuckles at the look on her face, causing her to rapidly shake it off. “She was a terrible mother. Not as bad as your father, but hardly any better. Did you know that the nursemaids say that my mother screamed her throat raw trying to silence me as a baby? She nearly suffocated me once trying to get me to stop. Needless to say, I was hardly with her as a baby save for when she was absolutely needed.”
Rose looks up at him in complete horror. “...gods…I…” For once she was at a loss for words, unsure of what to say. “...I…I’m sorry…”
Sunstone chuckles, “Don’t be. You weren’t even alive. There was absolutely nothing you could have done. Nothing I could have done either. She was who she was. She was raised by dragons. Grew up with their ideals. You fly or you fall. If you want to live, then you will do anything to do so, and if you die? Well, then you didn’t deserve to live.”
“Wow…” Rose found herself at a loss for words. “Dragons kinda suck.”
Sunstone pauses before he snorts. “Oh, you can certainly say that. It doesn’t help that my mother was only half dragon. Needless to say, every day was a fight with her instincts for her. She loved me, but she also hated me. I was her weak son. I couldn’t use magic for a long time. I struggled in my classes. I could hardly wield a sword. I was a disappointment in every way to her.” He looks over quietly to her. “...I spent my whole childhood chasing after her love, and never got it.”
Rose pauses as she looks up at him. Sunstone’s eyes were soft, unguarded. His gaze was so full of both nostalgia and pain. His body was open, and relaxed despite the story he had told, despite the pain of his words. He had come to terms with it. For the first time since Kendran left, her mind felt at ease, it felt clear. “Is that why you told me this?”
He nods, “It feels like you’re alone. That there’s no one else like you. No one who knows your pain. No one who has been rejected so horribly. You get swallowed whole in the darkness of your mind. It blocks everything out, leaving you blind to those who care, to those like yourself. But now? You must climb out.”
Darkness. Yes. That was the word. The thing she had grown so accustomed to that she hardly spared it a separate thought. Gods, even her name: Rose Symzalel. She was the descendant of the god of shadow himself. So used to his embrace that the thought of scaling her way to freedom seemed like such a daunting and terrifying task.
Her hold around Cammy tightens as she finds her words, dragging them up from deep within her chest. “...how…?” Her voice is so pathetically small, she hates it. “...if I must climb…how do I climb when there are no footholds…nowhere to grab and hold…when my arms are too small and weak…how…?”
She feels a hand gently rest over her shoulders. Looking back, she finds Sunstone looking at her with an empathic gaze. As if he had said the same thing himself.
“I never said you had to do it alone. But you need to take that first step. You need to reach out.” He stands, holding a hand out to her. “You need to be able to admit that, yes, you need help and you want to get better.”
Hope fills her chest like a balloon, but worry and dread looms like a needle. “...but…but what if no one takes my hand…?”
Sunstone smiles softly at her. “With every step, there’s a risk. With every leap, there’s a risk. With every word that falls from your lips, there’s a risk. There’s always a risk. No matter what. That first step will always be the biggest, the most daunting. And sometimes? We need to take that risk.”
Rose watches him for a long while. Watches his warm and patient smile. The soft tan hand held out to her, fingers stretched wide. The golden eyes that shone as the moon scaled the stars into the cooling air.
With every step, there’s a risk.
Her mother’s portrait was hung in her father’s study.
With every leap, there’s a risk.
Hidden from all eyes.
With every word that falls from your lips, there’s risk.
Particularly hers.
There’s always a risk.
Because they looked the exact same as those in the portrait.
No matter what.
Because she stole her mother’s place in the world.
The first step will always be the biggest, the most daunting.
…no.
And sometimes?
She didn’t.
We need to take that risk.
Rose takes Sunstone’s hand as she stands, letting him help pull her to her feet. His gaze was full of pride. Cammy’s tail thumped rapidly against her chest. Her aunt’s words filled her mind as a smile spread across her face.
“You didn’t steal her place. Your mother loved you more than anything. She’s so proud of you. You don’t need to prove yourself. You deserve to live happily. Make her even prouder by doing just that.”
“See?” His smile was blinding. Once that had irritated her, now she didn’t mind basking in that warmth. “The biggest step has been taken. How do you feel?”
She pauses, considering her emotions.
Then…
“Good.”
Sunstone’s smile somehow got brighter as he hugged her. “Good.”
Rose lets him hug her for a while before she speaks up. “Don’t we have a pixie we need to rescue?” Rose can’t help the smile on her face. “Cause I have a plan.”
Sunstone smiles, “Well then, let’s go. The sooner we get back, the better.” Holding her hand, he guides her out of the park and into the town.
Rose knew she was far from good. Knew she had a lot to do. But here is where she’ll start that climb.