behind

Do you see me?
A question I ask often.
Life is lonely when I live in the shadows, moving with so much care that even the sun shys away.
What of that voice I don’t use? The smile that doesn’t shine? Is it forbidden or am I just a lost child yearning for light?
The touch I don’t feel wraps around me icy cold, burning hot. Too much too little.
I feel everything and never nothing because my nothing is my everything.
I am nothing.
Forever is time and time is always. Slow like a snail fast like a hare.
I approve and am overridden.
I blink and my eyes are shut.
Do you choose not to?
The mirror is one way only just like the road but I walk backwards, see with my eyes closed and my ears covered.
What did I do?
The noise, my noise, is too much and too little. Never enough never just right.
They are my answers and now they are yours, were they ever mine if I don’t exist?
Ghosts are real because I am real.
Ghosts are not real because I am not real.
Flip a coin, choose, option one option two.
I drop the coin, I panic, I leave.
No commitment.
My only commitment is to be uncommitted. To not be.
Am I here?
No one can answer.
Are you here?
Of course you are because I see you. They don’t but I do if you’d only give me the chance.
Why do you look away?
I am not scared and I am not silent.
The wind blows over me and knocks me into the waves.
I drown.