This life

Hi everyone, so I’ll start off by saying this is not how I wanted my life to go. So I moved to Surrey bc from Ottawa, Ontario in 2016 with my mom and stepdad Roger to be closer to my older brother who moved here years early for work. Because I have a disability I lived with my parents. I was happy to leave Ottawa because the people were not that nice there and living in bc has proven to be a beautiful place the people are so welcoming. Everything was going well we were happy and then in 2020
Someone broke into our house kicked down our front door at 3 in the morning and shot my stepdad 5 times, my bedroom was right across the hall from my parents room but they did not enter my room after they shot him the ran off, I ran out of my room to see what hade happened only to see my stepdad on the floor I couldn’t see my mom and began to panic, I ran down the stairs to get my cell phone and heard my mom on her phone calling 911, everyone came that night, the police the fire trucks and ambulances the whole street was littered with people, Roger my stepdad was rushed to the hospital and was in a coma for 2 days luckily he survived. While he was in the hospital my mom who was 73 years old was not doing good she was so sad and depressed because of her husband being shot and within one week she had a hemorrhagic stroke which almost paralyzed her she couldn’t walk for a few weeks until a friend of my brothers helped her to take her first steps again, after that my mom was walking well but still had little movement in her right arm, When Roger came out of the hospital my mom was happy to see him but her health was declining fast it was as if she was letting go, we hade moved out of that house and relocated to another part of bc and remained there my mom became more depressed and her outgoing nature just went downhill she became angry towards my stepdad for things he did to her in the past just couldn’t let go of the pain she carried from her child hood abuse, then on July 29 2024 my mom who was my everything took her last breath I was with her and cared for her through out her illness and that morning was like nothing I had ever went through, my heart had been shattered I remember talking with her she was having difficulty breathing because I think she got a pneumonia in her lungs, and right when I got up to make her a tea she stopped breathing. I phoned 911 and started cpr but nothing by the time paramedics came my mom was already gone. I was grateful that paramedics allowed me to kiss her but all I could do was cry, now I am left crying i feel so broken and feel like I don’t belong. This is what life has come to I wish I could bring my mom back just have one more moment with her but I know I can’t, I also feel so guilty for her death I know I tried everything but maybe I didn’t try hard enough.
As sad as it is this is my life, I can only hope something good can come out of this now.