kids

         I've been spending a lot of time with the girls recently. When I say girls, I mean my nieces. One of them is 12 years old and the other one is 6. And before I start, I'd like to make something clear : I adore them, they're family (literally), and I think it's fair to say that I would die for them (sounds a bit dramatic, I know, but you get the gist).
         But the truth is, they've been driving me nuts. They keep screaming, running, doing 1,000 things a minute. The youngest has such a short attention span, it's scary. She doesn't listen or pay attention, she's always wanting something (sweets, orange juice, bread, chocolate). She wants to go play in the park, she wants to watch T.V., she wants to use the phone. It's neverending.
         So that got me thinking. About kids in general. About my childhood. And I don't recall having fits like these. I remember feeling impatient, misunderstood, sometimes overstimulated, of course. I was a kid. But mostly, I was a shy kid. Introverted, discreet, nice. I wasn't rude, I behaved myself, and, if I did overstep, I apologized and moved on. So that got me thinking again. About my adult life. About who I am now and what I want and what I do not want.
         I'm a 36 year-old gay man and I'm comfortable in my shoes. As you can imagine, when you're my age, people get married and start a family. That's the way it goes. All my friends share the same obsessions : what about marriage, what about kids, what about buying a house. I do share those obsessions, of course. I'm not getting any younger and as you get older, time gets even more precious.
         So I made up my mind. I don't want kids. I thought I did, at one point. With a woman who's willing to live this weird experience with me, with a husband of mine, through adoption... There are several ways. It would have been difficult, but it could have been done. Except I don't want to. I can't stand the noise, the nonsense, the agitation, the chaos that come with children. I like the quiet. I'm here, typing this, and listening to Taylor's Reputation album (the calm instrumental piano versions you find on YouTube). I want to cherish that freedom. I like not knowing what tomorrow will bring.
         So this is me. No kids but a lot of dreams to achieve. Talk to you soon. I've got loads to share with you!