IDK

I sat in the coffee shop gazing out the window beyond pissed off, tapping my foot impatiently. I was supposed to meet up with my friends but they of course would rather die than not be an ass and answer my texts, fuck this shit I groaned as I slowly got up. Suddenly, I felt an odd chill go down my spine, I felt myself burn up with an uncomfortable feeling as I felt someone staring piercingly right at me. In the corner of my eye, I saw someone 5'7 staring at me, with blonde hair, deep forest green eyes, and a laid-back sort of style, fashionable yet comfy. They rolled up the sleeves of their light blue cardigan as if they were about to fight me, and menacingly took a step in my direction. Quickly I grabbed my stuff and tried to speed walk out the door, look my life was mundane, to say the least, but the last thing I need is an ass kicking with it. I stepped outside and managed to walk a good distance away. Finally, I unwinded, and was about to put on my headphones, when I heard footsteps. Thump thump, I ignored it thinking it was nothing, thump thump the footsteps grow closer, paired with erratic breathing, thump thump my heart and the footsteps were loud as ever. As I speed walked faster and faster my breathing got closer I weighed my options. Best case scenario it's Mr. Beast worst case it's some creep tryna be Ted Bundy 2.0. well shit, jeez I may have low expectations but I wasn't gonna die like that, maybe sharks..hmm. I zoned out and before I could snap back to reality someone said "hello" uncomfortably close to me. Well, what if they plan on torturing me.. hm I thought to myself.
AH, WHAT THE FUCK- I whipped myself around to face them, at the time the sun was setting, so it was hard to mark out the details on their face.
On instinct, I grabbed their collar and punched them. They ended up collapsing to the ground.
For fucks sake I walked in circles around them, I get it im hot but aint stalking me a bit much? JESUS no creepy bastard is gonna kill me today, The only person who's allowed to kill me is ME!!
I complained leaning over and pointing at them raising an eyebrow. I ended up going on a non-sensical tangent about firstly how creepy it was, and that if they were going to kill me do it in better and nonsense in general. (Looking back, that might have not been the smartest move for me to make..)
Jesus man if you're that desperate to get laid download a dating app god..this is how you get all the girls tch. WELL, NEWS FLASH BUDDY ONLY THING YOUR GETTING IS A RESTRAINING ORDER!!
I- they mumbled as I was about to walk away. WILL YOU GO ON A DATE WITH ME, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!
HUH?! I choked and walked back to them now facing them eye to eye. Did I hit you so hard that you got brain damage or something?! The hell...
Everything in me was screaming to punch the damn fool again for asking such a stupid question. The poor sad sap looked close to tears, I felt like a monster practically leaving a puppy out in the rain to DIE. I sighed and face-palmed myself.
Maybe I don't know stalker, but we need a get a few things straight. I took a good look at them and only then realized it was the coffee shop person. The creepy bastard in the coffee shop was ya?! well damn, why didn't ya just tell me there ya had a stalking kidnapped girls fetish I certainly would have come home with ya. So.. that leads me to my next point...THE HELL YA STARIN AT ME FOR?!
I-I was waiting for the right moment to ask, they said embarrassed blushing fiddling with their fingers.
I held onto their shoulders and looked them dead in the eye with the most serious expression, dude you don't need hoes you need therapy, god. I began to walk away.
WAIT WAIT IM SORRY!! they said chasing after me almost falling.
Well, you clearly have no friends or something if you're like this around people, and I guess you are cute... I thought to myself, almost feeling pity. I was never one to make the smartest decisions plus I mean I do like the stalker type- oh god im so gonna regret what im gonna say.
2:30 tomorrow, I mumbled.
W-what?? they asked confused. T
HATS THE TIME FOR THE THING, IDIOT!! I covered my face embarrassed of such stupid words, "love" and stupid love dovey crap like that was embarrassing, to say the least, and beyond stupid and dangerous...
you pick the place I mumbled, arms crossed looking away.
They let out a sly grin sounds good with me, sweet cheeks. They said as their face lit up upon hearing my offer, suddenly all their awkwardness and anxiety went straight out the window, and replaced with stupid confidence.
I am going to curb stomp you, I said shoving my fist to their face and threatening them, I ain't scared to kick your ass again you know!!
FINE FINE...hmmm sugar tits? THAT EVEN WORSE!!
fine fine hmm baby cakes? OH GOD, I wept. And so the pair walked on into the sunset, as one kept punching the other and the other kept making it worse for themselves. Ah, love, romance is in the air.


I woke up at 5 am groggily, annoyed stupid nightmares were back, ugh you can only run until your legs are cut off I suppose. I rubbed my eyes and checked my phone, I saw the notification that I added their number. Their profile picture was a photo of them in the coffee shop with you oddly clearly in the background. That's odd...hm, I thought to myself. Fuck it, I texted them asking if were were still on for today. Just as I finished typing n sent that, I tucked myself back into bed. Suddenly I jumped at a loud ass notification noise, somehow they immediately responded, and were apologizing for being 2 seconds late. A part of me hurt, they cared so much about something so small, every goddamn part of me was screaming to cancel to ruin it. But fuck that, I deserve to be happy..but all things can be debated tch. Figuring that was the end of the conversation, I knocked out and back to sleep. I woke back up at 11 am, I rolled out of bed and made a cup of sickly sweet iced coffee. Hastily brush my hair and teeth. I stared at myself in the mirror, my PJs were oddly ripped and hobo-like and covered in paint. My jet black hair was messy, to say the least, and my complexion was brown freckled skin I leaned towards the mirror staring at my eyes. They were black and for some reason, I just stared at them almost searching for a soul or at least shine but all I could find was the same black void. I made brunch from some cheap spam and egg and rice. At this rate it was already 1 pm somehow, I groaned as I dragged myself to my bathroom again, to get "dolled up". At least im getting food for this I mumbled. Finally, it was time for the date. I stepped outside, straightened my hair, filed and painted my nails, eyeliner and mascara, blood red lipstick lip gloss combo, a white dress that went slightly above my knees, and shimmery silver heels. Surprisingly none of my parents seemed to mind or cared to walk me out the damn door, whatever. I took out my phone about to text them my address. When I noticed an unfamiliar black car, seemed expensive that's odd but I didn't think much of it.
HEYYY I heard someone shout and they rolled down the windows of the black car.
I walked closer squinting when I realized it was them. I walked in and they gladly opened the door for me, holding my hand when I stepped in. Their hair was slightly more wavy than before, they were wearing a red tie, a white colored button-up shirt, a black vest, and black pants slightly baggy. They seemed to be holding something behind their back, They let out a nervous smile as they caught me staring over there.
What's that?
oh w-well, it's uhh I just like didn't know what flowers you liked so I got all..so uhm here? I'll leave them in the car for you to take later.
The bouquet was enormous, to say the least. Filed to the brim with bountiful exquisite flowers.
Y-you look nice they said giving me a sheepish smile. Until then I was so distracted by everything, I didn't get to take a good look at them.
Y-you look
my head was spinning and I felt my face heat up, I always had a weak spot for ties and vests and generally what they were wearing.
Y-you look uh-
they were staring at me tentatively hoping for an answer.
Y-you uh look HOT!!
There was a glass between you and the driver, so you were sure he couldn't see much let alone hear but I heard him snicker, causing my face to blush strawberry red. There was an awkward silence in the car, both of us were unsure what to make of my stupid comment. Until they broke the tension.
Oh sorry, I still have yet to ask your name, oh god that's so inappropriate of me.
My name is Ellana London what's yours?
Uh, Tamo Tamoo I leaned over and held their hand and gently kissed it, pleasure meeting you.
In the back of my head, I was laughing, viewing it as some silly joke. But Ellana clearly didn't, their eyes widened and they seemed surprised blushing. Suddenly their demeanor changed to one of intrigue and amusement.
If you're doing all this on the first date, how many dates do I have to take you on to make you kiss something else?
This startled me, but me being the cocky bastard I flirted back. We ended up spending the rest of the ride shamelessly flirting with each other tryna see who could fluster the other more, like some odd competition. Finally, we made it to the place. It was a fancy restaurant, seemed like a red lobster thing except more exclusive. We walked in and the hostess greeted us. In a sharp tone, they demanded a table with good lighting, privacy, and 2 seats. The lady scoffed and walked us there. I nervously, sat in my seat trying but failing miserably to seem casual. They looked AMAZING and I looked like im so broke I rob the fuckin homeless. At this point don't get me wrong they were nice and all, but I was still skeptical. What type of weirdo would possibly ask out a stranger let alone care so much for one? They were rich, and attractive so they could get anyone. Your mind wandered off to why on earth they picked you, AN ASS CLOWN!! We were sat at a private fancy booth, and they sat in front of me holdin' up their head with their hands, seeming oddly amused, you couldn't quite place their finger on it but something about them gave off a sly sinister aura. so uh- so what do ya wanna order?
shit already? Don't I need a say I wanna go back to your place so ya can kill me then feed me, you know ur not very good at this whole stalker biz are ya?
WHA?! NO-
I let out a chuckle at their concerned reaction,
Im just fuckin w ya dude. Shit, I srsly don't know what to order..uh wtf is Chessy biscuts?? Heard about them in a visual novel, and they made it seem good.. hmm to be fair in the context they were giving some girl an eating disorder and doing crack...WELP listen to crackheads because they do the crack while you listen and supply them with it. You can say they make "cracked up" decisions. Eyyy sorry that's a terrible joke I'll go shoot myself in the washroom now-
There was an awkward pause for a second,
your not as cold-hearted as you like to act ain't ya?
fuck you, im a bastard your feeding me so I might as well play along with your stupid joke I said crossing my arms and looking away.
Joke? why on earth would you say that, I love you, you're the prettiest thing I've ever laid my eyes on they held their 2 hands in mine.
On instinct, I pulled away, and for a second my heart skipped a beat. Sorry, I didn't mean to pull away I just- my voice cracked and my gaze softened for a second. Hey but UH WHO CARES HAHA- Where did you get that like from Google I fake laughed, slowly sliding down the booth, hoping to hide myself behind like 3cm of the table. They looked at me disappointed but understanding and something else on their face like id a thing. They seemed pitiful. Certainly wasn't something I was used to. So uh..what was your last relationship like? I-IF YOUVE HAD ONE I MEAN- they said panicking waving their arms around afraid of offending me.
Shitty.. the fuck are you being nice to me, if you want something just goddamn ask.
A-are you okay no, I- of course I don't want anything from you. I just want to get to know you. S-sorry about me.., in case ya need it the exit's that way, also they have a window in the washroom, you're pretty slim ya can fit through. Probably pretty awkward having to walk out on your date I said chuckling.
I don't wanna leave ya, I don't care about all that.
I let out a sweet smile. But quickly covered my face ashamed that they found out their stupid words meant a damn thing to me when I saw them intently staring at my happy face, like they had won the lottery. Finally, the waitress came along with our food.
Hey, that's odd, we dint even fuckin order, huh..is this someone else's order?
OH SHIT sorry I should've told you earlier, this restaurant is kinda weird you have to reserve a spot and pick the food you want in advance.
OH- huh that's odd i like all of these dishes. Didn't we meet just yesterday and I didn't tell you my address, hey uh how tf did you know all this..did I tell you something I forgot orrr-? I don't recall telling you...I raised an eyebrow planning on teasing them about it.
They held their hands and smiled I have my ways dear. The shift in atmosphere startled me, something was fucked with them, but HEY when did I ever make good decisions let alone do them. I tried a bit of the appetizer, surprisingly delicious.
You know you are really sweet for all this, this must cost a fortune, sorry im not really the hungry type, i-i uh im hogging.
You had like one biscuit?! they said.
Y-yeah but it's pricy...
I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK!! they said they sighed. Sorry...I just you haven't eaten all day, right?
Before I could talk back they shoved a whole fucking baguette in my mouth.
No backtalk!! they said annoyed and angry.
I ended up choking on it due to me laughing at how ludicrous the whole situation was.
So what stuff do you like they said giving a cheeky grin.
NO NUH UH YOU NOT BUYING ME ANYTHING!!
WHOMP WHOMP!!
God, you're such a hassle, uh well uh I guess I really like- shit no one has really ever asked about me before..like ever. This is weird..uhhh well I. I ended up talking on and on about my favorite video games, music, shows, etc.
Heh, what is my favorite date plan? I don't really know all of my broke-ass exes never took me anywhere nice, is it bad if I said Niagra Falls, a mall, or their house? God you know to be honest I don't care too much for the setting don't get me wrong it's sweet but I tend to focus more on the person you know? like yeah, a carnival date is rad, but if they suck then that sucks. But like if they let me come over and put candles, and dress nice and it's like just us THATS GREAT I LOVE THAT MORE!!
They raised an eyebrow, jeez okay perv.
IM NOT!! YOU'RE WEIRD I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT!! YOU'RE A FILTHY PERVERT!! I said flailing my arms around desperately trying to prove them wrong.
No no, it's fine I wanna know what happens after, they said with a smug look.
You're joking if you think im afraid to kill you with a half-eaten baguette. The whole afternoon was just chaotic stupid shieanigiens. My perfect date. Before I realized the date was over, time flew by with them around yet stopped when I looked at them. As we walked out I noticed them shivering from the cold.
Oh shit, you seem to be cold here take this, I pulled out a black hoodie from my tote bag, and threw it at them.
They quickly caught it and held it close to their chest, concernedly happy. Ah goddamn, it is washed I was it like just yesterday.
I swear if it reaks of me.
Just as I said that they snapped back to reality and moved it away, NO I mean heh it's uh cool it's fine I uhm- IT'S FINE.
Okay, weirdo. Are you sure you're not secretly broke or something? Even hobos aren't so happy to get a hoodie, you sure seem to love it a lot. I laughed as their face turned bright red embarrassed of getting called out.