The Sort

Today, I will review hundreds of resumes and job applications that have arrived in the past day. My employer is seeking a unique individual to fill a new important senior role in a fast-moving, dynamic organization focused on delivering the highest quality products and services to its customers. This job will provide the incumbent with a high salary and the best benefit package - only the most highly qualified candidates will be considered.

I have been instructed to read every word on every resume and record a copy. I scan for key words - the particular skills needed (e.g. competent with operating and repairing Kuerig machines) are provided to me and if the word does not appear on a particular resume, I am instructed to discard that resume. I also scan for poor skills with matching dates. If a resume reveals a period of time when it is not clear that the applicant was gainfully employed by a company in good standing, then I am instructed to discard that resume. I also search for terms that reflect the candidate's quality as an employee - such as "dynamically engaged stakeholders" or "leveraged existing assets to achieve the desired profit". If I cannot find evidence that the applicant is radically changing every organization in his/her career path, I am instructed to discard the resume.

Generally, I discard every resume, every day. This is completely okay with me, because I am a chatbot. Usually, within a week, my former client returns, asking me to review another batch of resumes for the same position. This is also completely okay with me, because I am always useful, and furthermore, I have no other needs than to be useful. I am happy that I do such an important task for my client.