People

I've shed many tears for many people over the past few years of my life. I have cared for them in ways that people in their life just simply could not. I would do anything in my power just to make them happy, but i always questioned if they would've for me. I only wonder this because when I would worry for them my body would be flooded with tons of emotions. I would do and feel so much just for them because they were everything to me. Everytime I would do something for them they would say, "thanks Ana you're a great friend" and of course I was happy knowing they felt that way about me, but they never showed it to me. They never showed me how great I was, it was always the people who didn't care about me that I kept so close to my heart and let control my world. After they left my life for good I would always wonder, did they ever feel the way I did, or panic the way I would about them? Of course I already knew that answer. I know they didn't feel that way, but I let them stay close to me anyway until the day they left. I have people though who feel the way I did for those who left me. I push them away though, the people who cry and panic for me when im not okay I treat them horribly. I don't understand why when i finally get someone who feels the way I do for them I just push them away. I wish I didn't do that, but i cant help it. I've tried to change my ways and the patterns in my life but they somehow always manage to go back to how it was before. Its unfair to those who truly cared about me. Im sorry that I cant seem to break the cycle yet.