Are You Listening To Me?

The imposing specter of Darth Vader leaned forward and asked, “Luke, do you know who I am?”

Grasping the antenna, Luke responded, “Sure, you’re the one who killed Obi-wan.”

“Obi-Wan was my teacher, not my FATHER,” emphasized Vader. “He was my mentor until…until he tried to steal my girlfriend. But seriously boy, do you know who I am?”

“Of course, you built a death star to take over the galaxy.”

Vader waved his arms in frustration, accidentally slicing a safety rail with his lightsaber. He shouted, “Hey, I didn’t build that flawed monstrosity. That was my boss’s idea.” Pausing a moment to calm himself, Vader continued in a kindlier tone. “But you destroyed it, Luke. I bet your DAD would be really proud of you, his SON. Wouldn’t you like to tell him? Don’t you know who I am now?”

“Did I forget to mention you destroyed an entire planet, Alderon, killing millions of innocent people?”

Vader stomped around in his enormous black boots. “That wasn’t me, either. It was the commander of the death star.” He paused, tilting his head up and raising his hand to his chin. “Still, that explosion was super awesome. The kind of fireworks that a FAMILY would enjoy together.” He leaned his helmet forward in expectation.

“You needn’t ask again,” said Luke. “I know you’re the guy trying to kill me. In case you forgot, you’re the one who just cut my hand off. So why’s it so important that I know who you are anyway?”

“Because I need you to know. Please Luke, search your feelings.”

“Give me your lightsaber and I’ll search more than your emotions. Search my feelings? What are you, my mother?”

Head down and shoulders slumping, Vader sighed, “No, I am your father. And frankly, it’s embarrassing.”