I Don't Pay Taxes

Disturbing phone conversation - all dialogue

“Good morning, Bob Kurt of the IRS, how may I help you?”

“Hello IRS, thanks for speaking on your end. I’ve been listening to a great song while I was waiting for you.”

“Ha ha, glad to hear that. Is there something I may help you with?

“Indeed! I was told that I needed to do my taxes, but I don’t have to pay taxes. So, I want to make sure you make a notation of that in your files. This way, I won’t have to be bothered with notifications on my end here, and I therefore won’t need to bother calling you every year about it.”

“Mr.? What is your name?

“Ian Zool.”

“Mr. Zool, do you work?”

“Yes, I work at Starbucks, creating the beverages that people love to drink. I have many repeat customers.”

“Mr. Zool, every working person in the United States needs to pay taxes. I can transfer you to someone who can assist you in finding help with that if you can’t do it yourself.”

“No, don’t transfer me. I want you to take my name off your list so I get this thing cleared up. I don’t have to pay taxes.”

“Why do you think that you don’t have to pay taxes?”

“Well, I’m an alien!”

“You do have a card to work in this country?”

“Well, they let me work in Starbucks. They would let me work in any country.”

“What country are you from?”

“My planet doesn’t have countries as your Earth does. I don’t see what this has to do with you removing my name from your taxes list.”

“I’m sorry, did you say, your planet doesn’t have countries?”

“Yes, that’s correct.”

“Mr. Zool, perhaps you better come here in person. Please bring any papers you have from work, as well as any IDs you have.”

“Pffff, fine. I’ll be right there.”
“AHHHHHHHHHHH. How did you get here?! I’m still holding the phone! Were you in this office the entire time we were on the phone? “
“No! You JUST told me to come in here in person. I don’t think you’re capable of helping me. I’d like to see your supervisor. Miss? Miss? Why are you suddenly lying down and passed out on the floor? Hah, I should have shown up with a venti latte. “

Word Count: 386
PROMPT/ You explain to the IRS that you don't have to pay taxes.
"The Dialogue 500"