It Was All Her Fault

         It was all her fault.


          "After waking up wedged in the crook of two big limbs without any idea how I got up there, though I recall Joyce daring me to see how far I could get before I passed out. That explains how far I got. I didn't explain where everyone went."
         "Anyway, I noticed I still had the bottle of rum tucked in my backpack, along with a lighter, a hoodie, a banana, and another pair of underwear. It was here I discovered my phone was missing. I searched the bag again and all my pockets and couldn't find it."
         "I began to climb down and got the crap scared right out of me. Is it ok if I said crap? Anyway, I saw this mountain lion laying down at the bottom, like it was just waiting for me. I climbed back up to where I started and kept watching it, making sure it didn't start coming after me."
         "It's here where I noticed my phone was right next to it on the ground. It could stay there for all I cared. I wasn't going to get it; the mountain lion could keep it. I just hoped it wouldn't ring and get it mad or anything."
         "Without my phone, I had no idea of the time. I can remember one time my grandpa saying you can tell the time by using a Sundial. I have heard of Dial Soap, but never a Sundial. Is that an App on your phone? That wouldn't do me any good anyway right then."
         "Jerry. Jerry would know what to do. He was in Boy Scouts and went camping lots of times. He always wanted me to come along. Why would I want to sleep on the ground, eat nuts and berries, and be without my gaming system? All I need to do is wrestle that lion, get my phone, and call him. Stupid lion."
         "This is where I got my idea to scare the lion away. I figured what would scare a lion? Well, a bigger lion or a bear. Those would be bad for me. What about loud noises? Well, I could start shouting, but then he may notice me and try to get me. That's another bad idea. I could drop my bag on his head and scare him away. That might work. I would need to get closer so I wouldn't miss."
         "Then I thought, I might miss, then what. I needed to make sure to scare him away for good."
         "Here's where I got the idea for fire. If I lit my spare boxers on fire, stuck them in the backpack and dropped it by the lion, the fire would scare him away and I could climb down, put out the fire and be home free."
         "There was no way for me to know, Forest Ranger, ma'am, that dry fir needles were that combustible and would spread so quickly."
          "On a positive note. My phone still worked so I called you.


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