A true story, a journal entry from 1/30/2023. Tuesday. |
I eat stolen peaches in the breakroom. They're cold and sweet and soothe my throbbing gums. I've seen them in there, the fridge, every day. Probably months I've been going back, checking the big ugly white thing for those sweet morsels. little orange cubes in a little plastic prison. It was probably three or four separate pieces of fruit in that little cup. Chunks of flesh, soaking, bathing in their own juices. Utterly irresistable. Madisons peaches, "She never would've-" I tell myself, "She never would've eaten them." I justify my crime. "Months they sat, months in that refrigerator. Taunting me." In the moment I had been apathetic, I didn't think at all about how vicious an act it was that I was committing. I suppose, passively, I had figured they weren't very important to her. And I knew there would be no consequence. As far as I, or anyone around was concerned the peaches were as good as my own. Though, no one else was concerned. Otherwise, I'd never have swiped them in the first place. Only after the fact had I stopped to consider just how mean a thing it had been. Whether she wanted the peaches, (and I truly believe she did not, her neglect of the things was just as, perhaps even more criminal than my own offense.) -or not. They belonged to her and not to me. Actually, if I'm being entirely honest, I'm not entirely sure... if they were even entirely hers. But it doesn't matter, the point still stands that they belonged to someone, an individual outside of myself. *sigh* So I sit. And I feel the contour of my skull where the bridge of my nose slopes down into the inner portion of my eye socket with thumb and forefinger, putting pressure on my eyes through the lids of them. I think how peculiar the world behind my eyelids is. The world of red spots, a world of light with nothing to throw itself against, the other side of the curtain. Sometime since I was small, I stopped closing my eyes so much. As I grow I can't afford that luxury. -of sleep sure, but more than that, time spent doing nothing. never in my adult life do I choose to shut the world out, Always I am taking it in. Because, though I am young now, I only have so much time. I think about it all the time. "Parker, love and be loved because someday you'll be dead." I guess that's why I took the peaches. My mouth hurt, they looked good, and nobody will ever miss them. or to restructure that notion; why not? |