Mystery in the Rafters

Mr. Burns was losing his patience.

Responsible for maintaining maximum efficiency in operations at the largest computer chip manufacturing facility on earth, he was determined to find the root cause of this cost overrun.

Mr. Burns is also my boss. Why did he assign this task to me? I have been less productive lately since the death of my sister and I have been taking longer cigarette breaks.

I need to figure this issue out to make our team look good and buy myself some time.

Management wants to know why C-Wing is using more power than expected and how am I supposed to know? I walk through the lonely basement halls past obsolete equipment, spare parts, and dusty file boxes until I reach the electrical control room.

"Okay", I sigh, "start with the basics". I open the panel.

Wait, hello! This feed is new...

I follow the bread crumbs up into the false ceiling...then up into the mechanical space...and wait, what is that sound? I remove an insulation panel to see a man snoring blissfully in a hammock. The errant wire leads to a switchboard which, in turn, powers his computer, television, coffee pot, and microwave. I see he has clothes hanging to dry and various food items stored on make-shift shelves.

I lower down the ladder, quietly, and notify the security detail. Once sure they are en route, I climb up and awaken the parasite.

He snorts alert and I ask, do you live here? Yes! he replies, flashing a broad grin.

By now Mr. Burns has arrived. He looks up at me on the ladder, flanked by half-eaten bags of chips and miscellaneous pairs of boxers and socks hung to dry.

"Thank you, Mr. Hamilton. I knew you were the perfect man for the job."