addiction

Joint

Pull the paper, roll the filter, fill, roll, lick, twist, light, drag. The room fills with a haze. The walls of smoke protect you from the pain that otherwise consumes you. You are safe in the high.

Addiction. You tell yourself that you are different, and that you wont let it consume you. But as it turns out, you are no different. Each time you give up, each time you give in, it takes one step higher on your list of priorities. It slowly poisons your existence. You can try to hide it in the beginning. You believe you can, but as it consumes your mind, it becomes apart of you. Inevitably, the people in your life begin to notice. They tell you they no longer recognize you. They tell you that you are losing yourself. You lose things. You lose people. You lose your life. And yet you can't stop. You hate yourself for it, but you cannot stop. It has slowly become the most important thing in your life. It eats up your morals, your priorities, your goals. You are fighting a losing battle in your own mind, denying these facts, while the proof is quite literally your reality. You convince yourself that it is worth it. That this drug, this behavior, this way of coping, it has become your lifeline. And even while your entire life has come crashing down, it is impossible to take yourself off your own life support. People start to ask you, "Was it worth it?". Was it worth it to lose yourself, to lose everything over this craving? You tell yourself that they could not understand. That your actions are justified. It doesn't matter as much as they make it seem. It is not as bad as it's made out to be. It's just a drug.

The damage you have done to your body, to your mind, has become irreversible. What does it even matter. Everyone dies someday anyways.