Immortal

Well that’s just great! Touch an ancient, shiny, artifact glowing with freaking magic and next thing you know you’re sucked into a painting of a barren landscape, sitting on your frozen ass for all eternity. And will Jerry make the long, arduous trek back to the ruins, replace the damn thing, and release me from this fiendish, frigid, fate? NooOoooO. Of course not. To be fair, I wouldn’t either. I mean, we’re bros and all that but when an item worth that much money is at your fingertips…? Still, Jerry has more integrity than I do. Everybody knows it. He can’t just take the artifact and run…can he?

What am I going to do if I have to sit here, staring at an endless sea of white and two desolate trees, with nothing but me, myself, and I for company until kingdom come? I’ll go stark raving mad! I guess I could name the trees and they can keep me company…call one of them Jerry after the supposed friend that abandoned me in this mystical realm. Damn you, Jerry! If I ever get my numb rear end peeled off this uncomfortable bench, I’m finding a magical chain saw and hacking your limbs off!

Immortality! That’s all I wanted. Well, that and unlimited wealth. Is that too much for a man to ask for? To live forever young and healthy and…and rich? All I had to do after following the heirloom map Gramps buried in an old barrel ten feet in the ground of the root cellar and locked in that thick steel box was touch the shiny magic, live forever, and sell the relic to the highest bidder. It was supposed to be super easy, barely an inconvenience for an awesome guy like myself! Nobody told me there was this asinine loophole. Should have been a stupid warning label on that map, that magic came with a price! Jerry should have known and explained it to me. Some antique expert he is, er, was? Never should have brought him along or trusted that low down, dirty, double crossing double-crosser! He’s going to regret the day I got banished into this winter wonderland. That is, once I figure out how to escape this frosty enchantment…




Chilly Word Count ▼

374 words
Written for:

FORUM

The Bard's Hall Contest  (13+) NOVEMBER: Comedy... Thanksgiving with the Family #981150 by ScaryBee

January prompt: internal dialogue using the picture shown on the cover