Casey's New Normal

"I've strayed so far from normal now, I'll never find my way back.
And the truth is, I no longer want to."
-- Alyson Noel


"There's no going back for me now." Casey explained to a group of adults huddled around a haze of thick candy smelling puffy clouds being shot out into the air from vapes. Some of the old school members still smoked their Newports. Their smell, which although not as dramatic in scene would overcome the sweet scent with a pungent one.
"Yep." Another member agreed. They had just gotten out of an N/A meeting. Most of the individuals court mandated to be there.
Casey had been attending this group for a long time and had seen many come and go, including himself. He was one of the lucky ones to have come back again. He had been to a couple of different groups, as it was mandated for him to go to one everyday for a while. This one he enjoyed the most because it was a brisk walk from his house and one of the guys always brought "the good" coffee and creamer. He comes in early now, and helps set up the tables, chairs and pamphlets and sobriety time key chains. He gets to hand out these Milestone key chains at the end of the meetings and this meeting was special in particular. He received his 2 year recognition and a cheer from his group that will never leave his memory.
Reflection occurs constantly as Casey has finally chosen to work on his 12 steps. He thinks himself how facing his demons and staying sober has been the most abnormal and chaotic thing hes ever done. A couple of years ago he craved the adrenaline of the party and the effects of the drugs to escape life. This was the easy life, the normal fake it until you make it scenario. He was able to hide all of his dysfunctions and feel the highest of the highs. He thought he could keep this going forever, but reality had another idea. One night, While driving high with the love of his life by his side, he crashed. He was going 100 mph down this winding and twisted road. One he had driven a million times before pushing how fast he could go down it. For whatever reason, this particular road always made him feel like he was invincible. That nothing wrong could ever happen to him. Now, The slender girl next to him who was just giggling and feeling right along with a song that was on the radio was now no longer in the car beside him. His face was covered in blood but he his leg was stuck under something. The only luck he had was the ability to reach his phone and call 911 and hope the call doesn't drop.
He survived, but the girl of his dreams did not. He did not stop using until 4 years after that occurrence and lost every single crumb of worth that belonged to him and lost every relationship around him.
The choice to recover for the final time came to Casey in a vivid dream. His girlfriend forgave him and said she didn't like to see him this way. She said that he could do so much better for himself. From then on sobriety hit him like a fish that jumped out of its water. He was flopping and gasping about. He checked himself into treatment centers and found medication assisted treatment to be helpful to help him ween off some of the uglier symptoms. He found a community that helped him pick himself up. How is it that the 'normal' life of recovery felt so chaotic, absurd and obscene? Oh, but did he ever feel so good. Casey knew the true meaning of feeling the highest of the highs, then.

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