23 Cows Are Missing

“23 Cows Are Missing.”

“How’s that? We only have seven.”

“The fact remains, sir. 23 cows are missing. Also . . . 17 foxglove blossoms and 23 eyes of newt.”

“How did you even get that count? And why isn’t it 24 eyes of newt?”

“It was the hedgehogs did the count sir and reported to us this morning.”

“Well, they’re never wrong.”

“Is that sarcasm I sense in your voice sir?”

“You decide if it is or it isn’t. Anything else in the reports?”

“The songbirds came in to say that they are taking the day off.”

“Of course they are. Any excuse, I swear.”

“There is one cow remaining. She seems very confused and speaks in disjointed phrases. Also, she slept through everything.”

“Everything being? I’m still not clear on that.”

“Apparently late last night a herd wandered into our enclosure. 16 cows, just passing through they said but looking to spend the night in our pastures.”

“Are we in the habit of allowing this? What do they think, that the grass around here is just growing for free? Tell me someone charged them.”

“Of course, sir. They offered up bones in payment.”

“Bones from what?”

“No one asked, sir.”

“And then?”

“And then . . . Just before sunrise all of them and most of our own cattle disappeared into thin air. There one moment, gone the next.”

“Who witnessed this?”

“The one-eyed newt, sir.”

“And we trust him? Newts with two eyes can’t be trusted to see things clearly. A newt with one can only be trusted half as much.’

“Be that as it may. . . . Where is this bag of bones?”

“Here sir.”

“This is smaller than I expected. The sound they make, knocking together is denser than I thought it would be. Here, I’m just going to scatter them onto the floor. See what we are dealing with.”

“ . . . Did you expect that, sir?”

“For them to reform into a skeletal field mouse? No I wasn’t expecting that. How could I have expected that?!”

“I think it wants us to follow it, sir.”

“I can see. To go or not to go . . . Oh, why not?”

“How long has it been since you left the castle?”

“I don’t remember. Why would I want to? Everything I need is here.”

“Well, it looks like we are leaving it now. He’s quite quick isn’t he?”

“Where do you think he’s leading us?”

“If I had to guess, sir. I’d say the grove that the cattle disappeared from.”

“What are the odds that we’ll disappear too, once we get there?”

“I’d say even chances. You don’t sound as upset at the thought as I would have expected, sir.”

“Is this it? The mouse has stopped . . . And collapsed into a pile of bones again. I suppose I should collect him back into this bag, shouldn’t I?”

“I’d say. The cows are back, sir.”

“I can see that.”

“This one bears a message. Let me listen.”

“Well? What does she say?”

“With all due respect, sir. . . Shh.”

“Can I talk now? She’s wandered off.”

“Oh, sorry. Yes. She says they have seen a great many things this night, but that the most striking was a beautiful woman with eyes colored like gray smoke. Do you know her, sir?”

“Yes. I know her.”

“Do you care to elaborate?”

“No.”

“Well, these others are her cattle and she wishes them to be a gift to you. Apparently she knows you well enough to know that the only way of getting you out of the castle would be to stir things up a bit. She says, forgive me sir . . .she’s rather more direct than I would be.”

“What? What does she say?”

“That you are too complacent by half and that she hopes to see you again soon. See you again, sir?”

“Hmm. I’ll go home and think on it.”

“The cows says this woman knew you would say that.”

“Still, go home and think on it, I will and then . . . maybe I’ll bring her pet field mouse back to her. What a way to wake up, eh?”

“What?”

“23 Cows Are Missing.”