A mournful birthday

August 9th, 2023

I was wrong to do what I did, and some would say you were wrong to have me arrested for it. A December that is etched in my mind, as later when you realized the consequences were great, you sent me the lyrics to a Taylor Swift song along with a heartfelt apology for your part in the way things ended. Damn that song. It could have been a great song, but your death has made it unbearable.

I could never, not ever blame you. You were righteous in your decision. I pleaded for you not to blame yourself. You would be happy to know that I was changed by the experience.

The last time I saw you was in 2012 and we made love as if we would never meet again.

I miss you. I'll never, not ever stop thinking about you. But I mourned longer than was healthy and am happy to remember your birthday this year without tears. When December suddenly played on Pandora, i must admit I panicked. Of all the days! It would have broken me, and being broken in front of my coworkers isn't in my bucket list, so I hurriedly skipped it. I'm sorry, but that's Our Song, our make-up song, and if we had had the reunion I planned, I would have made it a happy song again.

Goodbye, for now. I remember you. I still love you. I look forward to a reunion in heaven, and though I fear we'll be on opposite sides in the judgement, perhaps our love will carry me through the gates. You always loved so fiercely.