Perpetual Jello

It is an amazing day
The day I ignore my fear
And turn it inside out like a sequined shirt
Protected in the washing machine.

The thing I feared is always near me
My need, my daily medicine,
My oddly not-so-changing dose of change,
Amid misophonia, tinnitus hearing aids,
And a strange new job.

The official unknown blends with minutiae
Whose existing answers I never sought -
Skills upgrades online I never bought
Arts I never finessed even if I could have
In endless inertia, because why would it matter anyway?

Your role in my life is not to agree with me
But to insist I agree with you and care for you
And in my anxiety to please you and myself
I discard my inactivity in efforts
To move at the pace strings would move me;
Life no longer lets me hide, but moves me
Like a seed in spring, randomly pollinated
Looking for a place to grow.

Would I marry you? No more than I would leave you.
Our disagreement is like Jello in perpetual motion
It will shiver in the moment and no stopping place may come
not ever - not in a million years.