Self Validation

Disclaimer, I am not a psychiatrist but I will use my life experience. This is written in order to share my experience and hopefully to uplift someone.

The word "self validation" itself sounds egoistical. However, if we look at the definition of it, such word is quite the opposite. Merriam-webster defines "self validation" as "the feeling of having recognized, confirmed, or established one's own worthiness or legitimacy."

If we really analyze it. Self validation simply means recognizing our own worthiness or legitimacy without the need of approval of other people. Again, this sounds selfish. However, if we really look deeper. Is self-validation actually a form of narcissism? To answer such question, we will first define and look into the definition of the word "narcissists".

A website, "choosingtherapy" establishes a simple and clear definition of the word "narcissists." Such website defines, "Narcissists seek endless validation, attention, and praise to compensate for low self-esteem, confidence, and a perceived lack of acceptance. These struggles are often a result of early childhood trauma and attachment issues."

Therefore, self-validation is actually the opposite of being narcissistic.

However, we should not easily blame other people for being narcissistic. It is okay to uplift ourselves everyday, however what is not alright is the fact that we seek endless validation. We wall have struggles as a child, though it varies from one individual to another. However, we have the "cure" in order to stop this narcissistic cycle. That is, by accepting and validating ourselves even if no one is there to clap for our achievement.

Here now comes the question, have I been narcissistic in the past?

Yes. I have been narcissistic and was able to cure it and then relapse again into being narcissistic because of the environment. I was put in an unhealthy environment and I was still in my developing years. I was below the age of twenty-five years old when I was placed in such an environment. Research say that our brain fully develops once we reach the age of twenty-five.

Now that I am twenty-five, I do realize that the reason why I feel exhausted and inadequate is because I depend on the validation of others. That is, if they are not satisfied of my performance, I will self sabotage myself in order just to get their praise. So, what happens is that instead of taking a step back in order to study and understand what went wrong is that I push through it without fully thinking. Thus, making the quality of my work worse than it actually was.

Personally, I am the person who takes so much pride in the quality of my work. Despite the fact that so many people will not agree with me because it may seem that I am moving too slow or that I am taking much time. But I do not want to rush things, I want to recreate my drafts and polish them before sending it for finality.

With these being said, I could say that self-validation may seem egoistical to others. However, as a friendly reminder, let me tell you that sometimes how other people react is a reflection of themselves and not yours. They will not be able to recognize your success because they themselves have not achieved such kind of success.

Thoughts?