The Big Three (or Four)

Growing up, I was taught that you should never discuss politics, religion, or sex at the dinner table, or in polite conversation. Nowadays, people have broadened the "big 3" to also include money. On the discussion of money, I had always heard that money and family don't mix. These four topics have caused a lot of fights, both within and outside of the family dinner table.

My question is, why is that? I guess I can understand not at the dinner table, but why should we be afraid of a discussion? How is it that we are so indoctrinated as to not discuss these issues at all? If there is no discussion, then things will stay the same, or worse, go down-hill from where we are now. I don't think that is what we are looking to do. Maybe there is a fear of "upsetting the apple cart" or causing rifts between people.

There has to be a way of speaking up without trouncing on others' feet, or at least to open a dialogue and an exchange of ideas without belittling others' feelings. At least I would hope so. It is my plan in this writing to offer some suggestions. They are, of course, my opinions, and I'm not out to step on toes, I just want to get a dialogue going. It is my intention to stay respectful, and ask questions.

The First "No-No"

Politics - Why is it such a taboo subject? I believe we are in a desperate need of discussing politics - not just the views of the extremists, but of the everyday Joe. It is not my intention to How many congressmen and Senators have been in office for 20+ years? or even 30+ years? These posts were meant originally as "public service" and not as careers. Serve your term, and let the next person have their turn. How has it become a career in politics? Are the voters to blame? How is it that so little has been accomplished with "career politicians" in office? Add to that, a politician is elected, and then is more concerned with staying in office than doing anything for the public good. I'm sure there are many people elected to office with the intention of doing good; or at least trying to do good. The shift comes gradually, and the "scratch my back and I'll scratch yours" becomes business of the day. Trading favors, calling in favors, tit for tat, and so on. Power is an aphrodisiac, and keeping power becomes the idol that many politicians end up coveting and bowing to.

What about the ages of the leaders of the "free world"? The President is 80 years old. The Vice-President is 58 years old. The average age of congressmen is about 58 years and Senators average out to about 65 years old. The age to be allowed to become President is 35 years old; The Constitution sets three qualifications for service in the U.S. Senate: age (at least thirty years of age); U.S. citizenship (at least nine years); and residency in the state a senator represents at time of election. Later a minimum age of 25 was set for serving in the House.


In the last presidential election 70% of the voting-eligible population registered to vote and only 61% actually voted . So, this means between half and 3/4 of registered voters actually voted in the last Presidential election. Mid-term elections drop drastically to around 40% of the voters actually casting a ballot. Why is this? Are people just tired of the "same old, same old"? Do they actually vote for someone, or for the one who is the lesser of two evils? Why is this such a taboo subject? Do we really want "business as usual"? Are we just to lazy to actually care what goes on in Washington, DC? What about local or state-wide issues?

While we are on the subject, why is there so much animosity in regard to politics? Just because we disagree, doesn't mean that we should demonize the "other side". How are we supposed to learn from each other if we don't even come to the table? Or, if we do actually make it to the table, making the point of "out shouting" the other side into silence? I honestly believe that debate classes should be offered in school once again. We need to learn how not only to give our opinion, but to listen to the other side as well. We need to quit being offended at every little (or big) thing, and if there is a problem, learn how to communicate. Yelling and derision happens when the communication ends. You see if every day in the news. You see it on blog posts, YouTube, TikTok, Instagram, and every other type of channel. It has become a "me first" society with "me first - you second (if you are even acknowledged) mind set.

So how do we address politics? First of all, we need to realize it isn't a taboo subject, and that our governmental system is in serious need of overhaul. I don't mean that we should re-invent the wheel; but rather get back to what the founding fathers thought enough of to put into our constitution. Politics is supposed to be a civil service - one, maybe two terms, and then let someone else take the mantle. Are people so hungry for power (or at least the illusion of power) that they will do anything they deem necessary to keep it?

Why discuss or debate this topic? Well, for one, we could learn from one another - if we take the time to listen and not just try to over talk each other. We could learn why people think the way they do. We could get their perspective on issues, rather than just try to shut them down because they don't believe the way we do. Maybe we could find some common space within our ideas. Or, heck, just agree to disagree on topics. That could be done without tearing one another down.

When is it time to stop talking? Perhaps taking a break and allowing tempers to cool down would be a good idea. Agreeing to shelve the idea temporarily until people can come back to it without being angry or judgmental. Rudeness and being disrespectful are not ingredients to a successful discussion. Not talking down to someone, "educating" them on why they are wrong is also asking for disaster in discussions. We need to be respectful of others, even if we disagree with their stand on issues. We've become so defensive and so divisive that we automatically tune each other out. How are we to learn from one another if we come at a discussion in this manner?

I wish I had the answers to these dilemmas. I am afraid, though, that even if someone comes up with answers, that society at large is beyond the point of caring. That in itself is a scary realization. I hope that we've not come to that point yet, and that there is still hope for us as a society.

The Second "No-No"

Money. Everybody has it, or at least a little bit - everybody wants more of it. Everybody uses it. Money makes the world go 'round. You cannot get away from the advertising of "stuff" . Amazon, Target, Walmart, Temu, and others compete for what disposable cash we have. Then there are the fast food restaurants, the fancy sit down restaurants, even the Swann's truck and local food trucks. It's a wonder anybody has any money at all. The latest fashions, the "must haves" that we are inundated with. Things without, our life would not be complete. From Wall Street and it's bull markets to the "everyday" person. You cannot get away from money. But it is something that is not a "polite conversation" topic. Why is that?

Because it comes down to the "haves" and the "have-nots". Those that "have" range from having obscene amounts of the green to those who manage to scrape by, living paycheck to paycheck. The "have-nots" are the people that no one wants to talk about. Those that cannot afford a basic living. Those that live in shelters, or if they cannot even have use of a shelter, those that live on the streets. And it isn't the random drunk, but even entire families that fall into this category. For the most part, those that have rarely, if ever, see the have-nots. And why should they? We are the land of opportunity, for heaven's sake. Everybody has the same opportunities, and it is a person's choice on where they end up. That isn't entirely true, though, is it? True - some people make poor choices; uneducated choices. But some get caught up in the "rat race" and before they know it, the piper wants to be paid. Keeping up with the Joneses has become the goal, but then the Joneses are remortgaging and are ahead again. It would be laughable, if it weren't so sad.

Well, we should just distribute everything evenly. Oh, there's an idea! Those that work their tails off would have an apoplectic fit. The voices of the capitalists from ages gone by are rolling in their graves. Those still alive are trying hide their money, and heaven forbid that they should share! Now, this isn't always the case. Like any topic, you have extremes on either side - most people fall somewhere in the middle, if they have an opinion at all. You have those who are philanthropic with some of their money. They give/set up charities for those "less fortunate". Then on the other side of the coin, you have those who want to have a U-Haul attached to their hearse; they want to take it all with them.

I remember in school - high school, that there was a class called Business Math. Part of the curriculum was learning how to balance a checkbook. I still have a checkbook; however, the ease of the debit card makes it all but extinct. I remember watching my mom get the bank statements and go over them with a fine tooth comb. I have seen here look through her bankbook and the statements, wondering where the extra penny or two went, and why things did not match. I've sat down with my own statements, and to be honest, if someone does not like numbers, it can be a painful experience. Balanced books are the most satisfying.

Credit cards, debit cards, payday loans and a host of other things that can be used to make ends meet. But this is a temporary fix, which really doesn't fix anything - it just puts off the inevitable. I've seen families pulled apart by finances - trying to live beyond their means, and when it does catch up, tears and bankruptcies, foreclosures, repossessions - it can all be a nightmare. If young children are involved, it can turn their world upside down as well. So, what to do?

I don't have all of the answers. It is not an easy topic to broach, especially when ease and shortcuts are the name of the game nowadays. Education is paramount. Getting back to the basics. Living within one's means, even if it hurts the pride a bit. Make more money; get a second job, if necessary. Pay what you owe. Don't blame anyone else for your predicament. True, sometimes life isn't "fair". Some people seem to "have it all". When did the American Dream become a nightmare? Why do we have to have "it all" in the first place? These questions aren't easily answered, and there are many different answers depending on where one is "at" in their journey.

First things first - money should not be a "taboo" subject. There needs to be honest conversations with oneself, and with any significant other, if there is one. There are counselors, and resources available for those that can afford them. There are also free resources on a limited basis, for those who are struggling. There are no easy fixes - if anyone promises an easy fix, avoid them like the plague. Money is a vital means of living, and you have to become a master of it, or it will be the master. Money is an ugly, unforgiving taskmaster.

Take inventory of what you have. Do you really need a larger house, a larger car, or multiple cars? Do you really need to eat out as much as you do? Convenience is a big money-waster. Having nice things is not necessarily a bad thing - if you can really afford it. But there is a problem if you are juggling bills or "robbing Peter to pay Paul" in one's finances.

Why does one feel the need to have so much "stuff" anyway? Stuff in itself is not evil, but it can become a burden, or even a taskmaster if left uncontrolled.

Don't be afraid to ask for help. Pride goes before a fall, and it is true. In the end, if help is not asked for, the façade will crack and fail after a time. Then when it does fail, and it will, the pieces may be hard to pick up and some things may be lost for good.

The topic of money needs not be a taboo. An honest conversation might actually be a lifesaver.

The Third "No-No"

Sex. You can hear a pin drop when this topic is brought up. There are opinions galore on this topic, but it seems only the "fringe" opinions are heard. On one side of the question is those that button up everything, that sex is bad, and only meant for procreating. There are two genders, and anything else is an abomination. On the other side, there is the theory of "anything goes". You can be anything you want to be. If you want to be a man, woman, both, neither, have at it. It's your body, your right. The opinions that are held also come with "hurt feelings" or even anger if you dare to express a different view on the subject. People are steam-rolled into accepting the flavor of the month. I am sure that there are reasons for the extreme takes on this subject, but my question is why? What happened to the give and take of ideas, with the idea of learning where each other is coming from? Why is it that it is only the squeaky wheel that gets the oil? It's because of the conflict - that people want to steer away from it. They don't want to get run over, nor do they want to voice an opinion that might make them a target.

I don't mind asking questions. I want to know where a person is coming from, and why they feel the way that they do. I also would like the same consideration given in return. Taking up the chant doesn't accomplish that. It becomes a competition that devolves into "I am right, and you must be destroyed". Violence in word and/or deed become the default position - on both or all sides of the conversation.

Why does it have to be an "all or nothing" proposition? What happened with learning from one another? What happened to tolerance? While we are at it, what happened to being accountable? Why is it a "my way or the highway" subject? Why can't we be friends, as the song says? Live and let live?

For some, it is a matter of "right" and "wrong". Sin, disobedience, self grandiose ideas. Some just want their own way, regardless of the consequences. Some want attention, no matter form it takes. A line has been drawn. If one crosses that line, then they are cut off, and not even given the chance to explain themselves. No wonder people would rather just sweep this subject under the rug, and not talk about it at all. Temperatures run high. Feelings get hurt, Anger, frustration and resentment build without an escape valve. It is a sad commentary of what is going on today.

The Last "No-No"

Religion. Oh, boy. There seems to be as many different religions as there are people. Being religious can mean anything from being a compliment to being a cut-down. There are people who are proud of their religion (or beliefs, faith, organization, whatever the term may mean to a particular individual). There are also those who are proud of the fact that they don't believe in any religion at all. God, higher power, or whatever your focus is in one's particular viewpoint.

Again, there are those who think of religion as being deluded. "Drinking the Kool-Aid" has described those who are particularly zealous. People have heard of Jim Jones, Waco, Branch Davidians and shake their head in disgust. Those with an evangelical bent are described as "in your face" and "judgmental". Catholic, Protestant, Wiccan, Mormon, Jehovah's Witnesses? So many branches, so many choices - and the added "fun" of those who say it is "their way and no one else's".

Conclusion

So here are a few things to take away from this opinion piece.
1. Be respectful of the person.
2. Do not make snap judgments, even if you disagree with someone.
3. Name calling and falling into arguments doesn't work.
4. Sometimes it's better to "agree to disagree" on issues.
5. Being respectful of other's opinions - even if they are different from your own.
6. Remember the old saying, You get more flies with honey, than with vinegar.

 

Sources used in writing my opinion piece:

https://www.covalentlogic.com/news/550

https://constitution.congress.gov/browse/essay/artI-S2-C2-1/ALDE_00013371/#:~:te...

Research Articles:

https://au.reachout.com/articles/a-guide-to-discussing-politics-with-friends-and...

https://ideas.ted.com/how-to-talk-about-politics-constructively/

https://www.missioalliance.org/eight-better-ways-to-talk-about-religion/

https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2016/04/15/many-americans-dont-argue-abo...

https://www.nytimes.com/guides/year-of-living-better/how-to-talk-about-money

https://www.moneyhelper.org.uk/en/family-and-care/talk-money/how-to-have-a-conve...

https://www.ashasexualhealth.org/talking-about-sex/

https://www.everydayhealth.com/sexual-health/the-dos-and-donts-of-talking-about-...