Muddled Love Story

         

Muddled Love Story

          "What if the change you are avoiding is the one that gives you wings?" Unknown

          Lily
          My classmates are constantly telling me I don't matter. They say I'm good-for-nothing. At first, I didn't care because I know it's not true, but now I'm getting exhausted.
          I'm that weird one, who doesn't like breaks, since during these times they're bullying me. They don't just abuse me with words, they occasionally punch me.
          'Lily, tell the teacher that we need to play at her lesson!' instructs me the cock of the class. I swallow the lump in my throat. I'm frightened; therefore, I rush for the teacher to fulfil Caesar's wish.
          I'm absolutely relieved that Mrs Gray allows us to play. I have a feeling she is really tired of us. For her unluck she's our homeroom teacher as well.
          The class chooses the game, Hangman. I suppose it has a simple reason...
          Our teacher never adds a single minute to our classes: as soon as the bell rings, she's out of the classroom. The others are happy about this, yet I'm not at all. They believe she likes us and doesn't want to wear us out. But on the other hand, I'm aware she can't stand us.
          After the ring of the bell, I determine that I don't bare this anymore. I head towards Caesar and begin my talk:
          'I'm not going to hurt you or something like that, though you do hurt me. I'm just asking you to stop this whole thing.'
          'Oh, you nuisance, you think that would work with Caesar!' snickers one of his stupid pals.
          'Stop your gob, you idiot!' yells Caesar at the other boy, then turns malovently towards me. 'But he's right' admits the chief. 'I'm definitely not gonna stop. And if you tell this to anyone, you won't be alive tomorrow. You're gonna hang like hangman' whispers the cock of the class with coolness in his voice.
          'I'm tired of you, but I promise my mouth is a zipper' I concede.

          Caesar
          I often wander total randomly just to think. Because I feel guilty for what I do, but somehow, I never stop. I think I may bully and abuse since I'm quite envious. Lily has everything, which I don't have. She has loving parents, expensive clothes, also, she studies so easily: she's smart and diligent. Plus, she's beautiful whereas I'm hideous.
          This time I arrive at the train station, though I don't have a clue how I got there. The station is almost empty, there's only one girl.
          Wait, that girl is standing hesitatingly in front of the rails. Oh, she wants to step on the tracks, that's no good! She steps on them with one of her legs while a train is coming!
          The next moment I find myself running, though I didn't think of it. I catch the girl and pull her away from the train track. Perhaps, this is the only right thing I've done my entire life.
          I hold the girl in my arms.
          'Don't worry, you're safe now' I try to reassure her. Only then do I realize that I know her. It's Lily! 'I'm really sorry about all the things I've done to you' I carry on. I can't believe that I've finally apologized to her.
          'For one thing you shouldn't be sorry. Actually, I owe you quite a lot for saving my life.' Oh, she has humour, too. Kind of a strange joke, but it's pretty cute. I can feel she's still gasping, and her heart is throbbing so hard.
          'You don't owe me a single thing. Because I owed you this.'
          'Thank you. But for now, please, let go of me. I want to walk home alone' she murmurs falteringly.
          'Are you sure you'd be safe on your own?'
          'Don't worry, I'll be home safe and sound.' And she turns around and shoves off. Why would she trust me, anyway?
          Now I fully understand why I was jealous - she's such a brave girl whereas I'm simply a wreck. I'm not yellow anymore, the truth is I've become blue. Thinking of I'd almost killed a girl makes me extremely depressed. It was nothing but a coincidence that I managed to save her eventually. If I don't change, worse things will happen to people, for this reason I must alter.
          The next day I see Lily I don't recognize any fear in her eyes, instead she gives me a faint and undetermined smile.

          Lily
          When Caesar rescued me from the sweeping train, I eventually realized that in the bottom of his heart he's a good boy. From now on I owe him my entire life, so basically everything - I twit with him.
          After school at the front door, I notice Caesar standing there alone and playing a game on his mobile. He must be awaiting for someone.
          'Hey, Lily' he greets me loosely. It can't be happening that the bad boy of the school was waiting for me! 'Do you want me to go home with you?' he continues. Where am I, in a world of wonders? 'I think we're living in the same direction, at least I remember that.' He shouldn't have said this because a memory comes to my mind: me running from Caesar, whilst I should've supposed to walk home calmly. But then I remember the way he saved my life. Hence, I tell him: it's okay.
          On the way home he tries to make a conversation with me, yet all I say is yes or no. I'm embarrassed and I still don't confide in him.
          'What can I do so that you'll trust me?' he asks when we arrived at my family's house.
          'I don't know. I think you need to find it out yourself. Sorry.'

          Caesar
          I'm quite confused since Lily doesn't seem to like me. I can't fault her: why should she be fond of me? However, I determine I'm going to try to gain her trust.
          I'm not going to be pushy; I'll be waiting for her to be ready. So, when I see her at class, I just wave at her and then sit down on my chair. One of my pals wants to sit next to me, but I tell him: 'Go away'. I don't care about him anymore, since I wouldn't like to spend time with someone, who can't be considered as a real friend.
          I just want to be with Lily. Don't I get her, I'd rather be with no one.
          I'm sitting at my desk all day because I'm feeling fairly under the weather. After school when I arrive at the front door, I catch sight of Lily. She's probably expecting someone, maybe her mother.
          'I was only waiting for you because I don't really have friends. So, I go home with you today as well, of course just if you'd like that, too' gabbles Lily. It's cute how easily she is able to get shy.
          'I wouldn't like that.' Suddenly, she becomes disappointed. 'In fact, I'd love that' I smile like an idiot.
          'That's not funny' says Lily but she's laughing hard.

          Lily
          While walking I realize that it's really interesting to chat with Caesar. He's an inquiring smart boy. I start answering him in more words than one or two. He doesn't judge me like I thought he would.
          The next morning I behold Caesar whilst I'm rushing to school. I don't know why, but my mouth opens by itself and shouts his name. He turns around grinning and waits until I catch up with him.
          'By the way do you want to sit with me today?' he asks at one point.
          'Um... Why don't you sit with one of your friends?' I can't help but I'm quite frightened about what would the others do if I sat with him.
          'They are not even my friends. Although you're turning me down, you're much more like a friend than those stupid guys' he says on a calm, yet sorrowful voice.
          During the day at lunchtime I notice him from a window. Other kids are punching and hitting each other. He steps between them, albeit he knows he could get hit. Oh, I don't care about this bloody meal! Therefore, I run out to the backyard and try to help him by yelling at the children. They become so dumbfounded that the fight is ended.
          'Let's call for a teacher' I tell Caesar.
          'Please, don't!' requests a child. 'We promise from now on we'll be better kids.'
          'Okay, but if there's a next time, I won't let you get away with it.' Then I turn to Caesar: 'Let's go back.' Somehow, I reach for his hand, and he doesn't resist. When we arrive to our classroom, I sit down next to him. Whenever I glance at him: his smile is almost as intense that it is burning down his entire face.

          Five years later

          Caesar
          Lily became my best friend and my girlfriend at the same time. There's a deep connection between us - we love one another from the bottom of our hearts. I don't have a clue what I would do if I lost her.
          Time rushed: we have already graduated. During secondary school we had a few problems: our classmates were laughing at us. They thought I'm not good enough for Lily. It might've been true because Lily is the best person I've ever known.
          I'm struggling to give her everything what I can. I'm planning to engage with her, that's why I'm working as a waiter, hence we'll have some base for the cost of living. (I'm pretty sure she'd agree to be my fianc.)

          Lily
          When I crawl out of the bed, Caesar is already up, he's not next to me anymore. He must be working, I suppose, because he's not as lucky as me - I just need go to university at 10 a.m.
          But when I walk to the kitchen, I notice Caesar hustling in the kitchen. He's doing fried eggs, how sweet of him.
          'Why aren't you in the restaurant?' I ask surprised.
          'Because today's a special day' he replies with a bright smile.
          'What special day?'
          'You'll see' he answers enigmatically. 'Now, sit down, dear, the breakfast is ready.'

          Caesar
          All day was I such nervous about the big question. What if I ruin everything? What if she rejects me and our relationship is over? What if I just simply don't deserve her?
          I bring round Lily to the funfair (it's her favourite place), in which we take a delight. After that we go home and I light up some candles, so that we can have a romantic dinner. Her eyes are heavenly shining, she's incredibly beautiful. I kiss her, we're kissing for at least an hour. We only stop for grinning and giggling. Then we get tired and hungry, thus we begin to eat, the food tastes delicious.
          After we finish, I tell her that I need to go to our room for something.
          'You really leave me alone?' she pouts.
          'Don't be silly, baby, it's just a moment.'
          She becomes relieved when I return to her. Now or never! I deflate to my knees, open the little box and start my question:
          'Would you be...?'
          Her eyes brighten up like never ever, then she interrupts me: 'Yes, yes, I do!'
          'I didn't even finish my sentence. What if I was going to ask: Would you be my housemaid?'
          'Ah, you're still funny. But if you want this, then continue your question.'
          'Come to think of it I might have agreed to be your maid, too. Honestly, I just want to be yours.' Lily follows up. No, I'm just joking: this was just something I thought it would be funny.

          Seven years later

          This was the amazing day when we engaged. Thinking of it still makes me smile like a silly little boy. It's lovely that now we're husband and wife. The only thing is missing for me is a child. Lily doesn't want a kid yet, she says she's too young for them, she wouldn't have enough time to look after them, anyway.

          Eight years later
          Lily
          I don't know what's with Caesar. Recently he's been feeling rather depressed. Do I do something the wrong way?
          Today he just can't take a breath properly. I try to persuade him to get checked by a physician, but he's hard as a flint. I'm getting really concerned about him.

          Caesar
          Lily kept saying that I should visit a doctor. So finally, I obeyed her wish, just to make sure everything's all right. But now I realize nothing is okay. Except that I still have Lily.
          Unfortunately, I'll have to leave her soon because I'm having lung cancer. It's not likely to recover from it. I've never smoked (I've only tried it once, it was awfully bad), for this I don't even understand why I must have this terrible disease. Maybe it is God's punishment, since my teenager years wasn't so immaculate. (And this is a benign expression.)
          I want to take Lily to the best places until I leave. Sometimes she's weeping all day, but I tell her there's no need to cry, she should enjoy every single moment of our last days. However, there's something wrong with this sentence, because whenever I say it, she continues to be in tears. I do understand her, I often whisper that advise, since my voice faints away.
          Anyway, I take Lily to her favourite restaurants, museums and so on. But she just can't seem to enjoy anything. She often says on a desperate voice:
          'Don't you dare to leave me! What will happen with her or him then? And with me?' I hope our baby will live a nice life. Sadly, I might not get to know them. I don't have a clue how much time I've got left.
          And Lily sometimes struggles to look strong and confident:
          'You're going to get well soon.' Maybe.

          Eight years and eight months later

          Lily
          I just can't believe that Caesar is not anymore. Why had he died like this? Especially, on the day our kid was born?
          I can still hear him saying: 'Take care of her and yourself. Fall in love again, don't you dare not to enjoy your life. We'll meet eventually, don't worry.' He was such a sweetheart.
          But how can I rejoice in my life without him? Could I have done something to make his life a little longer?
          Undoubtedly, I should have appreciated him much more. I really adore him, howbeit I didn't really tell him - needless to say, I regret it not saying every day. Only now that he's gone do I realize how truly I love him.
          I still can't imagine my life without him in it. He was incredibly gentle and affectionate to me: why did he need to cross the river?
          At the moment I'm standing at his funeral. All though my hands are shaking, my eyes are so dry they've never been lately. (You know that moment when you are such sad that you can't even cry.) I'm not the only one, who's confused - time is bewildered as well. Perhaps that's the reason why it suddenly makes a twist.
          I abruptly find myself sitting at my desk at school, while Caesar is kicking my chair. I observe that I look like a fourteen or fifteen years old girl. It's only beginning now. Perhaps I 'm able to save him? Just like he did before.