What If

Three raps on the door
Echoing in my dreams
Knock, knock, knock my voice whispers

Heavy lids flutter
No not just yet
But the bed is empty next to me

My body is a bullet
Blue lights flash
Usain Bolt never moved this fast

Six badges and you
Safe and sound
My arms around you to rewind time

You smile at me
That dimpled grin
Innocence only a toddler could have

"Mommy phone?" You
Ask like mommy's
Heart isn't still on the bedroom floor

You are fine
You are safe
But my mind is still tripping on ifs

Behind my eyes
Little broken body
Cars that didn't stop or swerve

In my head
A life never lived
No neighbor calling you out the road

I can barely see
I can barely breathe
"You can't ever do that again. Okay, Bean Bean?"

Tiny fingers
Wipe my cheeks